This is a very well written story that catches the imagination. I do have to say that I have a few critiques of it. First, Charlie's family is basically Muggle...even if her mother was a witch, she would not have been allowed to go to Hogwarts that year because of being a half-blood...especially since she had been raised as a Muggle. The Death Eaters had already taken over the school and the Department of Magic enough to try to take the wands from all half-bloods and Muggle-borns.
I'm not so sure that she would know Hogwarts that little, too. She got lost way too easily to have been there the entire year. Yes, things were a bit bad at Hogwarts because of the Carrows, but the students stood beside each other and if things had gotten that bad and miserable for Charlie, I'm sure her mother would have kept her home after Christmas, or at latest Easter break. The students had even more reason to learn the secret passages, but again, especially as a 1st year half-blood witch, her life would have been in danger long before this point of the story.
Your description of her fear, dying, encounter with the Death Eater, and uncertainty about the battle were good and it was a good plot line...although I think it would have been more realistic for her to have been at least a second year because of the limitations that started just prior to that year determined by the Death Eaters.
All considered this was a great story and good job!
The ending was amazing, really powerful and deep. I loved every word!
Author's Response: thanks for the review and I'm glad you enjoyed it!
:( That was sad, but really good.
I've just got one problem, though it's your story, course- you described Harry as scrawny and small. In the book, Harry -being like James- was described as thin, but he wasn't scrawny, as such. He was quite tall (Hermione mentioned it in book 6, and in book seven, when everyone took the polyjuice potions, Hermione and Fleur were described to be 'shooting upwards'. He was certainly taller than them, unless they were midgets. But brilliant story :D
Author's Response: Thanks for the review and I'm glad you enjoyed it.rnrnThe reason I described Harry as scrawny and small is because that is how I think Charlotte would have seen her. I think that to an 11/12 year-old who was terrified of dying, Harry wouldn't have looked especially impressive. I also think she would have heard stories all year of how amazing he was and would have most-likely built up an image of him in her head, so that when she saw him in real life she was shocked and probably focused on small he seemed in comparison to the hero/warrior image she may have developed.rnrnThank you for pointing it out, because it makes me think about my writing and wonder why I did certain things.rnrn-Hannah
i was sobbing by the end of that - bravo!
Author's Response: thanks for the review - I'm glad you like it, though I'm sorry I made you cry!
Oh, my goodness! This made me cry! *continues to cry* Poor Charlotte! (And that's my name as well...haha) That's just such an incredibly sad story. You did a fantastic job!
Author's Response: thanks for the review and I'm glad you enjoyed it though I'm sorry I made you cry!
really good story=]
Author's Response: thanks! I'm glad you liked it.
I really like how you interpreted this scene with a first year. You did a very nice job in fitting everything in with canon and then making it your own. I really liked reading this, it's interesting and well-written.
Author's Response: Hi, thanks for the review and I'm glad you liked it. I like to stick to canon as much as possible but create my own characters and stories within it so I'm glad you felt that it was my own
But...she can't die..it's not fair...
She was meant to go home!
It's weird. Somebody our age dying....
I can't believe it.....
Ohh. Well, at least Ginny was there.....
I think...I think, well, you should have a line saying something like, "The helper looked up, uneasily, as if someone else was there. This was impossible, as there WAS nobody there.. But..I felt stronger somehow. As if someone meant to do the right thing, and save the remaining fighters. And with that notion in my head, I murmured "It Hurts" and slipped away...into nothing...."
Or something like that. =/ I know, it's not great, but it'd just be a ...better ending I feel. Like, we feel she's at least slightly happy. =[ And it'd tie in with the whole Harry Thing.
Author's Response: Hi, thanks so much for the review and the suggestion for the ending. I never really thought about the moment Harry walks past, I was too busy concentrating on Charlotte's world but I think you're right when you say it could work to end it like that. I think in some ways the fact that she doesn't understand the war or what's happening means she might not have taken comfort in knowing there was someone who was going to stop it - to her all that mattered was her own pain, she didn't fully appreciate the wider suffering. I know she meets a very sad end and it's weird to thing of someone so young dying. I'm sorry I couldn't give her a happier way to go but I hope you liked the fic anyway and thanks for such a long review!
She was only twelve! When I read the DH, in the part where the girl was left behind, I totally didn't notice about the fact that she was so young. And she died! I wish the war wasn't fought. So many people died. But this was really well written. Thank you for writing this.
Author's Response: Thank you so much for the review. Though the book didn't specify how old she actually was, I definitely pictured as quite young. I agree that it was sad that people had to die.rnAlso thanks for thanking me for writing this - that's so nice of you!rn
I totally agree! I think I might have felt cheated if she had lived, not all stories end happily.
Just so you know, I also have a strange attraction to hyphens. You're not alone! :D
Author's Response: hehe, I really do have a thing for them. This fic was full of hyphens until my beta got hold of it! Thanks for the read and review. I'm glad you agree with the decision for her to die, I felt it made the story more powerful in some ways. Thanks again!
wow this was intense from the pov of a 12 year old it somehow seemed much more sad this was a very gud story n i m lookin forward to more from u
Author's Response: Thanks for the review - I'm glad you liked this. I think that witnessing the battle through the eyes of someone so young gives a very different perspective to how it is seen by an adult and the fact that she dies so young also makes it more sad I think.rn
This is a great first fanfic! I liked how Charlotte tried to run for the Great Hall and the Entrance Hall. While is makes no sense for us to run towards what might be the heart of the battle, for a 12-year-old it would be perfectly logical to find familiar ground in an attempt to escape.
It is sad, but Jo told us over 50 people died at the Battle of Hogwarts. I never thought the small girl Ginny was comforting would be one of the casualties, but your story certainly made me think about the possibility.
Great job, and I hope to see you write more!
Author's Response: Thank you so much for the review and I'm glad you enjoyed it! I'm not quite sure why this girl jumped out at me so much when I read the book but she wouldn't let me rest until I'd written this. I also thought it would be interesting to look at the people who could have been there by accident especially as to me the book implied that the girl Ginny was talking to was quite young. rn
Wow! This was an awesome story! I really REALLY enjoyed reading it! I am eagerly awaiting may more of your awesome stories!!!
ALL THE BEST!!!
Author's Response: thank you so much for leaving the first review to my first ever fic. I'm glad you enjoyed it. I have plenty more ideas - it's just a case of getting good enough to post!rnThanks!