Reviewer: LunaforGryffindor
Date: 12/10/09 4:05
Chapter: Chapter 6 Dinners from the Neighbors

Poor Petunia, I can't believe nobody realizes just how unable to cope with her jelousy she is, especially as it originates from love so it doesn't even feel wrong... of course Lily wouldn't notice but how come none of the adults can see it?

Author's Response: Well, Petunia wouldn't have such a poor grasp of family dynamics if a lots of people paid attention to her emotions as a child. I'm trying to give a realisic explaination of Petunia's roots to show how she has become what she is.

Reviewer: ginnygirl16
Date: 05/23/09 16:27
Chapter: Chapter 6 Dinners from the Neighbors

I'm so glad that you updated. This was an excellent chapter, and I love how Petunia put aside her jealousy during the funeral (for the most part anyways).

I think that Lily seems a bit too happy(if you get what I mean. She is never seen crying or anything), but besides that I really have enjoyed this chapter.

Update soon!

--ginnygirl16

Author's Response: Yeah, people are reading! I'm sorry you thought Lily was happy. I was trying to make her appear numb, you know, from shock. The flowers from Snape were just a nice gesture that made her feel better for a little while. Well, at least until anger took over.

Reviewer: ginnygirl16
Date: 05/23/09 16:27
Chapter: Chapter 6 Dinners from the Neighbors

I'm so glad that you updated. This was an excellent chapter, and I love how Petunia put aside her jealousy during the funeral (for the most part anyways).

I think that Lily seems a bit too happy(if you get what I mean. She is never seen crying or anything), but besides that I really have enjoyed this chapter.

Update soon!

--ginnygirl16

Author's Response: Yeah, people are reading! I'm sorry you thought Lily was happy. I was trying to make her appear numb, you know, from shock. The flowers from Snape were just a nice gesture that made her feel better for a little while. Well, at least until anger took over.

Reviewer: ginnygirl16
Date: 04/24/09 20:01
Chapter: Chapter 5 Shifting

I'm thoroughly enjoying this story. It is very well written, and is very entertaining. I hope you will update soon, and am quite excited to read the rest of this.

--ginnygirl16

Author's Response: I'm glad you like it. I'm hoping to have chapter 7 done very soon.

Reviewer: Ravenclaws_Heir
Date: 11/26/08 18:34
Chapter: Chapter 4 The First Christmas Holiday

oh, Petunia is so spiteful...I love it. update ASAP

Author's Response: I'm glad you love it. I'm working on chapter 5 right now, but it is being a bit stubborn. Wish me luck!

Reviewer: lupins_girl2006
Date: 09/19/08 5:35
Chapter: Chapter 1 The Boy From the Park

:O Petunia Evans actually used the word magic. :O It's a miracle :)

Author's Response: Yes, I figure a lot had to happen for magic became a four letter word to Petunia.

Reviewer: LunaforGryffindor
Date: 08/06/08 14:55
Chapter: Chapter 3 The Fight Home

Interesting characterization of Petunia, sort of torn between jelousy of what she's missing and pain at being unable to be there for her sister, I think you're really building a 'real', believable character, showing how her anger and refusal of the magical world has a number of sources mingled together...

Author's Response: Thanks, that's what I'm trying to create. Petunia has become a surprisingly deep character to me. I'm glad I had the oppurtunity to write this story.

Reviewer: Mistletoe
Date: 08/05/08 10:55
Chapter: Chapter 2 The Green-Ink Letter

Petunia rather likes sprinting into the kitchen and almost slamming into the counter, no? The way you showed Petunia’s reaction to Dumbledore is wonderful. You have a very good grasp on Petunia’s character, I think. You show much of the developing characteristics we eventually see in her as an adult. Great job. And you know, daughters always carry a bit of their mothers along with them in life and BAM you show that wonderfully through Mrs. Evans . . .

Even their mother knew that now, her swan-like neck craning out to look into the living room and her bright green eyes growing wide with fear

I mean just look at that. And also, how you speak of Petunia reading the gossip mags that her mother loves to read as well.

Your scenes seem so real and tangible. The way you had Dumbledore show up and frighten everyone out of their socks until he calmly explained himself was very IC for him. I have not yet found a moment in your characters’ lives that I have a qualm with. Not one slip up in their characterization which, I must say, is a great feat. Goodness, like here . . .

A tiny, muffled squeal came from the back of Lily’s throat, and she kicked her dangling feet against the sofa, trying to contain her excitement. Petunia thought her sister just looked like she really needed to use the bathroom

The interpretation you have of both characters is flawless. One, showing Lily’s utter, uncontrollable excitement, and two, Petunia taking Lily’s excitement and turning it sour. However, I am confused by the following . . .

“That’s because Lily is what is called a Muggle-born witch,” Professor Dumbledore explained. “Sometimes, witches and wizards are born into non-magical families, and nobody really knows why. But it doesn’t make her any less of a witch than the rest of the children we send letters to.”

It seems like there is a question before this that is being answered, but there is indeed, no question. There is just a minor lack of transition. Maybe have the father or mother ask a simple question about how this could be happening when they have never known of anything like it before.

I think it is so cute, and slightly sad, how you have the girls staying up late and messing with the spell books. It seems so perfect for Petunia to be very speculative around the others about Lily’s magic, but when the two are together, she lets her wishes free. The encouragement that Lily gives her as the practice is adorable too. You have a great grasp on the dynamics of the sisters and how they would react to certain things. I really have not seen one spot where I would suggest a different characterization or word uttered from either girl. Oh, and the letter! It is really perfect. She seems so desperate improving herself. As if the only thing holding her back is that she was simply looked over when she was eleven. It seems so sad, knowing she’s not a witch. All of this build up is wonderful for how she acts later in life toward magic and the thought of Lily.

Now, oneee nitpick:

“Wingardium leviosar,” Petunia answered confidently.

The spell should be, Wingardium Leviosa.

Erm, onto the next! I love this story, can you tell?

Author's Response: And you sure love to leave me long reviews...and flatter my ego. *blushes* That settles it! You are officially my new bestest friend!

Reviewer: Mistletoe
Date: 08/05/08 10:13
Chapter: Chapter 1 The Boy From the Park

You did a wonderful job characterizing everyone from the get-go. Lily, a little more rebellious and child-like as the younger sibling tends to be, and Petunia, the protective, rule-abide who thinks she knows what is right and best for everyone. I love how you present them in the story. Lovely job. Even Mrs. Evans seems to be perfect. Typical mother, really. I can relate really well to how she comes across with her two children because I am the oldest and my youngest brother holds a soft spot with my mom. Great job with showing the family dynamics so well, really!

I have never felt so convinced by the setting of the Evans as I have by your portrayal. I have often read the introduction chapter of Lily’s life and been totally unconvinced that it is good, but with your setting of the cluttered, industrial town, I can’t help but be intrigued. AWESOME job on that, really.

BAHA! And the nickname Tuney is just perfect. But now I have a few nitpicks. :]

“MUMMY!” Petunia shouted at the top of her lungs.

“I can hear you, Petunia,” her mother told her, wincing at the volume of Petunia’s voice.


I don’t know why, but this line gave me a LAUGH. Seriously, the few lines of lead up before this part make Mrs. Evans seem simply worn down from the day and kind of out of it. I can just hear her say this in a bored gust of breath. :]

Noting her mother’s breathe of relief and her softening expression, Petunia could tell that she was losing the battle.

Here, I think you might have meant “breath” instead of “breathe”. They both work, in a sense, but I think “breath” flows nicer.

Petunia felt her jaw dropped.

I think that using “drop” here is more common.

Great chapter, now onto the next!

Author's Response: Oh, yes. Curse you, typos! No matter how many betas and mods look over my stories, they always seem to sneak through somehow. At any rate, I'm glad you like the story.

Reviewer: nimbus2008
Date: 08/01/08 16:43
Chapter: Chapter 3 The Fight Home

This is very interesting, seeing it from Petunia's POV. It helps with explaining the animosity Petunia has towards the wizarding world. With less big words: great story!

Author's Response: Well, I'm always glad to explain complicated characters...with the big words. LOL!

Reviewer: Elf01
Date: 07/31/08 4:28
Chapter: Chapter 3 The Fight Home

The letter Lily wrote to Petunia is very good, and very IC for what we know of Lily. I love the teacher who asked Petunia questions, and how she was saved by the bell just in time.

I noticed some things that your beta missed so I’ll point them out now.

In short, the left Petunia exhausted. The should be they.

The only thing about it I don’t like are the boys in my years. Years should be year.

I also liked Severus’ reaction to hearing Lucius calling Lily a Mudblood.

The letter that Dumbledore wrote to Petunia was also fantastic, very IC and as Lily put it kind.

Author's Response: Yes, yes. My betas always tell me I'm the client who gives them the most trouble with typos. I'm glad you though Dumbledore was IC. He's such a difficult character to write, don't you think?

Reviewer: Elf01
Date: 07/31/08 4:10
Chapter: Chapter 2 The Green-Ink Letter

I love this chapter. You have made Petunia a very sympethitic character, and as we don't see this side to her in the books you have done it very well, while still maintaining what we know from the books.

I love how she and Lily studied magic together, and how Lily asked about older siblings. I also like that you give Petunia reason to believe that she could be a witch, although I suspect a lot of the magic was Lily.

Author's Response: Yes, Petunia has the oppurtunity to be a wonderfully complicated character. I'm glad I had the oppurtunity to write this story around her. And I love writing the scene where she and Lily studied magic together. It is the last sisterly moment they have.

Reviewer: JCCollier
Date: 07/30/08 10:30
Chapter: Chapter 3 The Fight Home

Another fine chapter of a unique story. Your characterization of Petunia, showing the seeds of who she grew into as an adult, is excellent. I don't think I've seen another story that captures so well the feelings of the one left out of the magical world. Looking forward to the next chapter.

Author's Response: Wow, I feel honored! Thanks for your kind words. By the way, when do you think you'll be Sorted on the beta boards. I may be partial, but I'm hoping you'll be a Ravenclaw.

Reviewer: Osced
Date: 07/10/08 14:08
Chapter: Chapter 1 The Boy From the Park

Great Chapter, your Petunia is very intersting

Author's Response: Again, thanks.

Reviewer: Osced
Date: 07/10/08 14:08
Chapter: Chapter 1 The Boy From the Park

Great Chapter, a good portraiting of Petuina

Author's Response: Wonderful, I hope you'll read the rest.

Reviewer: Winnyy
Date: 05/03/08 15:27
Chapter: Chapter 1 The Boy From the Park

Wow!=]

Lily sounds so cuteeeee!=]

Author's Response: Yes, she iiiiiiiiiiiiiiis! ;)

Reviewer: PheonixFlamesForever
Date: 04/26/08 15:48
Chapter: Chapter 1 The Boy From the Park

Well! This was very good!

I was attracted by your pretty banner on the Forums (I'm Pheonix Tears on the site) and thought it looked interesting!

And it really was. I like how Petunia already has characteristics of how she will be as an adult, an instantly suspicious mind and a fear of the unknown. She seems to care more about what people think that of how Lily feels. A fact later shown in the book when Petunia is shown as being quite a curtain twitcher :)

Lily is shown as being very naive, which is portrayed very well. The line “You see the face of a monster in a ten-year-old boy.” (although I think it's a very good liine) seems a bit mature for Lily when she's been shown as saying “He was probably just pretending,” in the next paragraph. In the first line she sounds very mature for her age - like a teenager and in the second she sounds like a child again.

“Tommy Brown thinks he’s a duck.” This line made me snort with laughter. :D

Over all I think this is a very good read! And I'm adding it to my favourites. I can't wait to read more of Petunia's views on the world :)

-Elle

Author's Response: I'm glad you like it. Maybe that 'monster' line is a tad mature for Lily right now, but who knows? It may be important later. *cue music!*

Reviewer: Padfoot is the Bomb
Date: 04/24/08 15:07
Chapter: Chapter 1 The Boy From the Park

Wow! this is really great! Petunia's a really multi-layered character and I think you've got a lot of her emotions sketched out. Can't wait for the next chapter!

Author's Response: Muti-layered? If you say so... Thanks for reading!

Reviewer: Sunny_Rainbow
Date: 04/18/08 17:12
Chapter: Chapter 1 The Boy From the Park

You capture their characters beautifully!

Author's Response: Thank you! I hope I can make you keep that opinion as I introduce the rest of the characters.

Reviewer: Roommate of the Quillster
Date: 04/18/08 15:43
Chapter: Chapter 1 The Boy From the Park

I like this story. This is a nice opening chapter for whatever else you’re going to do with the story, and here’s why:

You introduced us to characters we already know in familiar settings, and you didn’t feel the need to recap or explain everything in detail that we already know from reading the books. For example, you didn’t redo the playground scene from the book in a different perspective. That was wonderful. You just let us figure out as we read that that was the scene you were referring to. It made us as readers feel smart. :)

You also took pieces that we know from the grown up versions of your characters and put them into the younger versions of the characters without going over-the-top. In this sense, your characters were very believable and lovable at the same time.

You’ve set us up to love the characters, but since we know their relationship ends badly we’re torn every time they’re close or sister-ly. So the tender, forgiving, happy moments are wonderful but shadowed with sadness as we read. Nice job of letting both of those emotions come through as you write.

Beyond that, I thought you did a great job describing the characters and understanding why they do what they do. You’ve set the scene up really well, and it’s an interesting story. I love Petunia’s attitude and that she is better than Lily in some ways. I love her diary. I especially love the last line:

ready to dream normal dreams of horses, beaches, and whipped cream desserts.

Yes, that was lovely. So, great job with this, and I’m excited to see what happens next!

Author's Response: Wow! You gotta love a long review. I'm glad you like the story and hopefully I can continue to make you feel intellegent as you continue to read it.

You must login (register) to review.
Information
Find out everything you need to know about the site right here.


We have stories and authors in this archive.

:

RSS
Choose Theme:
SOCIAL MEDIA
     
MOST RECENT
At the Battlefront by Nagini Riddle 3rd-5th Years
The Final Battle at Hogwarts rages on as the victims question whether or not...
Crocus by Equinox Chick 3rd-5th Years
Four years after the Battle of Hogwarts, Andromeda Tonks exists only for her...
Other Lives and Dimensions and Finally a Love Story by MoRoCcAnAnDpRoUd 6th-7th Years
The year is 1977, and the Wizarding World is in turmoil, but it doesn't really...
FEATURED
My Troubled Tyrant by Belledeg Professors
Keedie Dante has experienced many amazing things during her time at Hogwarts...
His and Hers by Acacia Carter 3rd-5th Years
In a perfect world, Neville and Hannah's wedding would go off without a hitch...
All This Waiting For The Sky To Fall by Dawnie 1st-2nd Years
They found her body - broken, bleeding, face filled with signs of pain and fear...
Sanguini, the Vampire by teh tarik 6th-7th Years
Vampirism is the persistence and the perpetuity of the body, a madness of the...
Lost and Found by ToBeOrNotToBeAGryffindor 3rd-5th Years
When Tracey Davis's financial security was a casualty of war, her family is...
CATEGORIES