I really liked this story, it's an interesting thought that the Black family may have been close at times, and seeing the relationship between a young SIrius and Regulus. Very well written :)
I loved it. I love the symbolism in it. Great oneshot.
Mia, this is wonderful. I have never seen the Black’s painted as you have done. I have always seen Regulus and Sirius forever being enemies, and Sirius’ parents forever hating him. You have shown The Blacks as an actual family, one that hols love and forgiveness and happiness. I don’t think I’ve ever loved a story written about the Black childhood as much as this one. It only seems to make Sirius running away and being sorted into Gryffindor that much harder.
Your characterisation was spot on as well. Sirius showed his Gryffindor daring as such a young age and Regulus showed his Slytherin cowardice and submission very young too. I was blown away by hose well you showed their traits through such simple actions. Sirius wanting to stay and listen. But Regulus being scared and eventually giving in. Sirius searching for the box and using Regulus to help him. You really did a wonderful job at writing them.
The use of flashbacks was perfect too. I love stories told in second person, and the way you told it made the impact of Sirius running away so real. He was so disconnected from what was going on around him because of the flashbacks.
I don’t think I have one bit of critique—I definitely understand why this is your favorite story. It was simply brilliant.
Author's Response: Kat! SO yeah, you wrote me this review a really long time ago, and I'm sorry to respond to it so late, but I've been going over old writing lately, and old reviews, and I wanted to say thanks very much for sharing your reactions with me. All these reviews really help us to grow as writers. THanks very much!
I looooooooooove ur writing it is magical
It takes me into ur story
thnak u so much
I can't pick a favourite part because the whole thing was so damn good! I'm not that big a fan of deep fics, but I really, really liked this one!
The second person POV was wonderfully done, and so was the tense change. It all added to the powerfulness of this already powerful story. I am amazed by your writing!
Just small nitpick:
The sounds of your father and another unknown man waft
Shouldn't the "waft" be "wafted"?
If I don;t wrap up this review, it'd probably go on and on raving about your story, so I'll just pinpoint some of the really nice things that I liked. I loved the Sirius' and Regulus' adventure, Sirius' and his father's exchange, and Regulus' childish manner of speaking.
Just out of curiousness, this is probably a stupid and entirely obvious question, but what exactly was the box all about? I know what was in it, but why was it paid for, and all that? Was it some remnants of a Muggle murder or something?
All in all, a wonderful one-shot.
Author's Response: Oh, geez, I just relalized I hadn't responded to this. Sorry! It says in the book that Aunt Araminta was the one that wanted to make Muggle hunting legal. So, I kind of spun off that and made all the things in the box cursed Muggle objects... Thanks very much for the review!
Wow, Mia, this is amazing.
Second person POV was really effective for this fic - it made it so much more personal - and you pulled it off really well: it didn't sound forced or odd (when I think of second person, those choose-your-own adventure stories spring to mind, and they always feel so strange to read).
The dialogue between young Sirius and Regulus was convincingly child-like and I love the way you made Sirius kind of the ring-leader. This sentence was great: "Your voice isn’t torn like your brother’s. He’s never known how to make choice and you’ve never known how to compromise." It highlights a key difference in their characters in a very concise way.
And this: "(you ignore them, because you’ve gotten good at ignoring advice you simply can not take)" is an excellent way of showing how Sirius feels about his family - incorporating it into the events of the story rather than just saying "you're sick of your family".
You wrote the jumping between past and present really well, too. It wasn't at all confusing.
Overall, this is just really well-written. It drew me in from the first line and was well-paced the whole way through... I don't know how to explain this, but I felt it had a regular pace or beat, just as though I was walking along a street... it never seemed to falter or race *hopes she doesn't sound crazy*
Basically, I loved it, dear!
Author's Response: Hi Chelsea! This is one of the best reviews I've ever received. Honestly. rnrnI love reviews that quote their favorite parts. And, coincidentally, that first bit you quoted is one of my favorites in this fic too. :) Lol, your comment about pace made me smile. I hadn't thought of that before, but I suppose it's possible. rnrnAgain, thanks very much! I appreciate it.
Mia, this was absolutely lovely. I really can't write more as I'm rushing off somewhere else, but just so you know, WOW. Your style is exquisite, your words just flow beautifully as an intermingled river of thoughts. Amazing work, dear!
Author's Response: Wow! 'An intermingled river of thoughts'... Lol, thanks Manu, for such a nice review! *hugs back*
Just so you know.
I'm absolutely speechless.
Author's Response: Thanks for telling me. I love to know it.
Wow. this was breathtaking. I've always been a fan of second person, and you pulled it off grandly! The last paragraph is so strong and inspiring. I also loved the differences between Sirius and Reg, like Reg always made compromises and such. You're such a talented writer!
Author's Response: Hi Nez, thanks so much for reviewing. And I'm really glad you liked this. This is my favorite story that I've written. I love Sirius and Regulus. Once again, thanks so much!
your writing is beautiful.
Author's Response: Thanks very much! You made me smile.
Great Job! The style is really good. Will there be more? Please say yes!
Author's Response: Nope, sorry, this is a one-shot. But I'll certainly write more on the same topic. I love exploring the Black brothers.
It was really good. I like how you switched from past to present.
Author's Response: I'm glad you liked it.