If only they had stayed that way. What a beautiful story! I find myself saying that about every Sev/Lily story, but I really do mean it. My favorite part was when she hugged him! And my favorite line was "What would I do without you?" So perfect!
I really loved the story! the 7th book really did leave me wondering a bit about snape and lil. The story is really sweet and well-wriiten. I really can't wait to read more stories! pkease keep them coming!
First things first: well done, you wonderful girl! I knew you could do it! [does a little victory dance]
It was an absolute joy to read. Your story was cute, feel-good and the young love was so touching and warm.
Everyone was nicely IC. I've read too many stories where Sev is this stalker who follows Lily round, and she doesn't give him a moment's notice. They were very clearly friends. I don't generally like Lily (she has rubbish taste in guys - who'd pick the arrogant toerag over Sev?) but she was quite likeable here. (I loved the bit about her life's ambition to defeat all turkeys! :) )
One thing I could say, it could do with a bit more description. Sometimes I felt it was difficult to imagine where they were. And you do dialogue so well...
I have a few little nit picks/suggestions:
'It's only when I'm downstairs...carefully into my coat pocket' ---- I think these three short lines should all be put into one, continuous paragraph, or three seperate paras with a line inbetween. They're kind of hovering between the two.
'her hair splayed over my FACE, her own FACE buried in my grimy old coat.' ---- you use 'face' twice in one sentance. If I were you, I'd change one of them to something else.
'...hidden in my SMILE, in my words, in my thoughts and my dreams. Her SMILE...' ---- word rep again. You could change one of them to 'laugh'.
But, all in all, great job, you clever girl!
xPhoebex
P.S. I loved Snape's gift of the gloves! It was very him. James would never think of THAT, would he?
Author's Response: YAY! I'm soooo happy! I love that you love it! You've described to me exactly what I wanted my readers to feel when reading this story. *squish* The turkey thing is more personal than you think... I despise those things. *shudders* I understand what you said about the story lacking description. I actually wrote this for the November one-shot and had to do it all really quickly,but it still couldn't make it through :(, so I left it at that. I'll get to those nitpicks soon. Thank you for the uber wonderful review! P.S Oh don't be so harsh on dear James *hugs James plushie*
This is a very nice story, with an interesting perspective on Severus' love for Lily. The younger Severus is well in character, as is the young Lily. My favourite part of the story was the ending, I thought the gift of the gloves was sweet, and the last line was also good.
Overall, a really nice story, and one I definately enjoyed reading.
Ash
Author's Response: Thanks so much! :) I'm glad you enjoyed it.
perfect
Author's Response: Thank you! :D
Adorable! Really well done, especially in the POV department. Makes me want to take little Sev home!
There's a missing word early on in the story. The sentence should read, "I was waiting for you." Except "was" is missing. You probably already know it's there, but just in case it was missed...
Author's Response: The POV worked? Wee! *hugs* Thanks! It was what I was afraid of most. So, thanks! I'll go fix that nitpick...
Ohh, Poky darling!! This is so absolutely sweet. Wonderfully written *in awe* I wish I could leave you a longer review, but I have no time, dear.
Great fic. I smiled all throughout. wow *squishes*
Author's Response: *tackles* All the same, It makes me so happy that you stopped by. *hugs* Thanks! :D
Maria, that was fantabulous. I mean, seriously, I'm not a huge fan of Severus/Lily, but this story made me smile. It was so cute! Severus was so adorable, this story made me just want to hug him! Seriously though, that was amazing.
-Jorie
Author's Response: Jorie! Thanks for stopping by, and a double, triple hug for the review! All I wanted with this story to do was to make people to save a corner in their hearts for young Sev and Lily, and their tragic, bitter sweet tale. I'm soo happy you enjoyed it!
*sniff* good story!!
Author's Response: Aw, don't cry! *offers tissue* I'm glad you liked it. :)
Wow Maria! This is amazing! I adored your descriptions and every little detail you put in. The writing style is impeccable and your choice of words is perfect!
I also know that she cares; she cares enough to make your heart go all floaty. When she touches you it’s like warmth on snow, she smells like a garden in the morning after a rainy night. And she laughs quite a lot actually, and it’s free and unhinged as a breeze flitting by your ear.
‘Floaty’ isn’t really a word, but in light of such a beautiful paragraph (and such a beautiful story) WHO CARES?!? And Severus might use the word; I don’t think he cared much for dictionaries. :P
Awesome work! I loved the tense you used here. It really fits here. And the POV just took my breath away. Do keep up the great work! I look forward to more from you.
Author's Response: LOL! I love floaty! Actually, I was afraid of the tense I used here, it was kind of risky writing in present AND first person, so I'm relieved that it came out right.*hugs* Thanks!! :D
Awww!! That is so sweet!!! It's adorable! The story that is, and Severus too! It's hard to believe that that sweet little boy turned out to be the man we all love to hate...Well some of us anyway...;0)
I just loved it and It is a shame that Lily and Severus did'nt become more than just friends. He clearly loves her.
Author's Response: Thanks so much dear! Yes, I suppose reading stuff on young Severus does make one wonder how in the world did he turn out to be that kind of a man? But essentially, he's a great guy. Thanks for the review!
Yay! Maria, you did such a lovely job! *is proud of her fellow toaster*
I think you've shown Severus excellent here, especially how insecure he is about giving Lily her present. And oh, little Lily is soooo sweet! You've done a good job with characterization as well as keeping them both age appropriate!
And then, as if seeing me grin like an idiot wasn’t enough, she lowers her face and kisses my cold cheek. Her lips are soft, and she smells like the raindrops on a flower.
My favourite line in this piece! It was very adorable and had perfect imagery I think.
*hugs*
~Stacy~ of the Gryff Review Crew
Author's Response: Stacy! *squishy* I love that line as well! ;) I tried my best to get both Sev and Lily on spot, and I'm glad you think my efforts worthwhile! A big fat THANK YOU!!
Teehee, that was cute. I'm rather indifferent when it comes to Snape, but I know in his horrible home life a little ray of sunshine like Lily Evans would make a lot of difference. Sometimes I think they sort too soon... Thanks for a cute little story :)
Author's Response: Aww... I'm glad this made you sympathize with dear Sev. Besides the fact that he was a Death Eater, called his only true friend a ---- , he was a good guy. And writing him as a ten year old was a pleasure! I'm so glad you enjoyed this! Thank you!
Maria!!
*tacklesquishes*
That ws so sweet. Lily/Sev are my OTP and you did it complete justice. I'm so proud of of you.
*sigh* if only this was in time for the Novenber one shot, you could have totally kicked butt.=Sammy
Author's Response: Sammy's my first ever reviewer! *hugs* I'm glad you think it's good. But alas! 'tis was too late for the challenge *sigh* But of curse, I'm was happy to submit it anyway. :)
