I'm going to cry. This is exactly how it might have happened- but how I always wish it wouldn't. I love how you portray Draco and Ginny - I love how you alternated between their point of views. I wish it hadn't ended like that. But it had to - like that movie, I forget, where the author is writing a character who turns out to be a real person. And in the end, he gets hit by a bus. It had to end that way - there was no other ending. I only wish Ginny had woken up in the hospital like that guy in the movie.
This was brilliantly written. I love it, but I'm still crying a little.
Hey, Okay, since I last reviewed, I have learnt how to actually review well, so I came back!
Okay, I thought the plot for this story was very clever, it was a really good idea, and I liked how it could have actually happened without it having to be AU. It was really well written, and you captured Ginny’s and Draco’s feeling and emotions perfectly. I liked how you had both characters still in love with their husband/wife and having a family, and yet still having very deep feelings for each other. However I thought there was a small issue with a slight plot hole. The flashbacks were very useful in explaining the feelings they had for each other, but I wasn’t sure exactly how the characters feelings jumped from distaste to love. I think may be a small paragraph at the beginning of the flashback would help to explain this.
Ginny’s characterisation was very well done. “The world was a large place and she only saw the smallest part of it. Her home was expected to be her world, and she was supposed to be happy, like her mother” This really shows how different Ginny wants to be. It shows that sometimes she feels pressured to be like her mother, but really she is a very different person; I think this is exactly how Ginny would feel, and you described it very well. I also really liked the metaphor of the cage; I think it is very plausible that Ginny thought like this, it was really cleverly done.
Draco’s characterisation was also good. You showed his more lonely, separate side with things like: “But he was different on his walk, and didn’t want company.” I can definitely imagine Draco feeling like that, and wanting to be by himself to think about things. I loved how you had the flashbacks to explain the background to the story, and how you described their love for each other, even though they knew it could never happen. The feeling of him being trapped was also very strong in this story; I thought the line “the place that showed his mistake, his biggest mistake” was very powerful and is the first insight into the rest of the plot of the story.
I liked how you switched PoV between each paragraph too, clearly showing that both characters felt the same. The timeline confused me slightly however; at the beginning when they were both writing, was that just after they had settled down? And then later on, when it was just Draco, how long has passed?
I thought there were a lot of powerful sentences in this story, and I truly loved the idea of Draco feeling like something was wrong, and seeing the red of the leaves, and the fire not lighting. This was a particularly powerful part of the story, and I thought you wrote it very well.
i liked this. it's very emotional. :D good job
wow. how tear jerking was that? havent cried like that in a while! that was fantastic, i really enjoyed it!
Oh. My. God. I don’t even have words to express how the ending of that made me feel. I felt chills down my back reading it. Beautiful, beautiful job, Alison.
You know, Draco/Ginny has really been growing on me. Her strong passion and raging fire fit nicely with his cold personality and hard soul. The more I read that pairing the more I appreciate it, and I have to say that this is the fic that pushed me over the edge—I definitely think they work. And the best thing that you did in this story is that you kept it all fully compliant. Great job.
Also, I agree with the person before me that the line regarding the names was the true breaking point in the story. That was the moment when the reader really feels for the two characters. It wasn’t when Ginny died or when the two were left with only memories, but when they realized their passion. I think that’s the biggest reason why this is a love story and not a story of characters’ despair. The love just flows through the story. Great job!
Also, I loved this paragraph:
Astoria was perfect, and was exactly the kind of wife he wanted. She didn’t ask questions, she understood him, and she loved him completely. But she was sweet, kind, gentle, soft. She wasn’t fiery, and he wanted that… He missed that.
It really parallels the relationship of Lucius/Narcissa. Lucius married his wife for blood, safety, and because she adored him like a king. I can definately see Draco doing the same. He married the girl of pureblood who his family respected and he knew would care for him. She’s the weak, soft woman who Draco knows he can control. I just thought it was interesting. The apple doesn’t fall too far from the tree, and I'm sure Draco would look for the same things in a wife as he saw his father having with his mother.
I also loved that you switched between point of view of Draco/Ginny in many paragraphs. You were able to compare the two characters piece by piece using their actions. (Actions speak louder than words!) Those little bits are the narration parts of the story that are really the glue for the plot—they hold together the sections of story-line and are the basis of the characterization in the writing. Plus, I liked that you differentiated between whose thoughts they were by putting Ginny’s in italics. And the fact that Ginny’s were in italics came full circle in the end when the reader found out that Ginny had actually died and it was really Draco’s story all along.
This is a fantastic story, Alison. nice job!
Draco/Ginny is and always has been my OTP, but I don’t think I’ve ever read a Draco/Ginny story that wasn’t AU after DH came out. I quite like the way you stayed true to canon here. It’s very sad and melancholy, but also very beautiful. The parallel structure you use to show that Ginny and Draco feel and act the same way, even though they don’t know it, is a very poignant way to show how right they are for each other and how similar they are. It’s as if the other one is present during their walks, even though they are miles apart, they are very close in their thoughts.
They had chosen, and had chosen wrong. This line is, in my opinion, the most tragic in the whole story. It carries the weight of all Ginny and Draco’s feelings in it. For me it was more emotional than Draco finding out that Ginny is dead or his visit to her grave. This is the one line that nearly made me tear up, because this is the point where it all starts going wrong. Before this moment they still had a choice, they could have chosen each other and happiness against all odds, but they didn’t, and now they can’t undo their choice and have to settle for second best and maybe a little sliver of happiness when they could have had it all.
Draco stared up at the trees as he walked back home, decades later. […] He stared as the red-orange leaves fell apart.
He shuddered, and looked up at the fire. But it was out, like last night. He doubted it would ever be lit again. I like these two images and how they tie in with the image you used earlier of Ginny lighting up Draco’s life and being the only light during his darkest hour. The leaves represent the smaller image, leading up to the more powerful fire image nicely. At first summer is over, signifying Ginny’s death, but summer will come back, so the image doesn’t carry the finality that the fire image does. The fire image to me symbolizes how Draco will never be warm and happy again, that there’s an essential part of his life is gone and he will never be able to get it back.
I also really really liked that Astoria knew that Draco loved another woman and that he wanted to be alone on his walks to think about his lost chances. At first she seemed to be a rather simple woman, but this shows that she really does know Draco and that he is indeed lucky to have her, maybe luckier than Ginny, because even though Harry jokes about her wanting to see if the world is still out there, I don’t think he really gets the significance these walks have for Ginny.
Every aspect of your story taken together it makes for a lovely read and is a pice of writing I will definitely recommend to others.
I love your story! It is so realistic, it's a pure delight to read. Your characters are believable and solid, and your way with words is excellent. I particularly loved this sentence:
The word came suddenly, like she had been starving and just saying it would nourish her, “Draco–”
This sums up the feeling of love so fully!
That was absolutely stunning. I’m going to attempt to make this a coherent review, but I’m afraid that words may fail.
Let’s start with the writing.
I think that it would only be natural to comment on the perspectives first. I liked how they switched back and forth between the two characters. It was a wonderful technique in order to illustrate the parallels between Draco and Ginny. One of the rather stylistic things that I liked about it was how Ginny’s part is in italics and Draco’s part is in normal type-face. I don’t know if you intended it to be this way, but it makes it seem as if this is Draco’s story, and Ginny just kind of takes over his own thoughts in a way, even though it’s most definitely her. Usually, when I see a story where the perspective shifts between the two characters, I like to see about equal amounts of the story told from each perspective as it lends a nice balance to it. In this, though, I liked that the majority of the story was told from Draco’s point of view. For some reason, it makes it a little more tragic. It’s almost like the reader, like Draco, just never quite got enough of Ginny or her personality.
You are also quite good at portraying complex emotions in a very straightforward way that’s very striking. This was especially evident, I thought, when Draco was trying to re-light the fire (oh, the symbolism!). There were a few sentences in this that I thought were a little clunky. There really weren’t grammar errors, it’s just style. And, I’m just feeling really nit-picky – they’re not really a problem. Although I try to refrain from picking individual word errors out (because it’s really just a typo), this one really caught my eye.
He laughed hallowly that he had found out about her death from a newspaper.
It was just such a climactic sentence that I really noticed how that should really be “hollowly”. My apologies, again, for being so nit-picky.
One of my favorite parts of this story is the interactions between Ginny and Draco. I think that characterizing the pairing is one of the more difficult things to do, especially if you keep it canon. And you did a marvelous job. I’m quite fond of the way that they didn’t even use their first names until the very last moment. It’s like they were almost in denial over the implications of their relationship.
I actually would have loved to have seen how this would have gone, if Ginny had indeed saved Draco a year earlier. I’m just trying to imagine the possibilities of how Molly would react and (oh this would make me laugh) what threats Ron might hand down.
Another part that I liked immensely was Harry’s characterization.
She did love Harry. He was her husband, her first love. But he was her best friend, and that was probably all it should have been in the first place. Often she felt terrible, because she realised that she had married the name, her own version of Harry. But that wasn’t the real Harry – not the Harry she had to live with.
Oh, that was so painful to read. It was so easy to imagine Ginny in this situation. It actually kind of mirrors my own thoughts about Harry/Ginny – it just seems too perfect. I’ve always thought that either Harry or Ginny (or perhaps both) were kind of in love with the illusion of the other. They both idealized each other so much, that I would be surprised if one of them wasn’t disappointed. And I thought that Ginny was a much better candidate for the disappointment. This was just so painfully well-written and accurate, that even though I do tend to ship canon, I wanted Ginny to end up with Draco.
After thinking about this story for a while, I sort of wonder how Ginny died. She seems so resentful from her thoughts that the reader is privy to. My first guess, actually, was that she had committed suicide. I don’t know quite why that thought came to mind (or if you even intended for it to be read that way at all), but I almost thought that it had happened. Ginny just seemed to be in so much pain and suffering from so many delusions about her life that, even though she’s one of the strongest characters, I thought that it was possible.
Oh, and I meant to comment earlier on this, but the symbolism of the flames going out when Ginny died was beautiful. I’ll admit that it was a just a little bit obvious, but it was extraordinarily fitting. When Ginny dies, the little bit of light in his life (and past, mostly) is extinguished.
When he tried to light the fire, he failed. But that wasn’t surprising, since he had always been bad at that spell.
The first time I read that, it was a little bit jarring. After I thought about it for a while, though, I loved it. It really illustrates how Ginny helped Draco to live. She was the one who put the light in his life – he never needed to actually light a fire. Just…beautiful.
And, of course, Draco’s scene at her grave just about killed me. The last line was absolutely stunning. Like Astoria, my heart just ached for Draco and all that he had lost.
So, in an attempt to gather my thoughts, I loved this story. You did a lovely job integrating the two characters and really portraying the effect that each of them had on the other. Beautiful.
That was beautiful, and so, so sad. I especially liked the scenes you wrote from Draco's sixth year--the dialogue was particularly well done, I thought.
The last line was a perfect ending. Am I allowed to ask how she died?
Author's Response: Thanks so much! I absolutely love writing dialogue, so I'm glad you like it. To tell you the truth, I never really imagined how she died, except that it was a natural death, nothing tragic. She was getting old, after all.
Oh my God..I love it. This is one of the best stories i have ever read. You make me think that Ginny and Draco would have made a better couple than Ginny and Harry. The ending was totally unexpected. Wow...
Author's Response: Oh, thanks so much! Draco and Ginny are perfect for each other, aren't they?
Gee, I've never really been the type to like D/G, but this was amazing [: The fact that you made it fully compliant, too, was a veritable feat!
The ending, with Astoria, and just after, is, I think, very powerful. Because Astoria knows that his heart doesn't really belong to her, despite the fact that he does love her - just in a different way. That's a powerful concept, and the fact that Astoria is okay with it is also very powerful [:
I need to find a new adjective xD
Good story, and good luck!
Question - if this is for the colour of love, is the colour orange? Or red, or whatever it is that Draco thinks Ginny's hair looks like.
Author's Response: Thanks so much, Amanda! *hugs* Yeah, I really loved writing Astoria in this, because I think any wife who was as noticeable as she was would be able to figure out Draco's daily walks were a bit more than they seemed. I've had a Draco/Astoria plot bunny running around in my head for a while that I hope to write once school gets less hectic… and in that plot Draco would really love her, not just wish she were Ginny, hehe. Oh, and the colour is red-orange — the colour of fire, those tulips, and Ginny's hair.