Oh, wow, I loved this story.
I think this portrays Cho so well. The way that everything in her thoughts links to each other.
The fact that she has lost her colours, the fact that she has lost her dad, and the fact that she has lost Cedric.
I like the use of the colours, actually, I can't decide if she has literally lost them, or if she lost them in her mind, you know, like, because she lost so much, everything is black and white to her, no colour in the world.
I'm not sure.
I like they way that you made her thoughts so confusing, as well. You do it well, as you can follow them easily, yet they are still completly scrambled, without order or anything.
The best bit, in my opinion, is how you made it clear just how much she depends on these people she cares about. Without them, she isn't sure how to act, what to do.
I like that, it portrays the way she feels about people, how much she actually cares, really well.
Also, I liked the ending. She didn't get over it, and it wasn't any better, but she is still strong. She is still the same person as before, and she has to fight to stay that way.
She isn't totally wet, but she still has that determination left in her.
I liked that :)
Hi Valentina! I'm Michelle. I've been reading your stories for a while, and this one is 110% my favorite! I like how you used second person as your point of view, because I never see stories using that point of view. Not to mention that I think you pulled it off well. I feel like the plot could go beyond a one-shot, too. Maybe you can expand it to a chaptered story or another base-off-story, since this was a challenge? :)
I thought it was cool to write about someone that's not been written about too much as a main character. Please don't take offence, but when I first read the summary, I thought, "Oh no." and when I read the first line, I thought again, "Oh no. How will this be pulled off well?" but dear, you proved me VERY wrong. ^.^
My favorite part of the story would have to be this:
She falls back onto her bed, thinking about her precious colors. She remembers the portrait she painted of her brother, using yellow tones only. Golden hair (how he had laughed at that) and saffron skin. But he’d loved it in the end, proud Hufflepuff that he was, and he had kept it.
I love that part so much! I think it shows a great contrast to when she has her colors to when she hasn't. With her colors, she's so lively, by drawing her brother with yellow (which is my favorite color!) Without her colors, she's SO much more melodramatic (I think that's the word I'm going for.) Like this: He’s made her lose her colors. Even her bright walls seem black and white today as she laments her loss. She knows some artists who draw in black and white, but not she is not one. Cho needs emotion and openness and color!
There's something else I want to point out from the story:
She longs to draw something, right now. She longs to draw to get away from the memories of when her brother still lived with them, or when her father was alive.
Is her brother dead? I don't remember if he died in the books, but I don't think he did. If he did, then never mind, but I wanted to point that out.
I really liked the story! Keep writing, because you have a talent!
Author's Response: *blushes* Thanks!! I'm glad you liked this story, and thanks for taking the time to leave such a great review. As for her brother, I actually think in canon we don't know anything about her siblings. I actually meant for him to have moved out, also, though I don't really think it matters too much. In any case, thanks for the review!
Magnificent..and sad. Really well written, though, you sound like you're an artist, too (one with paints or pencils, and words! Nice!) and I loved the descriptions of the colors...so vivid.
I would love to give you some sort of constructive criticism to help you for the future (I know I hate it when people just say, "oh, that was good") but I honestly can't think of anything. Nice work.
Author's Response: Teehee, "oh that was good" is a nice thing to hear sometimes, too! Thanks for the review, I'm glad you enjoyed the fic! (Though, in all honesty, I'm a lousy artist in the whole painting/drawing sense...)
Artistic. Mournful. Fabulous. I loved it!
A new and individual take on grief. An artistic take as well, which suits Cho very well.
Her mum's boyfriend it a prat. A PRAT. As if schoolwork is the most important thing in the universe. He deserves to be boiled alive in a huge cauldron of wart-making potion. I hope Cho becomes an artist. That'll show him.
I loved all the different paint names. They all sound cool and make it sound like Cho knows what she's talking about.
Just one, small thing.
'She considers the possibility that while black is the color of loss white is the color of fresh starts.'---- correct me if I'm wrong, but I'm pretty sure there should be a comma after 'loss'.
Anyway, great fic. One of your best yet!
Author's Response: :) Thanks! I'm glad you enjoyed this fic! *can't stop grinning* ... And I think you're right about that comma. Thanks for pointing it out! *goes to fix it*
I'm so glad you've gotten accepted. I'll be honest, this was probably one of the more interesting stories to beta, as I've always been obsessed with symbolism of any kind. :D
Congratulations on a wonderful story. :)
Author's Response: Thanks for the review, and thanks so much for betaing this fic! I'm glad you enjoyed it! Your feedback really helped.
This is an artistic take to emotional loss. I'm teary.
Author's Response: That was the idea, so I'm glad that's how it came across! Thanks for the review!
To be perfectly honest, this is one of the most well-written stories that I've ever read about Cho. Her emotions are very realistic, and I love how you incorpotated Cedric's untimely death into it. Kudos to you for a job well done.
Author's Response: Thanks! I'm glad you liked it - I enjoy writing Cho, but she's definitely underrepresented in the fanfic world!