Reviewer: youaremylifenow
Date: 11/29/08 17:12
Chapter: The Bronx Magical Institute

I read this awhile ago and find myself keep coming back to it from to time to time.

I'm not one to reread fanfiction (mostly because my computer is so slow! I mean, really, it takes a half-hour to load the MNFF main site! /end rant. sorry not the time or place) but I really liked this a lot. Its not only the accurate portayl of a real school, its just the sheer (and this is going to sound really corny) magic of it.

Jenna needs some place better. Her parents tried to send her to Lancaster, but she wasn't old enough yet and they needed the money for her brother's graduate academy. He wants to be a Healer, and their father always wanted his son to succeed.

Poor Jenna! Its sad how she falls second to her brother. I imagined a whole back-story on this. I love how you use suggestion to get the readers mind working.

"Mr. Teacher." Words cannot describe how I adore the simply anonymity of it. Honestly, no one remembers teachers in the abstract. You remember someone because they make an impression on you - and most teachers don't. I love the symbolism in that - how high school is impersonal and to be treated with a certain amount of apathy.

"Daddy sends her to this nice school so she can learn to be a proper witch. Daddy only does the best for her. "

This is a mantra it feels like Jamie repeats a lot to herself. It makes me wonder what her Daddy does to her, if anything. Why would he care if her locker was messy?

Jamie closes her eyes and dreams a little, picturing herself the queen of the stage, a Veela. A beautiful enchantress, like her mother. A star.

How horrible! It must be terrible to grow up in your mother's shadow. I feel so bad for Jamie! I just want to give her a hug.

Well, I just want to thank you for writing a story I truly enjoy and will continue to enjoy 'till I stop reading (which is not likely haha).

-Alex

Reviewer: harrypotterfangirl21
Date: 06/25/08 21:59
Chapter: The Bronx Magical Institute

Yes, yes, I know it’s taken me FOREVER to review this. But I have a good reason! I wanted to leave a super-long review because this story is AMAZING. I’ve read it somewhere near five times now, which means that most of it is *officially* committed to memory. It is THAT awesome. So, without further ado (because too much ‘ado’ is never good), onto the review!

The bell rings, and another day begins. Perfect beginning. It’s a simple, unassuming sentence that manages to hook the reader (‘What’s so important about today, after all?’—that sort of reaction) and make them keep reading. The rest of the paragraph sounds remarkably like my school, and probably every other high school in the world. I like that you show the similarities between a magic school and a regular school before going into the minute differences between the two that begin to reveal themselves in the next paragraph.

Your descriptions are very blunt, and yet somehow are absolutely captivating. Pledges are said to various flags (nobody really says them, though, only reciting), announcements are read (same old things), and the announcer rambles on about things nobody cares about (who gives a shit about the charity drive?). That line, in particular, is one of my favourites of this fic. The way it’s written is unmistakeably frank and truthful. The normal part of the sentence shows how things would appear, but upon reading the fragments in parentheses, the reader is enlightened to how things are truly viewed.

‘Sweet little Stevie’ is a perfect look into what I feel is the underlying theme of this fic: Things are not as they appear. And, ultimately, you speak the truth about the ‘Stevies’ of every school: Stevie will be reprimanded. He will speak to councilors who will ask why-why-why. He might even be removed from school for a few days. But eventually, he will return to his bathroom. All anyone ever cares about is the why, as you’ve hinted here. ‘Why did you say that?’ ‘Why did you do that?’ ‘Why would you make such a stupid mistake?’ But no one cares about the whats—‘What’s wrong?’ ‘What’s bothering you?’ ‘What can I do to help?’ And using only why and never what will lead the Stevies of the world right back to where they started: in the bathroom.

*is getting ranty*

I feel sorry for Jenna. Not much else I can think of to say on this one, for some reason, though. . . . >.> But, so this looks less like a sentence and more like a paragraph, I’ll just mention here that I love how you skip seamlessly around the room, telling several stories without ever becoming too choppy.

The teacher is another character I feel sorry for. He knows that teaching is his passion, but his students are terrifying him to the degree that teaching almost seems impossible. I admire him for even attempting to teach, as no one but Jenna seems to want to learn. (This is incredibly similar to my school. I already mentioned that, but I figured I’d mention it again. ^^; )

Ooh, snow. There’s something really symbolic about it snowing in such a tainted (if that’s the right word) environment. *is obsessed with symbolism*

Jamie is my favourite character, without a doubt. I’ll get into why at the end of the review (if I remember—poke me if I don’t). She gives a glance to Andrew and Steevie but turns away like a ballerina- she's on pointe. I like the last half of this sentence. Something about the way you describe her being on pointe is unique and really makes this sentence stick out. And ‘Steevie’ should be ‘Stevie’. *is a typo freak* =]

Everyone who goes before her is better. Jamie knows this because they aren't her: she will never be the best. This line is somehow heartbreaking to me, especially after you say that her father said so. Poor Jamie.

The little section about her being tormented was a bit distracting to me. I’m glad that you put it in there, as it gave a bit more insight about how Jamie dresses, how ‘popular’ she is, etc., but it’s not my favourite section. *hides from fruit projectiles*

The walk up to the stage does a great job of subtly building tension. The first time I read this, I nearly skipped over that section just to see how well she did (I’m impatient). But as I read it, I was glad that I didn’t skip a single line, as they were all brilliant.

Although the lyrics are mournful, and the strains gloriously sad, there is hope. It bounces around the room like a rainbow reflected off of a billion drops of water, ignoring the rain. These are my absolute favourite lines out of this entire fic. They’re on my Top Ten Favourite Lines EVER List. The description here is beyond adjectives. It’s beautiful, but haunting; hopeful, yet powerful. Absolutely amazing.

This is magic. Perfect, perfect, perfect last line. Because in a school where magic is used for such wrong reasons, shouldn’t something so beautiful be the only true magic, and the other ‘magic’ be only a tainted copy? [/weirdness]

I absolutely LOVE this fic. It’s one of my favourites of all time. You did a fantastic job with it. Keep up the excellent writing! =]

 - Katie 



Author's Response: *superflyingtackleglomp*rnrnThank you, Katie! I haven't recieved such an amazing review in... well, ever. You gave my goosebumps just reading it.rnrnCan I thank you again? And again?rnrnThank you!rnrn-Stubbyrnrn(Oh, yeah, and I'll fix the annoying Stevie typo and see what I can do with the bullying part.)

Reviewer: BertieBotsBeans741
Date: 05/18/08 18:30
Chapter: The Bronx Magical Institute

You’re perfectly right, Stubby! Why would Wizarding schools in America be any different than Muggle schools? People will continue to be cruel and disregard people’s emotions and abuse them. What I think is fantastic, is that you’ve just delved right into this issue that is so prominent but rarely has any major consequences. What are a few seemingly harmless tricks here and doing some drugs there, right? *scoffs at society*

I can really feel the emotion that’s rooted in this, it’s all achingly familiar. I can make various connections with this piece.

Pledges are said to various flags (nobody really says them, though, only reciting), announcements are read (same old things), and the announcer rambles on about things nobody cares about (who gives a shit about the charity drive?).

You are so frank and direct, who wouldn’t love this? It’s sort of just something we have to do. No one really cares. I just can’t express how spot on you are with this.

Sweet little Stevie goes to the bathroom and snorts some 'Flew' with his pals. Their laughter rings in the stalls; echoes bounce where no one listens. Later, in a few months, his parents will notice the greenish pallor on his skin and the greenish powder in his pockets. Stevie will be reprimanded. He will speak to councilors who will ask why-why-why. He might even be removed from school for a few days. But eventually, he will return to his bathroom.

Typical. There’s a Stevie in every school. Wow, that sounded oddly hilarious. You’ve really got the stereotype down.

Human emotion is really so strange. There’s the substitute worried about the students, children worried about being ostracized. This fic is just so real and raw.

A voice crackles over the intercom like a bandage being ripped off tender skin.

I love how you’ve detailed this also. Everything seems realistic and it’s almost as if I’m there. These things are all too familiar. Feels like a page of my life, strangely enough. I can really sympathize with Jamie. I feel absolutely terrible for her. My one nit-pick is this:

Jamie shudders. Don't think of Daddy, her mind whispers.

It’s a little misleading. When I first read it, I thought there was some form of sexual abuse that was taking place. I mean, perhaps that is what you intended. Either way, I think you should have made it clearer and established a border of sorts. There’s a difference between her father thinking she’s not good enough and the aforementioned.

Anyway, I feel like I really do connect with Jamie, here. It’s awful to have to go through those things and I hate seeing other people being tortured relentlessly like that.

In a startling, pearly moment of epiphany, she begins to sing. Her voice raises above the droning bulbs and the paltry silence. Mrs. Part-Time Theatre Expert exchanges a look with the other clipboard-wielders.

What magnificent detail here also, you have a real talent for such things.

This is magic.

Now that is just beautiful. This one-shot was so overwhelming and powerful. Honestly, you’ve made me cry. I love getting emotional over fics. If I could hug you, I would.

Brittany *watery smile*

Author's Response: 0_ornrnYou and Katie have given my the longest reviews I have ever recieved for this fic. I mean,wow! Thank you so much. I'm glad you liked it.rnrn-Stubby *goofy grin*

Author's Response: 0_ornrnYou and Katie have given my the longest reviews I have ever recieved for this fic. I mean,wow! Thank you so much. I'm glad you liked it.rnrn-Stubby *goofy grin*

Author's Response: 0_ornrnYou and Katie have given my the longest reviews I have ever recieved for this fic. I mean,wow! Thank you so much. I'm glad you liked it.rnrn-Stubby *goofy grin*

Reviewer: rambkowalczyk
Date: 04/23/08 13:09
Chapter: The Bronx Magical Institute

I like this story. Good portrayal of a 'real' school. Excellant defination of magic at the end.

Author's Response: Thanks. It's always nice to get reviews.

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