Wow!! It's so so sad... I loved it. I dont usually get tears in my eyes while reading sentimental poems but your poem did it. *applauds* It's awfully good!
Author's Response: Wow, I'm so glad you liked it! Thanks for the kind words!
Hey! Love this poem, I just have a few things to add!
You were my brother,
My very best friend,
We were there since the beginning,
But you didn’t make it to the end.
I like this, but I think it might sound better if you changed the 'we' to a 'you', and then took out 'you' in the last line
We all miss you,
Our favorite Weasley guy,
I think it was so unfair
that you had to die.
Taking out 'I think' might make this flow a little better
No more of our two-sided pranks,
Not-as-funny jokes,
I think it might sound better if you add an 'only' or 'now it's' before 'not', because otherwise it's kind of confusing
There’s only one Weasley twin-
Only one, not two blokes
You use 'only' twice right here, you could try 'instead of 2 red-haired blokes' or something
You were killed by a wall,
During Harry’s Hogwarts revolt,
'Harry's Hogwarts revolt' is a little wordy, instead of 'Harry's' what about just putting 'the'?
It wasn’t anyone’s doing,
Even Percy the dolt.
This sounds a little off to me, it might sound better like "it was no one's doing, not even Percy the dolt"
Mum told me to write this poem,
She said it would make me feel better.
But my poem is bad (no laughing in Heaven),
So I’ll write it like a letter.
The third line is longer than the other three, and doesn't make quite as much sense. (this is just me here, because I imagine heaven as whatever the person who has died wants it to be, and if it was Fred, I can hardly even imagine him not wanting to laugh)
There’ll be seven verses,
One for each kid,
Even though you’re not here,
I’m proud for what you did.
You should probably spell out "there will", and the second line could probably use more. It's just the shortest one and the one it rhymes with is a lot longer
I just wanted to say,
That I love you, Fred,
You’ll always be here,
Even though you’re dead.
I like this stanza a lot! great ending!
Okay, so I thought this poem was great! Those things are just things that I would have done, but it's completely up to you!
~margaret
Author's Response: Thank you so much, Margaret! The constructive criticism is very helpful; I'll be sure to make a few changes. And thank you for all your lovely reviews, including this one!
This poem is written beautifully, and personally, I love the idea of George writing a letter to Fred in heaven. The symbolism of the number seven, and the way you've incorporated it into the poem is absolutely marvellous. I liked the rhyme scheme used, and the format in which the poem has been written. A very good job!
Two small nitpicks that I found while reading through:
Even though you’re not here,
I’m proud for what you did.
That should be: I'm proud of what you did.
It wasn’t anyone’s doing,
Even Percy the dolt.
I feel that Not even Percy the Dolt sounds better over here.
Great poem, on the whole!
Author's Response: Yaay, a review! I'm very glad you liked it, and thanks a bunch for the constructive criticism. If you liked this poem, you might like the other one I have up... *nudge nudge* :-) PnP
Aww... That was heart-wrenching. It was really beautiful and I can relate to George's feelings because I'm a twin too. (My twin didn't die though, but I can imagine how George would feel, you know.) Anyways, brilliant job on this! :D
Author's Response: Oh, wow! Thank you so much for such an awesome review!
I loved it.
Author's Response: Why, thanks! And I loved your review ^_^
I love this! It seems like George really did write this! You are an excellent writer
Author's Response: Ohh, a George comparision! I'm thrilled :) (no sarcasm there, mind) An excellent writer? Me? Thank you so much, dear!
Aw. That was sweet, and totally George. Im glad you included some of Georges humor, even thought its a poem about death. Good job! :)
Author's Response: Wow! Thank you very much for such kind words ^_^
i'm crying
Author's Response: Oh, dear *hands tissue* Thank for reviewing, though! I hope you were crying because it was good, not the opposite! :)
Hey Padfoot,
*tackleglomps*
That was a really nice poem. I could totally feel poor Goerge. He's funny even when he's sad:)
Congratulations an a job awesomely well done! *huggles*=Sammy
Author's Response: *tackleglomps and huggles back* Aw, thanks, I'm glad people like this poem. Thank you for reviewing, you made me smile. :)
I'm not one for poetry but as I love the twins and Fred dying completely broke my heart I thought I would read it and I really enjoyed it.
Author's Response: This looks familiar... I must be seeing double...
I'm not one for poetry but as I love the twins and Fred dying completely broke my heart I thought I would read it and I really enjoyed it.
Author's Response: I'm happy you read it. I'm actually not too fond of poetry (blame my English teacher for that), but it's easy for me to write. I'm glad you enjoyed it, and thanks for reviewing!
*tacklehugs Padfoot*
Such a sad poem, Padfoot! I really liked it; it sounded very rythmic and almost song-like but still like something George might write. Really touching.
:D
-Stubby
Author's Response: *tacklehugs Stubby* We finally reviewed each other's stories! *ahem* Anyways, I'm really happy you liked it, but I feel guilty that I'm making so many people sad :) Three cheers for in-chraracter Georges!
This is so sad!!! Althouh it is beautifully written!!! It seems so like a depressed George! Keep writing!!! :)
Author's Response: Exclamation point! Haha, thatnks for the punctuation-filled review. I'll defienetly keep on writing!
wow that made me cry!
Author's Response: Oh, dear *hands a tissue* I hope you cried because it's good, not because my writing is bad ^_^ Love the username, by the way. Although I would say, Accio Sirius Black... ;)
This is really sweet!
Author's Response: Aw, thanks!
I love it. That's all I have and can say!
Author's Response: That's all right- even little reviews mean a lot to me! Thanks for reviewing!
*sniff* good poem! shouldn't this have a DH spoilers warning though??
Author's Response: Ah, well, I did say so in the summary, but I assume it wouldn't hurt. Thanks for reviewing!
Beautiful. I absolutely loved it.
Author's Response: Thank you so much! I love such great reviews. :)
Author's Response: Thank you so much! I love such great reviews. :)
I loved it,
it'd be exactly how George would feel.
It brought tears to my eyes, not two blokes.
loved it. :)
Author's Response: Aw, shucks. I'm glad you thought it was in-character. Thanks for the review!
