Marie! :D I’m finally reviewing this beautiful story, and I’m very excited about it because it is simply fabulous. Anyways, I heart you, and on to the review!
the training program at St. Mungo's, and essentially abandoning the rest wizarding society as well.
I think you’re missing an “of the” in that sentence. ;) Unless you meant the “rest wizarding society” to be some sort of hospital/sick people reference, but I’m pretty sure you didn’t. And that’s all for grammar that was distracting this time through.
Between a terrible break up and a full scale war, it wasn't a place Emmeline was really missing.
I missed this before. (Maybe you should make it a bit more noticeable?) Emmeline has just broken up with a boy. :( That means she’s vulnerable. Oh you’re evil, but it’s completely perfect too.
I do love the character of Emmeline you’ve created. She’s hurt and torn but very good at what she does. You’ve created inner conflict inside her before we even see the conflict of your story. Should she be loyal to her family or to herself in the wizarding world she was thrown into. You’ve taken a character we often don’t know much about and created a vivid and dynamic person that we can relate to.
Speaking of characters we don’t know much about and making them absolutely wonderful, I want to talk about Eric:
"There's always a choice, but for people like us, there's only one right choice."
"Sometimes we just know things, and the truth of it in our souls is irrevocable.”
Eric is just lovely. Yes. These sentences are very poignant. I like how they imply the morals/ethics/difficulties of war time issues without you specifically spelling them all out. It was very good. And it’s things like this that make me love Eric, whoever he is, because it’s just absolutely perfect. And yes, it makes that other character oh so completely endearing. This person you’ve created has done his job efficiently and effectively. And you have made us as the readers trust him and not trust him at the same time — trust because we have to and not trust because we don’t know anything about who he is and he’s a bit mysterious.
In other words, the characterization of this story was perfect. You’ve set your plot up so there’s conflict and adventure ahead, and we are excited to see what comes next. Lovely job. Congrats on this thrilling piece of story. :) It’s lovely.
Hey, what a great start to a fanfiction! You had me hooked after the first chapter! I loved how you show a different side of the war that most people dont get to see as they are too busy developing the lives of the Marauders. I love this OC; Emmeline. She is extremely believable and really interesting. I cannot wait to read more as I want to know what happens!
At first I thought that Eric could have been Remus' alias...but its not. I bet this fic has a lot of twists and turns and I will keep an eye out for new updates. I really loved the memory that Sirius has at the end of this chapter with James! I'm really excited about this.
However, I do have one question! Why is Sirius trapped in this house? Or he just there for the task that Dumbledore has set him on.
Well excellent job! I cannot wait to read more!
Marie! I know itís been ages since I asked for stories to review, but I didnít particularly feel like writing reviews ever since I got home. So this took a while, but I didnít forget about it. ;) Iím intrigued by this story, very intrigued, and hope the next chapter will be up quite soon, maybe even with answers to my questions.
What I want to know most is who Eric Knight is. I feel as if there is a hint in the name he gave Emmeline, but I canít figure it out if it is there. Iíve never been good with figuring out JKRís hints either, but I always loved going back and seeing all that I missed and wondering how I could not see what it meant and I have the feeling that I will do that with this story, too. If thereís no hint in the name, ignore all the rambling I just did, but if there was a hint, even though I didnít have a clue what it could mean, it got me thinking, so Iíd say it accomplished what it was supposed to do and I leave the figuring out of hints to other, more clever people.
Before I say something about Emmelineís character: Is she muggleborn? The way you wrote this chapter with her leaving the wizarding world and this Eric character trying to get her to join the Order, but not her family, I had the feeling she was. And if she isnít, I donít get why the family now lives in a Muggle neighbourhood and not in a wizarding village anymore.
Anyway, I think Emmeline is great. For someone that young she is very selfless. It might make me a bad person, but I canít really imagine giving up my job and my whole life basically to care for my sick brother 24/7. I would try and find a way to make the potions for him while at work and organise a system with all my siblings and parents over who watches him when, but I donít think I could give it all up without a second thought like Emmeline did. I also admire her for staying strong while watching her brother lie in bed day in day out and only getting marginally better. It has to be very frustrating, but sheís so calm. I donít know, personally I think sheís trying to not let on how afraid she is for her brother in front of her parents because she doesnít want to worry them, but that still makes her a very strong character in my book.
Iím curious to see what will happen to her when she joins the Order and how she will cope with not knowing exactly how her brother is doing and not being able to check on him. I love how strong she is, but everyone has a breaking point and I hope she does reach hers in the course of the story and outwardly shows that she worries or that she is scared or something like that. Not that I want her to suffer, but no one can stay calm in every situation and Iíd be interested to see how you portray Emmeline losing control.
I guess Iíve rambled long enough, but I enjoyed this first chapter a lot and am looking forward to more. *hugs* Ilka
Great start! I look forward to seeing where this goes. Update soon!