More truth than poetry in that story. Well written, and funny only because I've been there and done that.
This story is great. It reminded me of my house teeth grinding and all.
Really nicely written and a great incite into family life and the trials of being a working mum married to a man whose mum did everything for him.
Loved the story! I agree with what one of the other reviewers said: you just don't get "the less than fluffy side of marriage" stories very much. Although I don't have any little ones of my own yet, I often feel crazy when I come home and the apartment is not clean. I do, however, have a husband who helps out around the house all of the time, and I thank my lucky stars for that. But, I'm sure my mother can sympathize with Hermione. I grew up with 3 older brothers and a very messy dad and I definitely saw her go crazy a time or two! Hope my mom's craziness does't come back to haunt me. (It probably will! lol) But, again, great story! Very realistic! :)
Very well done and incredibly realistic. I agree with another reviewer that what Rose did was cute, but probably irritating at the same time. One of mine once 'mopped' the floor for me. Took so much more work to fix the helping than if I'd done it myself. I disagree with another reviewer that the ending was abrupt. It's perfect the way it is; the abruptness is what makes it work. To me, the abruptness was the whole point of the ending! Well done. cj
That was REALLY good! I'll add it to my Favorites.
Brilliant story! This is probably exactly what a morning at the Ron and Hermione Weasley house was like. Really well done.
familiar yet fresh. Brilliant!
i loved it! that's exactly how i imagine their household to be!
I liked the point of view on marriage this story gives. It shows that marriage isn't always fun and games and couples do have their normal arguments and differences. This story was a good example of that, although its plot line could have been more developed.
You've got a lot of good descriptions here, along with a strong vocabulary. For example:
Ron glanced at his photo wife and shuffled after her, leaving only the vista from the Burrow’s garden of verdant green hills and blue, cloudless sky.
Not only does the vocabulary in this bit help the reader picture what you're describing more clearly, but it flows very smoothly without any choppiness.
“What was that for?” The growl cresendoed to a roar.
Also another example of your good word choice! I smiled when I read that because I play the violin and I didn't realize that there were people outside the musical world who knew the word 'crescendo' (maybe you are though! :] ). However, although this is nitpicking, 'crescendoed' is misspelled. Don't forget the 'c'! ;)
Your ending was slightly abrupt. You may want to go back and attempt to develop it a little more to give the story a better sense of closure. Also, just a question, why was Ron attempting to do his chores by hand? ;)
Other than those few things, I liked this one-shot a lot. Like I mentioned earlier, it gives a great view of the other not-so-happy side of marriage that people don't normally see aside from in their own home, and it was a very unique idea. Good job!
Author's Response: I made that correction :-) thanks!! As for the ending, I went over the options with my betas and I made a conscious decision to have it end the way it did. And I think you actually got the point of it - there was no closure. Sometimes there just isn't. Possibly the choice won't work for everyone, but it felt right to me if that makes sense. And as for Ron doing his chores by hand, as Molly would say, 'you don't have to whip your wand out for everything.' Seriously, we know how Ron is with magic. Would he really risk messing up and pissing off Hermione even more? ;-)rnrnThanks so much for all the input!!
Ha-ha, the victor left the battlefield! Poor Hermione...
I have four kids like that (I include Ron as Hermione's third "kid"!) and want my Floo powder...NOW!!!! Great chapter here - it feels very real.
That was a very good story.
You hardly see the not-so-sweet side of marriage anymore in fanfics. It was very fun to read.
Momma didn't raise no fools *giggles* Nicely written, very descriptive and a fun read :)
"Time of the month"...
Poor, clueless Ron; it's the last thing she wants to hear. I guess Hermione still has great aim after all these years. Great job (;
P.S. What Rose did was cute; cute, but would send her mother over the edge.