Hi! I love this story, and if you don't mind I 'd translate it to hungarian. I'd put it into a hungarian fanfic site but I'd write you as the author. So go over it and write me please!
Great story - cute and captures emotions well! Loved the characters a LOT - want to write more about them? :P Good job
if J.K.Rowling ever wrote a book about the future of harry potter this should be included it was fantastic to read.
I love how you end this at the same time as the DH epilogue, we get both sides of the story that way. I've really enjoyed this fic and am so tempted to add it to my gap fillers for canon. Hope to see more of your stuff soon.
I'm just beaming, this was absolutely amazing and it'd be brilliant if you kept it going, maybe after they've both left Hogwarts? It's just been such a joy to read, it flowed perfectly, all the characters were 3D and those whom we know well were very IC. I think my favourite part was Teddy morphing into Professor McGonagall, I bet her face'd be a picture if she had happened along that corridor. Anyway, I love your stuff, so keep writing.
LOVE IT! i just love your whole story and can't wait to see more. i love how you portray teddy and victoire...and i am so thankful that victoire wasn't like her mother ..you know really stuck up..i mena phlegm is nice bu she is a bit rude..lol...update
another excellent story...loved the ending! i was getting kind of worried there for a while, haha
Yay!!!!!!! But now I want more... This is far too addicting. But I loved it! =)
Yay!!!!!!! But now I want more... This is far too addiction. But I loved it! =)
*squee* A happy ending! Yay! Oh, Teddy and Victoire are so cute. =)
Oh, I do love this fic. You've created such good personalities for all you characters. I can't wait to read the next chapter, which I can see is in the queue right now.
I wonder why Teddy's mad at her...does it have, perhaps, a double meaning?
Please let her find a way to fix this...*crosses fingers*. Great job by the way. =)
awww, poor Victoire!!! I hope you update soon. This story is one of my favorites.
You know what this reminds me of? "You're fraternising with the enemy!!" lol.
dat was really great... nice n long.... do u rite for fanfiction.net as well?... just a thought.....
n wats up wid teddy.... i ges he is confused if he really feels something for vicky or its just her veela charms... hey i mite even be rite..!!!
i think wat they need is a confrontation... and m hooked for dat chapter!!!
really good... do update asap... i hate waitin especially for a fic this good...
*smiles* It seems that I can’t keep myself from writing another review.
In spite of Victoire’s (and also, I suspect, Teddy’s) inner turmoil, this comes across as a very relaxed chapter. Both because of how the characters act, but also because your writing style seems relaxed – and I don’t mean to say that it’s sloppy or anything, but that you write as if without effort; the overall impression is so smooth. =)
There were a few things in the chapter that didn’t make complete sense to me. I couldn’t quite come to terms with Bill and Fleur being written as ‘Daddy’ and ‘Mama’ in the text. I do understand that this is because we’re reading from Victoire’s point of view, and while I don’t question her calling Bill ‘Daddy’, repeatedly reading it in the chapter makes her character seem a bit childish. ‘Mama’ is better, but I still think the chapter would be better if you, in the text, referred to them as ‘her father’ or ‘Bill’ and ‘her mother’ or ‘Fleur’.
I’m also a bit confused about this Christmas gathering – so it’s only Harry/Ginny, Ron/Hermione and Bill/Fleur with children? What about the rest of the family? I wouldn’t question it if it had been the first two couples, but having Bill and Fleur there with no other family members… well, it came across as a bit strange.
I thought Teddy was very interesting in this chapter. He really seems to be at ease around Harry & Co, which both makes perfect sense, and also makes me very happy. His behaviour around Victoire… You know, Leslie, I find that very intriguing. I have several guesses as to why he’s acting the way he does, and I can’t wait to see if I’m right.
I’d like to quote two of my favourite lines:
“There’s no such thing as too late,” Daddy said, holding his hand out for Victoire to take. “We’ll get there before Ron, at least.”
This simply made me smile. Not because I recall Ron being late more often than other HP characters, but because it seemed like such a family thing, and it filled me with that special Weasley warmth. (And I assure you that it had nothing to do with the fact that my own mother is always late for everything…)
“Why aren’t you toads?” he demanded, shaking his little fist. “When you kiss under the missle-toad that’s what’s supposed to happen!”
And this was just utterly sweet!
This review might have been much longer and ramblier, had it not been for the fact that the third chapter is calling me. I believe I must go read it, and right now!
This was NOT what I was expecting! Actually, I wasn’t expecting anything at all, since I hadn’t even read the summary for your new story. I didn’t know what it was about, not even the pairing – though I was very amused to see that it was (well, hopefully will be) Teddy/Victoire, since I had just read and reviewed Mar’s A Pair. As I said to her, it seems that this is quickly becoming a new favourite pairing in the fandom, and I’m really glad to see that another talented author has decided to write it. :D
I’m going to start with a pointy finger – but it will be the only one, so don’t worry. I think the story would look much nicer if you added some blank lines between the author’s note and the beginning of the chapter. I know, I know, this doesn’t affect the actual story, but it makes the reading experience a bit more pleasant.
It’s very realistic, I think, that Victoire would be mindful of her mother’s opinion of her, but also that it wouldn’t stop her from doing what she wanted. I suppose characters like Victoire and Teddy could be called “half-canon” or something, since they were invented by JKR, but we don’t actually know them like we know, say, the trio. But I think that most fandom people have conceived some idea of them anyway, since we know something of the circumstances of their lives; I have a very clear idea of Victoire in my head, and the way you have written her fits nicely together with that.
Ooh, I must say that you’re making very good use of Teddy being a metamorphmagus, without exaggerating it. I also like how Victoire reacts to his various looks, and how she seems comfortable with commenting on it.
I need to compliment you on your varied use of verbs when writing dialogue, including words like ‘supplied’, ‘grumped’ and ‘remarked’. I know it’s a common writing tip, trying not to write ‘said’ all the time, but sometimes authors avoid it to the point where it almost becomes ridiculous. You, on the other hand, use it in a way that gives a nice, varied feeling and flow to your text; it makes it look like you put a lot of thought into what you write.
So, Teddy has a reputation, has he? Hee.
I suppose that you prove it already when writing Teddy and Victoire so well, but I will say that you have a wonderful talent for creating original characters, Tina being the finest example here. She’s more than just “Victoire’s friend”, and also more than just a filler character. When I’m on the subject of her it feels natural to mention the wonderful dialogue you’ve written in this chapter, between Tina and Victoire but also between Victoire and Teddy. It’s witty, it’s natural and it flows so nicely, and… well, the sheer quality of it makes me a very happy reader. In fact, I shall give you some of my favourite lines:
“Victoire had to be forcibly dissuaded from her new-found aspiration to be an icicle,” Tina informed him matter-of-factly.
“I’ll do what I please, Miss Weasley,” he responded.
Which also serves an example of the wonderful dynamic between Teddy and Victoire. Ha! I can’t say anything more coherent than that I simply love it.
"So...can I get you anything to eat or drink?” Teddy asked, changing the subject. “Something to get you feeling properly victorious?”
“Don’t say it...” Victoire warned, but Teddy never passed up this opportunity, and tonight certainly wasn’t any exception.
“It’s not a victory party without Victoire feeling victorious, I always say,” Teddy finished smugly, reaching out to tweak her nose again.
You know, I thought that was very clever of you. We’re all more or less sick of the Sirius/serious joke by now, but a Victoire name-joke feels new and, when so wonderfully delivered by Teddy, just right.
Ah, and I can’t finish this review without mentioning my delight when suddenly reading ‘holy Helga!’ in the chapter. And in the Gryffindor common room, too! Of course, being the clever person that you are, you didn’t just let it pass like that so that reviewers could be nitpicky about it, but let Victoire react to it. Well done, dear.
Speaking of well done, so was the very end of the chapter. After reading it I feel both complete and unsatisfied, and I like how the last line tied back to dialogue from earlier in the chapter – that always gives a nice, circular feeling, don’t you think? Anyway, Leslie, this story was unexpected in many ways, but I’m so glad that I sat down to read it. Now I must continue with the next chapter, I think…
I love the way this chapter opens—Bill protests his daughter’s attire, but Mom lets her go (after all, Victoire inherits her veela assets from Fleur). His protectiveness is perfect—he sounds a bit like my dad.
I don’t know why you think this story is so bad. This chapter is quite cute and the characterization is good. There really isn’t anything bad about it.
I liked this bit:
“Dearest, now you are being silly. When we bought it for her last Christmas you thought it was just fine.”
“She wasn’t wearing it then.”
Victoire is really quite conniving sometimes. “Daddy. We’ve been nothing but best friends since I was born. We practically are family. You’ve got nothing to worry about where Teddy’s concerned.” *coughcough* Letter of the law…
“Downstairs, out of the way,” he told her. “It’s an absolute madhouse; they’re so excited for Christmas.” Always! I’ve missed the excitement of being very small and thrilled by everything, these past few years. I can imagine the zillion or so excited kids running all over the place.
“Go tell the boys to bring him in,” Rose said in that superior, “I’m older than you so you must do what I say” sort of voice.
This is cute, but I’m not sure it flows as well as it could. I love that Rose and Lily fall so easily into older-younger hierarchy; the end is just phrased a little awkwardly. Maybe you could replace the “I’m older than you…” bit with something like “superior tone” or “that superior ‘I am older’ tone”. (Those aren’t great, but they’re close to what I’m thinking of.)
Teddy didn’t bear any of the characteristics of a normal kidnapped person that Victoire could see. In fact, he was the one carrying Hugo in…
Adorable! I think the highlight of this piece is the kids. You have their characters down, their quirks and childlike beliefs—for instance, the idea that you can kidnap someone ten years older by ordering them outside. Hee.
“You look nice.”
“Thanks. You look cold,” she observed.
I love that! It’s a little flirty, but it’s mostly just comfortable.
He was whispering to her instead. “You won’t...you won’t take this to mean anything it doesn’t, will you?”
Aha! On this, the second reading, I have caught the loophole. *preens* Not “won’t take this to mean anything”, but “to mean anything it doesn’t”. *is happy*
Teddy’s so sweet. He loves the kids, he’s mischievous but not cruel or thoughtless, and he does like Victoire. Because how could he not? I’d fall for Teddy.
Lily and Rose were smiling to themselves, James and Albus were looking determinedly elsewhere, and Hugo was staring in disbelief.
I smell a plot of varying levels here. I imagine the girls are trying to set them up (since they’re smiling) but I am most amused by how James and Albus aren’t looking! At least they didn’t shout, “Eeeeeww!”
It was really a pity there wasn’t more mistletoe around, because Victoire would have been very happy to utilize it.
I don’t want you to think that, because I haven’t quoted from the end-of-the-middle section, that I didn’t like it. It’s not so much that I like any single line as much as the feel of the whole part. It’s very family-happy and familiar and easy and fun.
I still don’t know why you don’t like this story. I suspect that it’s because it’s giving you trouble—let me tell you that it’s fine, even if it isn’t what you were shooting for. *hugs* I will be tracking the rest of this!
Author's Response: Considering the story is finished, and I know how it ends (even if...wait...it's not finished. It's all been published, though), that's why i'm confident in saying it's my worst. I'm glad you're tracking it and you liked it and reviewed and stuff, though! Thank you for your review and have a nice day, darling! *D*
I absolutely love it! Please update soon!
I absolutely love it! Please update soon!