Reviews For Suns
Reviewer: Rikku
Date: 05/23/08 4:35
Chapter: Chapter 1

I liked it. I once had to write a sonnet in an English class, and it really isn't easy. This one is good, though. Very Luna-ish, I think.

Reviewer: Euphrates
Date: 04/05/08 13:24
Chapter: Chapter 1

Jamie -

You have so much talent it's not even funny. *ogles*

But first, let's get my nitpick out of the way. (Sorry.) This poem is absolutely amazing. It has the potential for a ton of power and meaning and depth and emotion, but...it's too short. Honestly. The length and the style (maybe. Style meaning sonnet), I believe, are restricting the poem and the power it could have. Because sonnets are so short, you have no room to explain her loneliness or her terror, etc., in depth, and so the ending falls short. We don't know her pain, so how can we know what if feels like to remember loved ones? It just seemed like things happened too fast to be powerful.

I disagree with a few previous posters about the vagueness, but then again, vague poems are what I love, so I could just be biased. I think (not to disregard anyone else's thoughts or opinions) what you told us was fine - it just needed to be described more. ;)

Your rhyming is amazing. I can’t get over it. All my rhymes rhyme only barely, but yours are perfect. And I love the whole idea of the poem – I think it has a great basis. What Luna went through at the Manor was never explained, but I really think you’ve done it accurately here. It’s hard to imagine Luna losing hope, and I’m glad she didn’t. =)

I love the way Luna longs for the Freshwater Plimpies. It totally reflects her character without being too airy and Luna-like, which would take away from the darkness of the poem.

The ending is amazing. I love the comparison of her loved one to brilliant, midday suns. It's powerful and...really just awesome. It could be so much better, though, if there were more to the poem - the happiness of the ending would be much more of a shock if the rest were described more. But I said this already. Do not change the ending, though, love, it's amazing. My favorite part. This is a fantastic poem.

--Kate

Author's Response: *blushes* Thanks, Kate. I don't think I'm that amazing at rhyming, but oh well. Thanks anyways. I'm not really good at writing long poems, so I'm not really sure how to do that, but I'll take it into consideration when I'm writing more. Thanks so much! *huggles*

Reviewer: iloverupertgrint
Date: 04/04/08 10:51
Chapter: Chapter 1

The poem is about Luna Lovegood, stuck in the Malfoy cellar, I am guessing during the last battle. She is talking about how she misses all her home comforts and how much she wishes to be at home right now. We see her thoughts and feelings throughout the whole poem, but nothing too obvious is being told and the reader isn’t actually told where she is, or even that it is Luna. (I found this out by looking at the top I hope you don’t mind). The description gives enough to work out how bad living conditions are.

To improve this story you could tell us where the person is as without this we are left guessing where they are (unless you read the top). I also think it could go a little more crazy with words to make it more Luna (I really don’t know).

I loved it because it was well written and had a wide range of vocabulary. Also the description is very clear and I can really see the place described, I would say this makes up for not being told that it is Luna.

I love the description of the Malfoy cellar as I could really get a vivid image of what was going on. I think it could be improved by trying to be more Luna, i.e. more crazy comments that you could see Luna saying and things that dont always make sense to start with.

Anyway, great job. Hope to see more from you.

Stacey

Author's Response: I sort of meant it to be a little bit hazy on who it was, and I didn't put more of Luna's quirks in because I didn't like them in the poem. Thanks for your compliments and your advice, and I will be writing more. :D

Reviewer: iloverupertgrint
Date: 04/04/08 10:51
Chapter: Chapter 1

The poem is about Luna Lovegood, stuck in the Malfoy cellar, I am guessing during the last battle. She is talking about how she misses all her home comforts and how much she wishes to be at home right now. We see her thoughts and feelings throughout the whole poem, but nothing too obvious is being told and the reader isn’t actually told where she is, or even that it is Luna. (I found this out by looking at the top I hope you don’t mind). The description gives enough to work out how bad living conditions are.

To improve this story you could tell us where the person is as without this we are left guessing where they are (unless you read the top). I also think it could go a little more crazy with words to make it more Luna (I really don’t know).

I loved it because it was well written and had a wide range of vocabulary. Also the description is very clear and I can really see the place described, I would say this makes up for not being told that it is Luna.

I love the description of the Malfoy cellar as I could really get a vivid image of what was going on. I think it could be improved by trying to be more Luna, i.e. more crazy comments that you could see Luna saying and things that dont always make sense to start with.

Anyway, great job. Hope to see more from you.

Stacey

Reviewer: iloverupertgrint
Date: 04/04/08 10:51
Chapter: Chapter 1

The poem is about Luna Lovegood, stuck in the Malfoy cellar, I am guessing during the last battle. She is talking about how she misses all her home comforts and how much she wishes to be at home right now. We see her thoughts and feelings throughout the whole poem, but nothing too obvious is being told and the reader isn’t actually told where she is, or even that it is Luna. (I found this out by looking at the top I hope you don’t mind). The description gives enough to work out how bad living conditions are.

To improve this story you could tell us where the person is as without this we are left guessing where they are (unless you read the top). I also think it could go a little more crazy with words to make it more Luna (I really don’t know).

I loved it because it was well written and had a wide range of vocabulary. Also the description is very clear and I can really see the place described, I would say this makes up for not being told that it is Luna.

I love the description of the Malfoy cellar as I could really get a vivid image of what was going on. I think it could be improved by trying to be more Luna, i.e. more crazy comments that you could see Luna saying and things that dont always make sense to start with.

Anyway, great job. Hope to see more from you.

Stacey

Reviewer: MissyQuill
Date: 04/02/08 3:14
Chapter: Chapter 1

Hi Jamie,

Yup, you're not dreamimng, I actually did find some time to review your lovely poem.

This was a great take on Luna in the celler at Malfoy Manner and I thoroughly enjoyed reading and beta-ing it.

Once again, great job. *Squishes* *Goes back to bed to nurse headache*=Sammy.

Author's Response: Oh, thank you Sammy. You were a wonderful beta, and I really enjoyed working with you. :D Thanks for the review. *huggles* Hope your headache gets better. *pats*

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