This is a great idea for a poem and you've dealt with the Black brothers estrangement extremely well. I love the way you highlight their similarities - their closeness- as well as their differences.
The second chose the cool green den, the cut grew even deeper then.
I adored this couplet. The cool, green den makes Slytherin sound like a very inviting place, and not at all like the 'slimy' dungeon setting we're used to.
I do have a few nitpicks regarding the flow at times. Although there's nothing at all wrong with the way the poem scans, your use of certain words - like 'really' - seem to have been placed in the line just to make the rhythm right. I realise that this is one of your earlier poems (it's nearly two years old - eeeek!) so what I'm actually saying is that I know how much your poetry has improved, to the extent that I doubt I'd be able to find anything to nit-pick in a more recent poem.
~Carole~
Author's Response: Haha, thanks for the review, Carole. In fact, that was my first HP poem - and the first "story" I submitted to MNFF. So it really is old, but I remember the writing process as if it were yesterday. *reminisces* Anyway, thanks for the review, hon. :)
That is really neat! I love how uniquely you've told the brother's story. I particularly liked the contrast between Sirius becoming a lion and Regulus choosing the cool green den - great imagery! Wonderful job! ~Gina :)
Author's Response: Thank you. I'm glad you liked it.
I am really starting to become a fan of your writing. I am dreadful on the best of days when it comes to writing poetry so that incresases the good impression your writing makes on me! I don't read poetry much but the truth in this made me smile. (That is kind of creepy as it is really sad but...*defeated sigh*) Keep writing!
Author's Response: Thank you for those nice words!
Wowie! (my trademark interjection) This poem is impressive. This is my favorite part: "The second chose the cool green den,/ the cut grew even deeper then." The metaphors are executed masterfully and your meaning is clear. I really do hope to see some more of your writing! : )
Author's Response: Thank you so much for your kind words, I really appreciate that. And I'm posting a new story here. You might want to have a look... ;p
Oh, wow! That was amazing! I don't usually read the poetry here on the sight, but this immediately caught my eye - it mentioned the Black brothers what more could anyone want? lol. This was really sad actually, I started getting a bit tearful at the end, it really is a shame that two brothers who were on the same side without knowing it, died for the same cause :(. Absolutely brilliant! *applauds*
Author's Response: Thanks so much, I really appreciate your kind words. And thanks for the applause at the end. (I've posted on fanfiction.net, too, if you're interested to read more of my writings.)
