Awww! Poor Severus. Losing your one true love to your worst enemy, now that’s just rough. Personally, I think he deserved her more. Yet, I still ship James/Lily. Odd, isn’t it?
My favourite aspect of this one-shot was how you portrayed Severus, especially highlighting each emotion with a certain vivacity of green. It was interesting how the green grew brighter and brighter as Severus lost Lily more and more. Yet, at the same time, it was really fitting. You did a very nice job of putting Severus’s desire into words, and on top of that, you managed to realistically put Severus’s emotion into a colour and justify it.
“Are you alright? You look a bit…off,” she said, tilting her head curiously to one side.
Just a small nit-pick here; it should be all right, rather than alright. Alright actually isn’t a word, but you’d be surprised at how often that mistake is made.
Off to breed perfect, precious little Gryffindor children that would have the same noble values as their parents.
I love the distaste that leaks from this sentence. It balances just enough sarcasm with just enough truth. After all, Harry does become a Gryffindor who demonstrates the same noble values that James has. Although, far from perfect. But two for three isn’t that bad. This sentence makes me feel really bad for Severus though. I can imagine him coming down for breakfast, opening the Daily Prophet and after skimming through a couple a pages, her brilliant green eyes are suddenly looking up at him.
Also, I love how the emerald as the colour of loss reiterates Severus’s death scene in Deathly Hollows. When I read that scene, it gave me the same feeling I got when I read your one-shot.
Overall, this is an incredible one-shot which I think captured a really hard emotion to portray. Best of luck in the challenge! =]
Author's Response: Haha, yes, I feel so bad that Snape lost Lily, but I ship Lily/James way more than Lily/Snape. Thanks so much for the review =]
Wow, what a story! You have written it s well. This poor guy really loved Lily and for some reason, could'nt bring himself up to tell her that he loved her.
My opinion of Snape changed afteDeathly Hallows, and I guess I feel for him.
It was beautifully written and believe it or not, I almost had tears in my eyes reading it.
I look forward to the next chapter.
Author's Response: Thanks so much! It's a one-shot, though, for the challenge in the beta forums, so this is the only chapter. Thanks for your review!
*sniff* good story! poor snape! but shouldn't this have a DH spoilers warning...?
Author's Response: Thanks! Hmm...now that I think about it, it probably should; I didn't really consider that since it's set before DH. Thanks for reviewing!
