MuggleNet Fan Fiction
Harry Potter stories written by fans!

Name: anath (Signed) · Date: 01/21/08 15:06 · For: The Christmas Party
You've captured their family dynamics just fine. And Victoire and Teddy are such cuties! Keep it up!

Name: Marauder by Midnight (Signed) · Date: 01/21/08 9:56 · For: The Christmas Party
One word: CUTE.

Absolutely lovely. I thoroughly enjoyed this chapter as it ties together the families (and Teddy; though the part where everyone is talking about his parents seemed kind of depressing). Hugo was darling; missle-toad was a great form of humor for this chapter. Rose and Lily are such great matchmakers. And James and Albus were thoroughly boys. I would, however, liked to have known their respective ages in this chapter. I seem to have forgotten, but I would've guessed these children were ten or so from the way they were behaving.

I know Fleur's accent is a hard thing to write, but it would probably reestablish Victoire's veela-ism as well as foreign look.

Again, I loved your dialogue in this chapter. Unlike other stories, your dialogue not only moves the story along but also establishes the characterisations of the speaker very well.

I had expected to see more of Victoire's hidden pain in this chapter like last chapter. Last chapter, you were able to show her uncertainty and longing very artistically. Here, you focus more on her friendship with Teddy, which isn't that bad of a thing perhaps :D The mistletoe scene was certainly a very good touch in showing awkwardness between the two, and parading in front of the aunts and uncles showed how everyone was expecting them to end up together. I can, unfortunately, relate. I felt that Teddy was being absolutely silly telling Victoire she needed to date someone he approves of soon. Perhaps Victoire should egg him and name a few boys just to spite him >.> Somehow, I have a feeling that this story is going to end adorably. I am loving your portrayal of these characters very much :)

Name: Marauder by Midnight (Signed) · Date: 01/21/08 9:36 · For: The Quidditch Match
Leslie! I thought I would finally get to read something written by you! :D

She’d been spending a lot of time around Teddy lately, and since Victoire tried to do the same, she’d attempted to look past the fact she was Irish, blonde, beautiful, and much more demanding of Teddy’s attention than Victoire was comfortable with.
There are a few too many shes in this sentence. It takes a while to sort through them to realize who you are talking about. Maybe to be consistent, use she to refer to one of the girls and a name for the other.

I really enjoyed the banter between Victoire and Tina on the way in. It was a very interesting conversation, a unique version of the less poetic ones I hear on a daily basis. I very much like Tina, especially when they encounter Seth (love the subtlety there!), but I'm hoping she doesn't have a side-kick role in this story and isn't a catalyst but a real person.

It’s not a victory party without Victoire feeling victorious, I always say...
Made me laugh out loud! Very witty :D

The scene with Rand seemed a little off to me. I would think it was a bit exaggerated (but of course, there are people like that -_-). It seems foolhardy for someone to be so bold and sexual toward a girl he goes to school with. There are consequences for doing so, especially involving his reputation.

I very much enjoyed the subtleties of this chapter. The romance between Victoire and Teddy was one-sided but not and obvious but not. A very good mixture of unsureness and wooing and friendship. Victoire and Teddy certainly do seem like a great pair, romantically and just friendship-wise. The tie-in with the Potters was a great touch; it reminded readers more firmly that Victoire and Teddy have indeed known each other for a very long time and are practically family. I'm definitely moving on to the next chapter and cannot wait to see the outcome!

Author's Response: The only explanation I have for Rand is that he was charmed by her veela tricks. He was obviously forward to start with, but when she "encouraged" him, he had no inhibitions. Thanks for your review, Beth!

Name: daffy (Signed) · Date: 01/21/08 9:18 · For: The Christmas Party
goin really great.... characterization..... awsome!!... though i wish u show more of interaction between harry n teddy.... after all they r ought to be close (like serius n harry)....
rons just..... ron i gess...
btw how long is dis fic gona be.... really lookin forward for updatees... keep dem comin k?

Name: MissHufflepuff (Signed) · Date: 01/21/08 0:17 · For: The Christmas Party
I love the way you've written Victoire and Teddy and I'm interested in where this story is going. I hope you update soon.

Name: Shannon Sims (Signed) · Date: 01/20/08 22:42 · For: The Quidditch Match
This is great! I absolutely love Teddy/Victoire. You did a wonderful job!

You must login (register) to review.