It got accepted! I knew it would! You're an amazing writer! *favorites*
Author's Response: :) Thanks! And thanks for betaing it, too!
Great writing you are one of my favorite authors. But I do have to point out, Madam Bones was alive and made an appearance in the beginning of the Order of the Phoenix when she was at Harry Potters trial, and thwarted the ministers efforts to railroad the young wizard. JK doesn't notify us of her death until the summary to the Prime Minister of England in the first chapter of Half Blood Prince the events you are discussing with Fudge happened in the Goblet of Fire. Plus, being real nitpicky here, she was killed in a locked room under mysterious circumstances, a blasted apart house would have been of note. With a short rewrite you can fix both of those problems.
I just think you are a brilliant author and I dont want this brilliant piece of writing saddled with AU when its not meant to be AU.
I would go back and mention in the conversation with Fudge events that happened in Order and have him be defensive about that. Because he would have justified his efforts after Goblet he wasn't repentant until after Order. You might even mention his impending resignation or her even suggesting it. As for the locked room, write a short paragraph about how while she was paralized he put everything back in order in her home, including a locked door to her study, then before he apparated he killed her. Obviously to add to the terror and the confusion of her death. She might even make a rueful comment about his cleaning skills in her head like "For a Dark Lord, he is tidy fellow, you've got to give him that!" Those changes will make this cannon, and elevate this story to JK status! It is so nearly there already!
Other than those things, this is brilliantly imagined and written. Please consider those changes, this story is worth it!
Author's Response: Oh, maybe I should put a vague date on it--it is between OOTP and HBP. I was trying to say that Fudge deliberately didn't report Crouch's death after GOF because it would damage his credibility, and Bones didn't find out about it until over a year later. I was trying to subtly hint that Fudge knew he was going to be sacked, and when Bones suggested apologizing to Harry Potter, Fudge thought about bringing Harry in to look like the Ministry had his support--getting Harry's backing was Fudge's idea pre-Scrimgeour, after all. I'm pretty bad with the nuances of the Ministry, but I'll see what I can do to make that clearer.rnrnYou got me on the locked door bit--totally forgot about that. I think a wrecked house consitutes "mysterious circumstances" but I'll have to go back and make sure the roof stays on the house, and change the bit where Voldemort blasts open the door. Ooh, I'll have to get rid of the Dark Mark, too. Hm...thanks for pointing that out. I'll change it, but it'll take a little time to get it right.
I really like Amelia Bones and was quite upset that she came to such an abrupt end, just a passing mention. You've really given her death dimention. It's never nice to read of a death, but reading of the bravery and honour and the amazing fight she put up was heartening. Thank you, this is going on my mental 'gap fillers' list.
Author's Response: In all honesty, I couldn't remember exactly when she'd died at first, because mention of it had been so brief--like you said, a passing mention. I was really flattered by what you had to say--thanks for the compliments!
I like that portrayl of Amelia Bones. Tough, but fair. She would've definately put up a fight the entire way, and it was a nice touch to see their little verbal joust while the house was getting demolished. Amelia's last line was very suiting. :D
Author's Response: The dialogue was a way to break-up the spell throwing, because Voldemort's a show-off, but also because I can't write straight dueling. We had fun talking about this, and other death scenes too, didn't we? Thanks, Melis--I'd be NO good at this without a sister at least as obsessed as I am!
yea! im the first to review!
i loved it! the battle scene was amazing. it seemed so real, and you didn't rush it like alot of authors do. you didn't drag it out either. it was also very real. bones didnt have the power to beat voldemort, but she fought the whole way. i loved that.
Author's Response: I don't do battle scenes all that well--finally took a friend's advice and wrote it to a song, and it came out slightly better than expected, I think, but I couldn't really be sure. Thanks for the review, and the compliments!