This story was beautifully written and I liked how moving the last sentence was!This story amazed me!
First let me say that it was a lovely piece. I really did like it.
One thing I think needed a bit of work was the flow. I dunno, it just seemed jerky to me. Certain paragraphs jumped to the next with seemingly no relation.
Another tidbit of critique I might offer would be towards the emotion.The end was very touching, but overall there was pretty much a feeling of... detachment.
On the plus side, though, the tie-in of the colour worked perfectly. The theme of black and funerals fit into the story and packed a punch at the end. Great job with a tough challenge entry!
So Cho actually has some sense? Wow! I never would have thought it. Your story made me see Cho in an absolutely new light... like a 'reason behind the madness' It was highly excellent! :D
“We’re sad for ourselves, Cho. Grandmum gets to be happy, but we’re sad because we won’t get to see her for a long time. We’re really mourning our own loss… but we should be happy for Grandmum.”
This is very well said by Cho's mother. It's a really good description of what we actually are mourning for. Good work!
By the end of the night he had won my heart — I hadn’t even thought about Harry. Cedric became all I could think about, especially when he kissed me goodnight.
Aw, this is so sweet! I can actually feel what Cho is feeling. And when she says that he had won her heart! Brilliant.
I remember the way he held me tight as he told me he would never have let anything happen to me. If only I could have promised him the same.
This is really heartbreaking. I love how she feels so at ease with Cedric, unafraid to love him as her own. But that last line, of how she wishes she could have promised him the same . . . that gave me chills, seriously. That's really deep, yet so sad at the same time.
It was the last time he would embrace his parents, the last time I would feel his lips on mine. It was the last time I would see him alive.
Once again, this is terribly heartbreaking on how Cho is looking back on her relationship with Cedric. Very good work.
And then Mr. Diggory let out a cry so terrible I knew it was true — Cedric was dead.
This is truly awful. I like how you've included his father in here--- I don't remember exactly how it happened in the book, but in the movie that cry in itself made by the actor that played his father was just . . horrific.
Only now do I understand why people wear black to funerals.
Very chilling ending, but very nice! I like how it is very in-your-face and out there. Very good.
A nitpick, here just to help if I can:
I didn’t know what it was like to loose someone special.
Here, instead of 'loose', it needs to be 'lose'.
All in all, I really loved this story. I like how you created a scene that we haven't seen from the books instead of creating your own character, like others did [like me!]. I think that it takes more creativity to fill in the blanks with a character from the books than actually recreate an entirely new story and characters. I really liked the way you portrayed Cho's emotions as well.
Very good story. Good luck in the challenge!
Author's Response: Thanks for the amazing review! Glad you pointed out the nitpick, I went back and fixed that. I'm glad to hear I got Cho's emotions across, that was one of my main goals with this fic. Thanks again for the feedback! This is my longest review ever!
Wow, this really gets to the heart of funerals and teenage love. This summarizes Cedric and Cho's relationship very well. One suggestion I would make is to try to get a bit more description into your writing. It will make it even more alive.
Author's Response: Thanks! I will definitely work on adding more detail, you're right it really does help a person's writing =]
That was a really good story you had there.
To be honest I never really liked Cho as a character and that is probably the reason I can't write her. But you did a good job on that front.
I guess I'll just have to convince my brain that she is indeed a person and move on.:)
My only nitpick would be that the colour black seems a bit forced at times. I mean, I know the rules of the prompt but I'm a really mean person so I'll still tell you this anyway. Please forgive me.
Good luck with the challenge. You're such a good toaster.*hugs*=Sammy
Author's Response: haha I actually never really liked her much either, but when I started writing this I realized she had to have been just as much of a person as the other characters. She wasn't just a walking puddle of tears ;) And yeah, maybe I did push the black sometimes - I just wanted to make sure I got the point of the color across. And yay for participation points to the Gryffs! lol
wow, this was impressive. i never really thought about that from cho's point of view, unique take on it.
Wow that was really good, it was ad but it was really well written,good job:)
Very well written! I don't think I'll ever see Cho the same way...
Author's Response: I'm glad to hear it =] I actually hoped to show a side of Cho most people never really thought about. To be honest I never really thought about her either until I started writing this!
Wow, this is really really good. Very moving. Interesting idea, as well, to tie the story with the idea of "why do we wear black to funerals?". Well done.
Wow, that was a very touching fic. Very nice ending. Great writing, the story moved along steadily and blurred when Cedric was found dead.
BTW, black can stand for sophistication too ;) ...But that's not the point of the story is it? :D
Author's Response: lol yes, I know - but for Cho I think it sort of lost that aspect. I'm glad you liked it, though!
oh, poor Cho! :( like the fic though