Reviewer: welshdevondragon
Date: 01/17/11 15:57
Chapter: Chapter Four: Nave Fool

Wow. This is really good. In the first two chapters I wasn't really sure about Dacia (which is a very cool name) but I love her line " At least Ravenna was damned, that gave Dacia a boost even though it shouldn’t have". Ravenna and Dacia have much stronger personalities than Dante- I'm not sure what to make of him just yet. Are you continuing this fic, because I'm really enjoying it so far and want to hear about them doing something rather than just running! They are going to do something aren't they? Anyway great story and looking forward to the next chapter!!

Reviewer: Lalalalatina
Date: 07/24/08 9:44
Chapter: Chapter One: I'm All Dressed Up and Ready to Play

I think this is an excellend beginning to your story. It's a great introduction for the characters and who they are, or appear to be to others.

I think my favorite part of this was ther very last line. Poor Dacia, her loneliness is heartbreaking. Excellent work. ^_^

PS. Thank you for the fantastic banner!

Author's Response: Thank you! I'm glad you liked it, and yes poor Dacia. And you're welcome. (:

Reviewer: MerrryD
Date: 07/21/08 14:10
Chapter: Chapter Four: Nave Fool

Jess! -tackles-

One teeny-tiny nitpick:

Could she have put herself in a worst position?

'Worst' should be 'worse' because your only comparing two things, her current situation to another 'worse' one.

That's my only one. :D

...their white alabaster skin was glowing even with the faintest amount of light!

I love this line! Well, this part of that line. ;) It really shows how different vampires and humans, well, even Dacia, are different. I also like how it sounds. Have you ever read it aloud? It just rolls off the tongue. lol. :D

Tell them to detox themselves?

hahahaha! I really like this line.

“He did seem interested in me, though.”

“Don’t let that fool you. Raoul can be very… convincing.”

“You think he could take me that way? I was a big girl last time I checked.”

“No, I don’t mean that way. You would fall for that easily.”


Oooh. Interesting. And intriguing. -begs for more chapters- :)

If she could only hold Ravenna for a few minutes, how would she manage?

Possibly even more intriguing and interesting. -gets down on hands and knees and begs for more chapters- ;)

If I remember correctly, you said that you don't like Dacia or Dante, yeah? -ponders for a moment- Hmm... I do, I think. Dante definitely. He seems very nice and thoughtful, and gentlemen-like (lol), for lack of a better word. Dacia, I don't know if I actually like her, but I do feel bad for her. Ravenna, well, the nice of me is calling her a bitch, and the mean side of me is laughing along with her. (The nice side is slightly stronger right now.)

I'm like super-interested right now. I'm mean like ten times more than I was last chapter. haha.

Amazing, awesome, fantastic chapter!

-hugs-

Peace out.

-Mere

Author's Response: One nitpick? :o For real? Awesome. Yes, I don't like Dante, and I'm actually opening up to Dacia. At first, I didn't like her because she was... normal. There wasn't anything dynamic about her, but as I fill her out, normal is a good thing, and she's very naive and young. I'm growning on her. Dante, there's nothing I can do about him. I never thought I could create a character that I hate. That's just sad. >.>

Reviewer: hermione_granger4life
Date: 07/20/08 14:47
Chapter: Chapter Four: Nave Fool

Dearest! Another great chapter! I loved Dante's explanation about eating food and whatnot; a nice take on what vampires have to do to survive: blood AND food...great job kid! Lol. I loved it!
And I enjoy being your vampire supporter...lol. My pms are always available for vamp talk...lol.
**Emma

Author's Response: Thank you. (: My beta loved that conversation as well. xD I'm glad you loved it; it makes me happy.

Reviewer: hermione_granger4life
Date: 07/09/08 9:52
Chapter: Chapter Three: Feeding Demons

OMG!!! I cannot believe I just read this for the first time...vampires and magic: how could you go wrong with that? It's great dear! I LOVE Dante...I hope you update soon! :)
**Emma

Author's Response: Haha, thank you Emma! I'm glad you like Dante. (:

Reviewer: MerrryD
Date: 07/05/08 13:16
Chapter: Chapter Three: Feeding Demons

Jess! -huggles- You are so talented.

I have a few little nitpicks:

A faint –pop- echoed through the alley.
They all landed with a thud, and immediately, Dacia was sent in a coughing fit.


This is just a formatting error. You need to fit enter again after alley.

When Dante is telling his story about Vance, and he moves on to a seperate paragraph, there shouldn't be quotation marks. Like:

It was perfect until… he came.”

This is the last line of the first paragraph. Since Dante is still speaking when the next paragraph starts, the quotation marks aren't needed.

...how selfish vampire had become...

I think that vampire is suppose to be plural here...

I lived on my own for a couple of years until word got out that I was a wizard vampire...

Err... technically she's a witch vampire, not a wizard vampire.

Okay. So that's all my nitpicks.

"Aren't we a fabulous triangle of grotesque characters?" she scathingly replied.

“Well, aren’t you a fucking ray of sunshine?” Dacia spat back.


hahahaha. I couldn't help myself. I burst out laughing at those lines.

He noticed how she smiled seductively...

Ooh... Who's this?

Your monster party just got even more intriguing. I can't wait to see how they all deal with living with each other. I'm even more intriuged about that little insight we got to Dante's past. I want to know what happens between everyone. Like if there's anymore Dante/Dacia action. Or if there's some Dante/Ravenna. I'm just eager for more in general. :D

Amazing chapter!

-hugs-

Peace out.

-Mere

Author's Response: Aww, Mere, you picked out my favourite line from the entire story thus far! haha. I actually had the 'grotesque' quote in my facebook quote section. xD -isatotallyloser- Oh, you missed Dante/mysteriouswomenwhoisvaguelymentioend. Dante can be with whoever; he's just that irrestible, haha. (: And 'living with each other?' but Dante and Ravenna are dead. Okay no more vampiric puns. Thanks again Mere. Your reviews always make me smile.

Reviewer: NoxSomnium
Date: 06/05/08 15:00
Chapter: Chapter One: I'm All Dressed Up and Ready to Play

It doesn't fit with the summary very well. I think we need a more through explanation of why she's the outcast of the outcast. Otherwise that was a pretty good setting up chapter. Those are always difficult.

Author's Response: The summary is ambiguous. It's explained later. And thank you.(: I hope you ejoyed.

Reviewer: Stubbornly_appeared
Date: 05/17/08 12:15
Chapter: Chapter Two: Angels, Monsters, and Redemption

I think I know where the uprising in vampire/werewolf fics is coming from- not that I object. I like this Dante dude.

Author's Response: It's definitely not coming from Twilight if that's what you mean; rather it's coming from my own imagination and Anne Rice and Bram Stoker and the movie Van Helsing. And thank you on your compliment on Dante.

Author's Response: It's definitely not coming from Twilight if that's what you mean; rather it's coming from my own imagination and Anne Rice and Bram Stoker and the movie Van Helsing. And thank you on your compliment on Dante.

Reviewer: MerrryD
Date: 05/07/08 20:23
Chapter: Chapter Two: Angels, Monsters, and Redemption

Hey Jess!

Monster party! My favorite kind! lol.

...her cheeks turned a light pink colour and then faded back into her unnatural pale complexion.

Hmm... I think you want unnaturally.

Great description, by the way.

“It should be rather obvious, shouldn’t it?” she asked, her eyes still wide in shock.

I found this a little confusing, why was she in shock? I think you could add a few words and explain it.

Immediately, she glanced up at Dante who looked surprisingly calm.

There should be a comma after Dante.

And again, Dacia stopped him by grabbing his hand that was wrapped around the door handle.

Last paragraph she was sitting on the couch. Now she's grabbing his wrist at the door. How did she get to the door?

That's all of my nitpicks. :)

But an angel couldn’t possibly have blessed him this way for he was sure that he wasn’t gaining salvation.

Why do all vampires think that they are doomed for eternity? lol. Actually, I really like the way you protrayed Dacia's and Dante's opinions of themselves. The way they both think they're cursed and evil, how Dante thinks he has it worse, how Dacia's is scared to death of being alone... I love it.

Dante saw his mistake; Dacia saw the golden opportunity.

I like this sentance. I think I like the way it shows how they both view the samething differently. I also just like the way it flows.

“You’d be surprised then,” he said, his eyes looking at certain parts of her body.

heehee. :D

Concerned, Dacia looked at the window behind her.

I love how she's concerned for him and not herself. lol.

For once, she felt normal.

*sigh* If only "normal" was something to be wished for for all of us.

I loved it! I like how the dark and angst is juxapose with some cynical humor, cheekiness, and some longing.

Great chapter!

-Mere

Author's Response: Thanks Mere.(: And you pinpointed exactly why I loathe Dante so, but his character is so set there's no turning back; he'll get better... hopefully.xD Yeah, Dacia is like that; it'll be more pronounced next chapter and more to come. And yes, I like that it's not completely consumed by D/A (that's one of my pet peeves when reading D/A). Again, thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed it.;)

Reviewer: evester
Date: 05/06/08 22:03
Chapter: Chapter Two: Angels, Monsters, and Redemption

I really liked this chapter- it was well written and got the plot started really well. Haha what a team those two will make- the werewolf and the vampire.

I loved the end- "For once, she felt normal"- it's so in character with what you've told us about Dacia.

Loved it, and can't wait to see more!

Author's Response: I like the sound of that: "the werewolf and the vampire." Won't they make such a duo? It's funny you mention that last sentence because the last quote of the chapter was what my beta liked.XD I really love that ending, and I'm glad you pointed it out. Thanks for the review Eve! :D

Reviewer: Gin_Drinka
Date: 05/06/08 16:48
Chapter: Chapter Two: Angels, Monsters, and Redemption

Goodness, this is so original. I adore originality, so, naturally, I adore this.

I already think Dacia is great. And I like Dante... I think you said you hated him... lol, SO surprising. ;)

Okay, so I thought all of the thoughts running through their heads, their shared fear of loneliness was fitting and very well done.

I don't have specific nitpicks this time, but I did notice that the characterization seemed to sway a bit. At moments it felt like they were strangers, and at the other like they were in desperate need of each other.

Okay, I didn't say that right. Lol, I know they are strangers who need each other (LOVELY thought...)

What I meant was that their reactions were not set. One moment Dacia seems like the most timid thing, and the next she is daring... I don't know, maybe that's intentional... I just thought that was the only thing I could nitpick about.

And lol, you're already showing more and telling less. ;) I remember having to learn that lesson. It's the toughest one.

Keep updating this quick. I can't wait to see where this is going...
mia

Author's Response: I'm glad you love the originality; it's what I'm striving for. Origianl Fiction set in Fanfiction. (: I DO HATE HIM.xD You remembered, haha! (And yes, it's one of the biggest surprises, eh? haha, I've implied their other needs. -laughs- Dacia points this out in her attempt to refute that Dante shouldn't stay with her. Dacia is really hesitant and irrational; she's still young so decisions aren't set forth in black and white for her, and she's just scared so thus she really has lost her marbles and rationality. And I'm glad about the last comment!!! WEWT.:* Thank you so much for this review Mia. It made me smile.

Reviewer: Afifa
Date: 05/06/08 4:22
Chapter: Chapter Two: Angels, Monsters, and Redemption

omg! He's a vampire! That is so cool. =D I loved this chapter. In fact, I liked it even better than the previous one. I'm adding it to my favourites. =)

Author's Response: OHMY! He is!! -squeal- And a damn sexy one at that.xD Thanks for the review Afifa.(: I'm glad you adored this chapter; they're only going to get bettter. ;D

Reviewer: mudbloodproud
Date: 05/05/08 18:04
Chapter: Chapter Two: Angels, Monsters, and Redemption

I can't wait to read more. Both chapters are very well written. Though I will admit to having to look up the word, hectically. I can't wait to see where this is going. I also can't wait to see why she has the hostility against Harry. After all, he was close to Remus, so couldn't he be looked on as an ally?
As I said, great piece. Keep up the good work.

Author's Response: I promise next chapter you will know where this is going.(: And she wasn't hostile towards Harry; she was hostile to the newspaper, and how they talked about Harry's problems rather than hers. Thank you! I'm glad to hear they were well written. -big smile-

Reviewer: Sirius Girl 08
Date: 05/04/08 22:57
Chapter: Chapter Two: Angels, Monsters, and Redemption

Hey Jess! I liked this chapter a lot - well done :-) This has also provided a nice litte tea break for me whilst studying. Ah, I fear I may end up falling for Dante as much as Darcia appears to be doing.

Seriously though, it was very well written - both of them knowing what they should do and nearly doing it only to stop at the last second. I think you explain both of their thoughts and feelings very well *pat on back*

Can't wait for chapter three :-) xXx

Author's Response: I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW THIS WAS UP! haha, I just checked, and BAM! another review.xD Aww.:3 I smell love in the air! Thank you so much Ruth.:D Chapter Three is going to be on a delay since my beta hasn't given me the edited version back yet! Ohno!

Reviewer: Weasleyboyfreak
Date: 04/28/08 20:36
Chapter: Chapter One: I'm All Dressed Up and Ready to Play

Hey Jess!

I know you've been talking about this in the Badger Bar and let me just say that it is wonderful. I love these OC's that you have created. They feel really realistic and a reader can easily relate to them. I like how you show dacia's inter turmoil from her werewolfism. I cannot wait to see what happens next as I have really enjoyed the first chapter. Keep up the good work dear! You have a real talent! :]

~Kayla

Author's Response: Aw, thanks Kayla! I'm glad you love the OC's; expect me to brag more about them... well only Ravenna.xD Thank you again!

Reviewer: Gin_Drinka
Date: 04/26/08 21:55
Chapter: Chapter One: I'm All Dressed Up and Ready to Play

So Jess, I too have come to read your story. Lol, I see why you're proud of it. It's very good.

I do have a few nitpicks however. I'll start with those.

No matter how she hard she tried to see past her grotesque state, she couldn’t- she was that, nothing more.


I'm guessing that first 'she was a typo. :) And plus, I just liked the line as a whole. Wanted to point that out.

She averted from eyes from the mirror and washed the cream off of her hands.

I'm also guessing it should be 'her' instead of from, that first time.

a plethora of friends, a boyfriend to accompany her side, looks, and popularity.


I loved the use of the word 'plethora'. Nice little touch. The nitpicking part was just that 'accompanying her side' didn't make much sense. Was it supposed to be 'a boyfriend by her side' or 'a boyfriend accompanying her'? It's kind of confusing as it is.

They seemed to juxtapose his strong features; he looked rather vulnerable for the infinite three seconds.


No nitpick here. I just loved this line. Natural, poetic and lovely.

So, I've got to say, this looks promising. HOnestly, and I think I've said it before, you really are a good writer Jess. I thought that at parts maybe you could have shown the reader rather than told him, but all in all it was very good.

And, lol, don't feel bad that I'm not being expressive about my praising. 'Good' from me really means something. Well, to me it does. If I think you're good, it's not just light praise.

So, can't wait for more when it comes!
Mia

Author's Response: Thanks Mia. :D Yeah, I keep meaning to get around to those typos...>.> I've gotten a tad bit lazy, bahha. And I'll keep that in mind: show not tell, my downfall,ha.

Reviewer: jenny b
Date: 04/26/08 20:04
Chapter: Chapter One: I'm All Dressed Up and Ready to Play

When I heard this was posted, I was a little hesitant, because after all the promotion it had on the boards I wasn’t sure whether it could live up to the reputation that preceded it.

But it outdid it. Wow, Jess. This was amazing.

This was a lovely first chapter. I loved how you got right into what was happening, and you’ve weaved the introduction to Dacia’s character throughout the whole chapter, along with her feelings about being a werewolf. It makes it flow very well.

I was actually really surprised to learn that Dacia was a werewolf. I thought that this fic was going to be centered around vampires and vampires only. I’m not disappointed, though. It will be really good to read a fic with a humane werewolf as the main character.

It’s a different type of werewolf to what we’ve seen in the books, which is just Fenrir, who sees the lycanthropy as an advantage; and Remus, who does well living a normal life despite it. Dacia obviously does not have friends who overlook her condition, and she definitely doesn’t enjoy it, so it will be interesting to see her perspective.

I think you captured her emotions really well. Her loneliness, hatred of herself … it was all written wonderfully.

Last night was the reason she was injured, but most importantly, it was the essence of hell as those nights always were.

This line literally made me shiver. It was phrased beautifully. Essence of hell … you should be a horror writer, Jess. Although I suspect this fic is heading in that direction. :]

I’m really curious as to what made Dacia take Dante home from the bar. It didn’t seem very IC of her. To me, Dacia seemed to be full of self-pity, and didn’t really care too much about other people. I think there must be some subconscious desire for companionship, despite what she insists to herself.

Upside: it was her first guest ever in her apartment.

That made me laugh. I can see the relationship between them already. :]

You’re driving me crazy with not knowing what will happen. The summary doesn’t give too much away, and you haven’t revealed much of the plot so far. I’m really interested to see what you’re going to do with such original characters and setting.

Anyway, Jess, I really enjoyed this chapter, and I can’t wait to read the next one. This will be going on my favourites (which is a high honor, believe me. :]) Good work!

~Jen

Author's Response: Aw, thanks Jen! This was supersuper sweet. Isn't it nice to see that Dacia is a werewolf, and that it'll be from her perspective? And I love all of the compliments on Dacia especially when I am not very fond of her; it's probably because I know more of her. Haha, expect horror.(: I guess you'll have to figure out what the plotline is then, eh while waiting in antagonizing suspense? hah. All I'll say, it pay attention to the last line of the summary, that's the only hint.

Reviewer: Nina_Felis
Date: 04/23/08 23:08
Chapter: Chapter One: I'm All Dressed Up and Ready to Play

It's definately got my interest. Can't wait to read more.

Author's Response: See below.

Reviewer: Nina_Felis
Date: 04/23/08 23:05
Chapter: Chapter One: I'm All Dressed Up and Ready to Play

It's definately got my interest. Can't wait to read more.

Author's Response: Chapter Two is in the queue. :D And thank you.

Reviewer: MerrryD
Date: 04/23/08 19:16
Chapter: Chapter One: I'm All Dressed Up and Ready to Play

I love the beginning. It's a normal event to be looking in the mirror, one we can all relate too, but it immediately tells us that there's something different about Daica. I also love the detail you described her scars in. It made them seem very real, painfull, and quite frighting.

There was some pity that she felt for herself, but the more prominent feeling was self-loathing.

We all know this feeling. Obviously, not for the same reasons Dacia knows it, but we can relate to her none the less.

I'm a little confused about the boy. Did she actually bite him, or just scare him to death?

Dante, drunk or not, sounds incredibly sexy. :D

Before she could get any ideas of companionship, Dacia turned back down the hallway towards her bedroom. I am a werewolf, she quietly reminded herself, and I will hurt him.

Awww.... poor Dacia.

I love the detail you go into and how you describe things. Like when Dacia was staring at the beer bottle, or her feelings about the bar.

I can't wait for the next chapter!
-Mere

Author's Response: Aw thanks Mere.:D I never thought about the reader relating back to Dacia, but I'm glad she does considering her being a werewolf. She didn't bite the boy; she scared him off... unintentionally, ha. And yes, Dante is quite sexy, eh? He gets even better.xD (BB has a picture of him, ha.)

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