That was a cute story. The food sounded delicious. I'm ready to think about lunch:D But I don't want to think about being on a boat--I get motion sick. I don't know why but the part of the story that struck me was when George was thinking about why Fred hadn't seriously dated Angelina and said that it was because they thought they had all the time in the world. Doesn't that happen all too often? Maybe I was thinking about that because one of the janitors came in this morning and told me about attending his father's 90th birthday party in LA. He talked about how long it's been since he'd been "home" and that he wanted to visit family more often. George's dream and his comments were pretty funny and made funnier when he substituted the Weasleys for the prince's family:D Great story. Good for reading on a cold day.
Have you ever tried accupressure wrist bands? They really work. I get motion sick when I try to read in the car, which has always made me sad on car trips. :D
Aw, the story about the man wanting to visit family is sweet. It's a sad-but-true aspect of human nature to think it's possible to put things off indefinitely when there's no guarantee there will be an opportunity if you wait.
My other SD friend said it was a balmy -15 in her neck of the woods. If you have the same temps, I hope you had coffee to go along with the imagined warmth! :)
Ah-ha! Perfect! I always felt that their honeymoon was off. I guess not long enough for me. I needed, I dunno, maybe twenty chapters per tropical getaway. XD No, I'm just kidding. I liked this. A lot.
Author's Response: The Matchmakers friends had, what, four chapters in Spain? They weren't on "honeymoons" so they had to do more touristy activities, heh.
I totally love it. I was wondering what happened on the boat trip. BTW when will you finish For Bitter or For Worse???
Author's Response: Thank you, thank you! Right now, it's looking like 40 chapters, over all!
i didnt get in trouble the teacher did tell me it was a good prank though ..... i would be in trouble but the principal was sick
Author's Response: You were following in the hallowed footsteps of Fred and George. :D I'm glad you're not in trouble, and thanks again for reading the story!
i love it that was so good...but how can you not like april fool its soooo fun today i took every clock in the school and hide the batteries it was sooo funny.......then i had to go around and give then back though ;(;(;(
*Imagines the reactions if you said you didn't remember where they were* You're not currently in detention, are you? :D
My april fools day has been less than fun so i enjoyed a good story... i cant wait to find out what happens next...
Author's Response: An April Fool's Day less than fun? Inconceivable! I'd hex whoever is responsible, but I'm not a witch, and I don't think even virtual voodoo would work on anonymous victims, heh.
-giggles- I promise no April Fools joke this year!
But I really do like this one...The story and all...And of corse george wants to the hero of a story! Its George! -giggles-
George isn't exactly the shy, retiring type....must be why I enjoy writing him so much, LOL.
i luved it very cute n i like the folk tale a lot
Author's Response: Thank you! I had a lot of fun retelling it. :-)
Loved it! Great little short. =]
I'm greatly thankful. :)
Very cute! I love how you put all of this cultural stuff into your writing.
Great Job, and Happy April Fools Day! (And no, that was not a joke review, I really did like it.)
Author's Response: I'm so glad you like that element of the story! You made my day, and that's no joke either!
Hey. Wonderfulicious, as always. Happy April Fool's day!!!
Author's Response: I'll never get tired of saying thank you! ;)
Hey. Wonderfulicious, as always. Happy April Fool's day!!!
It is now! ^_~ Thank you for the s'wonderful review!
"For the same reason you never asked Alicia out. We fooled ourselves into thinking we had all the time in the world."
I love the input that Fred has in your stories. But I really admire this one because it is so true.
Happy Birthday Weasley Twins! RIP Fred.
I wish it wasn't true, that Fred was alive, saying this, not just living on in George's memory.
Thank you for cheering me on a day that's happy and sad!
Happy Birthday George! =D
Blaise makes a princely host; graciously sharing his time with his guest and small cousin. He and George could not be fast friends, but they respect each other, and that is a good place to start. There's a lot of potential there, if George and Blaise ever put their heads together on a mission.
I had to chuckle at George imagining Arthur the Sultan striking a Superman pose with billowing robes and a Molly-made 'A' sweater--surrounded by his children in their matching outfits.
George is as resourceful and inventive as the clever prince in the folk tale, and it's good to know that while George may catch and release his fish, Alicia won't be "the one that got away!"
Delightful missing moment!
You have me imagining Arthur in superman pj's now...a surprisingly cute image! ;) Maybe I should've put the A on his turban, though I was trying to give the jumper impression.
I salaam in honour of your awe-inspiring fish analogies. Delightful and apt. Fabulous! *salaams*
Celebrating the twins' b-day with this story is simply great. This story was just as good the second time around (read it on the other site a month ago). This is up to your usual level of magnificent storytelling. George is so sassy and mischievious. Keep up the great work! :-)
Upgrades...the necessary evil of our time...LOL
Thank you for re-reading and celebrating the twins' birthday with me! *hugs*
Your prose is professionally fluid. You describe George's thoughts in almost conversational terms, which emphasizes his easygoing personality. The initial descriptive details effectively create the image of the coast (although I would have preferred greater narrative consistency; you describe the setting once and then totally forgo further description). You have a screenwriter's grasp for building characterization through rapidfire exchanges of dialogue. Also, thank you so very much for actually *researching* before you presumed to write about Arabia!
However, I do have several complaints: first, the story lacks dramatic direction. I began to read it in the understanding that it was a vignette about conflict between George and Blaise...and got nothing more than one thousand words about wizards loafing on a yacht. "Featherweight" would be too generous. Blaise himself was totally superfluous to the story! Additionally, you summarize the passage of time with trite, indeterminate statements. If you must skip over events, use definite details to make them seem more vivid. Instead of glancing over the struggle to get the fish aboard, say "He tugged on the rod for a good minute until, at last, a shimmering fish burst from the water. He reeled it up and flopped it onto the deck." That shouldn't be too much work for a writer of your prodigious talent, and it will clarify the events to your readers. Finally, employ more forceful language; you cannot expect your readers to believe your say-so, but must seize them by the throat and *force* them to understand. Instead of "The generous breakfast made George sleepy", say "His stomach bulged with his breakfast. Its weight dragged him down into sleep" -- or some such. Emotions, especially, you state far too bluntly.
In any case, you've done a very slick job. Thank you for treating me!
Author's Response: Thank you for being treated and for treating me to your thoughts! The fic is a "missing moment" from For Bitter or for Worse, told as the story equivalent of a wizard photograph, capturing a moment in time. It wasn't intended to be dramatic, but angsty, when "Fred" said they fooled themselves into thinking they had all the time in the world. I wanted to show that George, like Prince Sadaka, is making the best of his circumstances--and the most of the time he has with Alicia. The amount of narrative varies in each of my stories, but I'll confess my strongest element is usually character, revealed through dialogue. I'm not a flowery writer. In general, I believe description and details are needed to keep the reader grounded in the story, but not in large doses, because description is static, and fiction is movement. I keep in mind the character, too. George is the action over words type, so he might use shimmering to describe Alicia's skin when he's caressing it after she's used sparkle body lotion, :D, but not in regard to a fish. Since he's the leading man of a angsty romance, I'll never give him a bulging stomach: muscular, maybe, or taut, heh. Mundungus, however, would fit that suggestion brilliantly!
Blaise is definitely a supporting character in my George/Alicia stories, but if you're interested in him, I'd love you to read Chasing Angelina and tell me what you think of my description of the final battle from his pov in ch 1! I can't grab you by the throat and *force* you, ^_~, but oh, if I could cast a compulsion spell....
I like it! the only thing that bothered me was you giving the sultan an A on his chest--all I could think about was "the scarlet letter". I had to reread the sentence three times before i could figure out what you were trying to say. maybe you could describe him some other way to let us know george is thinking of arthur...?
Author's Response: I thought I was responding to your review and ended up reviewing somehow. Got to go to the beach, my brain isn't up to thinking today. :D ps read the second review, lol.