Reviewer: rambkowalczyk
Date: 05/04/09 11:40
Chapter: Chapter 9- An Impossible Position

Very good chapter. It gives an interesting perspective on Slughorn.

Author's Response: Thank you-- I think Slughorn couldn't have had an easy time during the first war, since his Slytherin-ness was kind of out of keeping with the current trends at the time, but his talents and influence would probably have been very useful to whichever side.

Reviewer: Charles Sinclair
Date: 04/05/09 4:08
Chapter: Chapter 1- The End of the World

I made the transition to actually printing your story off a few months ago, all 78 pages of it. Perhaps this is not the most healthy of developments, but have I mentioned in passing just how very much I love it?

As Rowling has a somewhat sporadic tendency to be rather Dickensian with names (Remus Lupin, Lucius Malfoy), I went looking for Llewllyn. As a duel reference to Celtic gods of a solider and a healer (thanks wikipedia) it seems aptly ambiguous. I doubt this is just a happy coincidence. Excellent choice.

A couple of ultra low key quibbles with the slytherin placement…
- Isn’t Nott, to whom Avery is going to speak to about the game, a “rather elderly” widower, thus not in a age range with Severus? Perhaps this is another Nott relative though, its partly your universe here.
- I thought Regulus, at fourteen would be of an optimum age to be a Quidditch player, rather then an admittedly wiry, small Avery. At any rate, it would be fascinating to read even a very brief view of your take on their interaction. One can easily imagine some terrible acts of petty hatred through association on Severus’s part.

Its refreshing that you made Mulciber “almost handsome”. Slytherin needn’t be by default damned of any attractive qualities; wasn’t that a chief theme of the Deathly Hallows. As ever, I’m burning for the next instalment.

Author's Response: Sorry it has taken me so long to reply! I'm catching up on three chapters worth of reviews at once. You know, I have downloaded a few stories from other writers onto my computer, so I know what you mean about printing the story out. There are ones I don't want to lose if the author decides to move on or gets in a fight with the moderators or something. I'm honored you like this one so much. :) Re: Llewellyn-- I started with the celebrity relative angle, quite honestly, but since there are plenty of those as possibilities, I liked the Welch aspect of things. And when I looked up his name, it meant a combo of "leader" and "image," which is kind of intriguing for a rather complex OC. Anyway, glad you liked it! OK, Nott-- I read somewhere that JKR had said that about Theodore Nott, so this is just a cousin or something. It seems to be a fairly limited set of surnames, especially in Slytherin with the aversion to the fresh blood that Muggleborns bring. Re: Regulus and Avery-- I think of Regulus as tall like Sirius (not Gary Oldman) :) even at fourteen, so I was thinking of him as too lanky to be a Seeker. I've pictured Avery as never getting above about 5'4 or 5'5 or so, but being something of a dominant personality unlike, say, "little Peter Pettigrew." Good point, though-- typically you'd think Regulus would be younger and therefore smaller. I just figured he'd be tall like his brother. As for Mulciber, I pictured a guy who lived on the floor in my dorm in college-- a predatory good-looking frat boy with these dead eyes, the kind of guy who was probably the type behind those occasional newspaper stories of date-rape at fraternity parties. The kind of stories you'd overhear him telling his friends in the dorm lounge were chilling in his total lack of any kind of a conscience. Mulciber just throws in the blood-status thing there, I guess. To conclude, thanks as always for such a thoughtful and interesting review-- I hope the more recent chapters are working for you also. I'm plugging away on ch. 11.

Reviewer: GinnyAndHarry214365
Date: 03/03/09 19:49
Chapter: Chapter 1- The End of the World

Love it! Keep wrighting! Its so awesome, though I think Sirius and James are a little too... I dont know somethings just not right there.

Author's Response: Glad you are enjoying it. :) Sirius and James are being seen from Severus's POV, and I'm basing that mostly on the scenes with them in "Snape's Worst Memory." I don't think I've written anything worse than what they did to him there-- actually, I don't think I've written anything even CLOSE to a relentless, non-stop series of humiliating, even painful, pranks, conducted by a group of them against one of him, in front of a girl they know he's friends with and suspect he's infatuated with. The stuff in "Snape's Worst Memory" is brutal-- hence Harry's response. Anyway, I'm trying to get my teenage James and Sirius from the canon-- that chapter, Lupin's memories, even Pettigrew's comments, as well as Dumbledore's more positive commentary-- so that's my spin on them. :) Hope that helps.

Reviewer: GinnyAndHarry214365
Date: 03/03/09 11:49
Chapter: Chapter 8- Quite the Slytherin

Keep wrighting I love this! Its one of my favorites now.

Author's Response: Glad you like it, and thank you! :) I haven't abandoned it-- I've just been very busy, and stuck on chapter 9. But my two lovely betas are reading it right now, so hopefully I'll post it (and chapter 10, which is also complete) some time soon if they're approved. :)

Reviewer: Sariana
Date: 01/23/09 0:40
Chapter: Chapter 8- Quite the Slytherin

I read this chapter a while ago but am just now getting around to reviewing. Sorry about the delay.

This glimpse into the difficulties of being a Slytherin during the rise of Voldemort highlights the cruelty of Severus's situation. Durning all the debate about whether he was a hero or a villain or something in between, no one really addressed the issues that you present so vividly here. It is so easy to say, "Everyone has a choice" when we have not ever been in a situation where we really don't. Excellent work there.

I don't understand we Severus is so rueful about the Devil's Fire. I thought it was brilliant. Why is he regretting it? I also don't really understand why he is suspicious of Llewellyn, who reminds me vaguely of Dumbledore. Perhaps this early relationship with Professor Llewellyn is a precursor to Severus's later loyalty to Dumbledore? I noticed at least one reviewer also expressed doubts about Llewellyn's intentions.

I LOVE the final scene. I never did like Sirius Black in the original novels and just cannot comprehend the fan worship of him.

Author's Response: I wrote a nice, chatty reply, and the system logged me out and didn't post it-- sorry! I should apologize, first of all, for the delay in posting more chapters-- I have two more ready, the first of which is being beta'ed right now. OK, response to your insightful commentary: I think he's rueful about the Devil's Fire because of how black & white Lily has been in the past on anything pertaining to the Dark Arts, especially when it involves him. As for Llewellyn-- suspecting him is just basic Slytherin self-loathing. He's trying to separate himself from the worst elements of his House-- not that all Slytherins are bad-- and is immediately worried and suspicious about anything associated with it, especially anything that could threaten to undo all the hard work he has done to get Lily back. Finally, I'm with you about SIrius-- the adult one actually has some good traits, but the teenage one is basically shown as a clever, handsome, swaggering bully. But I do think that he'd be kicking himself for embarrassing Lily-- I hope that came across also. I really don't get the fan worship of the teenage Sirius either; the adult one at least has some good things (e.g. the way he is with Harry) to recommend him. Thanks again for the review-- I always love reading your comments. :) Anya

Reviewer: NoxSomnium
Date: 01/04/09 22:26
Chapter: Chapter 8- Quite the Slytherin

Mwahahaha, things get more dangerous. So the line, something about there being a long word for that in German, made me laugh muchly. It was so random, why German? I just giggled in reminiscence. He talked to Mary more, Yay! I really think that there isn't enough of Lily in the books for us to judge her properly, so my opinion of her really really varies from story to story depending on the authors point of view. I don't dislike her as you portray her, but I really think his obsession with her is unhealthy in most stories, so he should end up with Mary! And I just like Mary lots. I should probably go check how often I've told you that just so I can make sure I'm not being completely redundant.
Moving on, Good for Remus. I love him very much, but he really was frustrating in his youth.

Author's Response: Sorry it has taken me so long to reply! (or post a new chapter, for that matter-- I'm working on two right now). :) OK, responding to the points in your review: 1) I think there's a long word for everything in German. ;) 2) Mary is one of my favorite OC"s to write, so I'm glad you're liking her. I was trying to think up a character who could actually get along with both him and Lily. I'm with you about his obsession with Lily being unhealthy-- I get the impression from the canon that she was basically the one good thing in his life, ever, and that he really fixated on her for that reason. Finally, I'm trying to strike a balance when writing about the Marauders, which is hard since it's mostly from Severus's point of view and they're not exactly at their best when dealing with him-- I can imagine Remus having moments of actually showing some backbone. In this case, I think of Remus and Lily (the two 6th-year Gryffindor prefects, in this case) as being good friends, and an affront to her being reason enough for him to stand against Sirius for once. :) Thanks again for the review!

Reviewer: rambkowalczyk
Date: 01/03/09 21:14
Chapter: Chapter 8- Quite the Slytherin

These last two chapters are powerful. I thought for sure Snape was 'lost' after the last chapter. Although you have Snape teetering, at least he has some insight as to what he is doing.

Good conversations. I like how he handled Black. You showed his anguish well.

Author's Response: I actually have some fondness for the adult Sirius Black-- what he's been through, how he is with Harry, the way he's still the 21-year-old they threw in prison in some ways-- and I try to remember that when I'm writing the teenage version. I think he would do something stupid like this, and I think he'd be kicking himself for hurting or offending Lily, especially since he knows how James feels about her. He and James are definitely swaggering bullies, but they're not one-dimensional. Sorry it has taken me so long to reply.

Reviewer: juli_dances
Date: 01/03/09 16:02
Chapter: Chapter 8- Quite the Slytherin

I really like your story. Snape has intrigued me for a while, and your story really fleshes him out well. I'm looking forward to the next chapter and what will happen to him.
~Juli

Author's Response: Thanks very much, and sorry it has taken me so long to reply. :) I have been working on another couple of chapters which, if they are approved, should be up fairly soon. He is a great character-- I agree with you completely that he's intriguing, and it's interesting trying to strike a balance in writing him taking a different path while still being himself. --Anya

Reviewer: Zetera
Date: 12/05/08 12:52
Chapter: Chapter 1- The End of the World

Hey, thanks for your email, and I'm loving this fic so far. I'm definitely keeping an eye on this - can't wait to read the rest when I get the chance!

Author's Response: Glad you're enjoying it-- I'm reworking a few things in the eighth chapter, and it should be up when I get those things taken care of. :) Thank you for the review!

Reviewer: Minerva67
Date: 12/02/08 16:26
Chapter: Chapter 7- Flammae Diaboli

I seldom submit a review, but your story really understands the persona of Severus. I have had some experience with at-risk youth; your analysis of the teen-age Severus is an apt description of case studies in articles such as "Why Boys Join Gangs" in Educational and Psychological jounals. Snape"s background has all the elements: poverty, unemployment, abusive parents, crime-ridden slums, drugs, bullying, poor social skills. Few boys are able to make the break from the gang culture, but I hope that Severus is one of the successful ones. Some of the helpful tools you gave him was the religious encounter in the irish catholic church service, a mentor in Professor Llewellyn and the favorable reaction of a few Hufflepuff & Ravenclaw students. I am afraid though that his plan to sabotage the attack by the junior Deatheaters will backfire and that he will be too discouraged to keep fighting. It has always disturbed the that JKR always portrayed the Marauder"s viscious pranks as "fun'. I always saw James Potter and Sirius as spoiled, snobbish rich fraternity boys. Hogwarts has a disturbing tolerance for student bullying , both of Severus and later of Harry by Draco and Pofessor Snape. And over and over again Harry is let off the hook for defying school rules. I am eagerly awaiting your next chapters.

Author's Response: Sorry it has taken me so long to reply to your interesting and thoughtful review-- busy time of year. I think JKR did a great job of making Severus Snape someone from a background that would believably lead him toward something like the Dark Arts without being an inherently sadistic or brutal person; I remember reading "Snape's Worst Memory" in OOTP and thinking that his teenage self was probably about one hex away from whatever the wizarding equivalent is of something like Columbine. And yes, it bugged me too that all that bullying was allowed to go on-- including Draco's treatment of Harry, Hermione and probably any number of Muggleborns, and Professor Snape's treatment of Harry and Neville in particular. The thing that bothers me the most about the Marauders' bullying is that they almost seem to get rewarded for it: Lupin is made a prefect to try to keep his friends under control, and James, after six years of asserting his dominance over everyone by hexing them left right & center, gets made Head Boy. After a few of the books, I just started taking it that this is how Dumbledore runs things-- he lets Draco bully Harry, but he lets Harry break the rules, for example. Not that I agree with it, but he tends somewhat toward a laissez-faire approach and, quite honestly, toward favoritism. Speaking of which, I suppose it's more realistic of JKR to have the good-looking, rich, spoiled, popular, athletic guy get the girl-- but it's so stereotypical. Personally, I don't think either one of them is a better person than the other-- JKR said something in an interview about Severus not deserving Lily, but if that's the case, James doesn't deserve her either. He seems to me to have as many flaws as Severus; he just has a more attractive and confident exterior and a mean streak that tends toward bullying instead of bigotry. James Potter has all the advantages-- a little bit of poetic justice for the underdog might have been nice. :)

Reviewer: Sariana
Date: 11/17/08 11:51
Chapter: Chapter 7- Flammae Diaboli

Yet another fantastic chapter. You really have a handle on how Severus's mind works. I love how he keeps emphasizing that he doesn't care about the other students and how that actually gets in his way when creating this spell. His single-mindedness here is just like that in the original books.

I also like how you created a backstory for the Devil's Fire we see Severus use to protect the Philosopher's Stone.

I can't say enough about how impressed I am with your story. Please keep up the good work.

Author's Response: Thanks so much -- I'm working on the next chapter (and the one after that) and I hope they don't disappoint. One of my betas, Sandy, is a major Snape-aholic :) and wouldn't let me write anything OOC, so I'm in good hands. I really appreciate the reviews -- between reviews and my betas, I have such great feedback on whether I am doing a believable job of writing him as he might have become. I think your use of the term "single-mindedness" is a perfect description of him; the difference here is that it's several years earlier than in the canon but he's hit upon the fact that the Death Eaters and Dark Arts are an obstacle and not a help when it comes to the one thing he really wants. Thank you again -- my betas are looking over chapter 8, so hopefully I'll be posting it within the week, and chapter 9 is in the works.

Reviewer: NoxSomnium
Date: 11/16/08 22:18
Chapter: Chapter 7- Flammae Diaboli

Ah, but will he now understand that performing Dark Magic is harmful to him? That's the question.

Author's Response: Or will he just be petrified that Lily might find out? :)

Reviewer: linnealovegood
Date: 10/25/08 17:47
Chapter: Chapter 6- Death Eater Boyfriend

i like this. it gives no idea where its going, making me want to keep reading. please write more!!!

Author's Response: Thanks very much-- I'm glad you're enjoying it. It's been interesting to write. :) I have chapter 7 in the queue-- if it's approved, hopefully it will be up soon.

Reviewer: Charles Sinclair
Date: 10/10/08 3:32
Chapter: Chapter 6- Death Eater Boyfriend

I’m glad that you got “death eater boyfriend” up before the que closed, and am now checking and re-checking for the next chapter…

I’ve realized another thing that I really prize in your writing – you always have so many loose ends the works. In somewhat narrow, plot driven focus of many books and t.v. shows, these periphery references to outside events are wonderful. They just dangle, present yet unapparent as the reader is just left speculating. This then offers so many directions in which you may move e.g.
- what did James and Sirus do to make Remus insist upon the change of seating arrangements?
- does Severus maybe build up a friendly acquaintance with the ravenpuffs?
- ‘It was Black, interestingly enough. “It can cause nerve damage that can’t be repaired,” he stated, uncharacteristically soberly. “And madness. It can cause madness.”’ What was the nature of the scene in which Sirus became aware of this?
This all contributes greatly to the realism of your writing.

Your certainly right about it being the ambiguity that is so engrossing. I always found Voldemort an particually odd sort of a villain as he seemed so very inhumanly, unambiguously, disinterestedly “wicked”. In something so wholley alien its difficult to respond with dislike, or any fierce sentiment at all. Conversely, it’s comparatively easy to hatred for Dolores, contempt for Peter etc.

Again, I’m really looking forward to the next chapter. My new fav line is ‘and harder to create Latin incantations for. Why were so many Wizarding incantations derived from a language that possessed a one-word verb for “to run someone through with a sword?”’

Author's Response: Hello again-- I am re-reading the next chapter for last-minute changes, so I'll submit it soon. Nice one noticing the loose ends. :) They're one of the things I love about the real JKR Harry Potter works-- I remember re-reading the first book and having Hagrid's passing reference to borrowing his motorcycle from "young Sirius Black" suddenly coming alive for me, and now that the seventh one has completed the series, there are so many seemingly inconsequential bits and pieces that are actually important or that I can see in a whole new light. I completely agree with you about Voldemort being so one-dimensionally evil that he's not that interesting relative to many of the other characters. Given the info on his childhood that we get, he seems like he's always been a sociopath and that's about it. There are fanfics that flesh him out and make him more intriguing-- I really liked one about himself and a smart, sarcastic girl who happens to be Eileen Prince (Snape)'s sister, More Than a Game, I believe-- it keeps him appropriately sociopathic and yet allows him to be a bit more human and comprehensible. But back to the canon Voldemort-- I read a review once (unfortunately, I don't remember where) that points out that Voldemort is so unambiguously evil that Snape is a much more interesting character for Harry to love to hate. The same goes for Dolores Umbridge, Peter Pettigrew, etc., just like you said. Anyway, I think that ambiguity is part of who Severus Snape is, and not something that he can just erase-- even for Lily. He certainly hadn't by the time of his death at 38 in JKR's works, not even after 17 years of being on Dumbledore's side for Lily's sake. Anyway, thank you again for a helpful, interesting (and long) review. :) They really help with writing this. Anya

Reviewer: Sariana
Date: 09/22/08 18:19
Chapter: Chapter 5- A Fairly Useless Lesson

Ah, thank you for the explanation. Just a suggestion: It would be more clear if Llewellyn said, "You're Severus, is that correct?" if you want to keep the more formal style.

Author's Response: I will change that when I upload Chapter Seven! Thanks very much-- that's much more how he would ask it. :) Anya

Reviewer: Sariana
Date: 09/18/08 1:29
Chapter: Chapter 6- Death Eater Boyfriend

Oh, bonus! I just reviewed the previous chapter without realizing you had already posted the next one.

I am curious as to where you are from. You seem to have a much keener insight into the Nazi movement and its social implications than most Americans.

Your story is amazingly realistic. It is difficult enough being a teenager and navigating life's social circles. You have captured that turmoil perfectly. But these teenagers are also dealing with a real threat and life-and-death choices. You have captured that anxiety perfectly as well.

Excellent work.

Author's Response: Thanks so much, again, and sorry it has taken me so long to reply-- I've been really busy. I'm basically American (we've been here almost my entire life), but my parents are European-- I think I'm just well-read about history. It was one of my majors in college, and I continue to read in the subject as much as my free time allows. Finally, that's a relief that Severus and Lily are coming off as realistic for smart teenagers in troubled times, so thanks for letting me know. He in particular is challenging to write because he's so much younger than the Professor we know and love, :) and also because his story has taken a bit of a twist. Thanks again-- I'll have another chapter up soon. Anya

Reviewer: Sariana
Date: 09/18/08 1:10
Chapter: Chapter 5- A Fairly Useless Lesson

Sorry it took me so long to get to this chapter. I got the update a while ago but wasn't able to read and reply until tonight.

I really like how you get inside Severus's head. His thoughts and feelings all seem perfectly in character here.

I was confused by the exchange at the end of the first class, though. Llewellyn asks Severus "Is that correct?" and Severus nods. What are they referring to? Is what correct? I feel so harebrained, but I just don't understand.

So, where was Lily? Is her absence significant, or was she just in the bathroom or something to allow for the two to run into each other at the door?

Author's Response: Thanks so much for always coming back and reviewing this-- I really appreciate it! It's tricky to write him as an AU character taking a different path, so getting the feedback that he actually seems in character is very, very helpful. OK, the exchange at the end of the first class-- I can see how that's confusing. I should change it to "Severus, right?" as soon as the edit function comes back up, because he's just confirming his name. And Lily-- I think it would take a lot to make her late, since she always has her act together, but she's a prefect, so I envisioned her helping some hapless first-year who has gotten lost. :) Nothing significant. Good question, though-- there are little things here and there in this that ARE significant that probably don't come off as such. :)

Reviewer: FireboltCrasher
Date: 09/15/08 20:34
Chapter: Chapter 6- Death Eater Boyfriend

I really like this chapter because it's written from Lily's perspective. I really enjoyed reading your fic. Please update soon; I really want to know what happens! :)

Author's Response: Glad you liked it! I have more Lily chapters in the works, although the next one is Severus's POV again. She's a great character, though-- I think she's more interesting than many writers give her credit for. I'll fine-tune the next chapter while the queue is down and see where it goes from there. Thanks for the review! :)

Reviewer: LizzyT
Date: 09/15/08 15:07
Chapter: Chapter 6- Death Eater Boyfriend

I love this fic. A lot. It's so sweet. Great job!

Author's Response: I'm so glad you like it! :) During the recent Quicksilver Quills nominations, about four people wrote in this practically identical nomination for another writer's AU story about Severus and Lily, and they all wrote something like "I usually can't stand stories about Severus and Lily, but...". Obviously I just don't understand that, because they're two of the most interesting characters in the canon, and JKR herself is the one who suggested that they could have been a possibility. I love writing about them.

Reviewer: rambkowalczyk
Date: 09/15/08 12:10
Chapter: Chapter 6- Death Eater Boyfriend

It's nice to see Lily off her pedestal a little when she can admit she is embarrassed by Snape's lack of hygiene. You gave Lily a proper personality.

I should have mentioned this in chap 2; I like how the idea that Snape was going to turn into his father was what made him think about his actions and the possibility of change.

If it is your intention for Sev and Lily to get together , it might be useful to show who Lily might be afraid of being if she doesn't change.

Author's Response: There's a quote from JKR about how Lily could have loved Severus romantically if he hadn't been so into the Dark Arts, and that was kind of my inspiration-- trying to figure out how on earth that would have happened and who he would have to become and who she would have to be in the first place for that to even be possible. There are so many Lilys in the fanfic world who, when it comes to Snape post-fight, are either highly melodramatic or are just the one-dimensional cute popular girl who talks to him like she always thought he was pond scum. I always thought that for people to think so highly of her and for her to even have the possibility of being attracted to a guy who was socially rather inept, not much to look at, and not well-liked, she had to be complicated and interesting herself. I'm glad you liked the reason behind his attempt to change in chapter 2. I have seen that actually happen, and it was this powerful, life-changing moment for the person in question, the realization that he was heading down the path to being just like his dad. Obviously in the canon it took a threat on Lily's life to turn him around, but I thought this would be something that could derail him from the path toward the Dark Arts at sixteen. Also, I love your idea about Lily-- I'm going to have to work on that. There are other chapters from her POV. Thank you, as before, for the helpful reviews!

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