Reviewer: armagod679
Date: 01/29/09 17:29
Chapter: Scriptures on a Headstone

Stories don't usually make me cry, but this one did. Thank you.

Author's Response: Thanks for reading. (:

Reviewer: ringobeatlesfan4
Date: 04/13/08 15:22
Chapter: Scriptures on a Headstone

Wow. This was kind of sweet. I mean, how he was desperate to see Fred was sweet. Not the suicide part. That wasnt sweet. I really liked it, though. I dont know if he would really kill himself. Although, Jo never put him in the epilogue, and he wasnt mentioned again after Fred died, was he? So maybe... whatever. I dont know. All I know is that I loved this. You're writing is great, and I'm sure you'll become a real author some day. 10/10 {Becca}

Author's Response: Oh, thanks so much! Yes, there's a bit of controversy about if George ever really did take his life after Fred's death. I wanted to push the point that even though most of the world is in a state of euphoria, some people are drowning in their greif. I myself don't really think that George would kill himself, though. It's all up to the reader. Yes, in my one-shot he said the curse, but do you think he had the power behind it to actually pull it off? Anyway, thanks for the review and the compliment! It means a whole lot!

Reviewer: Ron x Hermione
Date: 02/16/08 21:15
Chapter: Scriptures on a Headstone

Poor Fred and George! What an awful way to go. Very good work on this my dearest Ashley!

His arms were crossed stiffly, and he looked anywhere besides the rectangular hole in the ground as his best friend and brother was slowly lowered into it.

It's really sad to see how he can't even accept that his brother is gone. You portrayed this very well, especially this being for the Color of Loss challenge, and him seeing absolutely no color in his life at all but gray. Very appropriate choice.

She Now Has Perfect Wings

Even though this girl isn't a key part of your story, this headstone really spoke to me. George too doesn't know why she has died, but the fact that the girl now has perfect wings states she was innocent and her parents/guardians very much loved her. It just gives me chills, how perfect for her gravestone And only three! Very sad. But I did like very much how, even though George was very bitter and resentful toward the death of his twin, how he stopped and took the time to place an iris on this little girl's grave. Even though he feels that he is completely lost without Fred, a part of his thoughtfulness shines through with this simple act. I really liked this part.

Fred had joined the hundreds of others that occupied the land beneath him and would never rise from it.

Ooh, very chilling. Very, very good description. I hate how much angst George shows in this story, because he is always so happy, excited, joking. Your characterization in this is not to be questioned. George I very in character, even if he isnít the happy-go-lucky person we usually see.

ďAvada Kedavra.Ē

How sad! I hate to see [and can hardly believe] that George decided to go this way, but many do the unthinkable when the death of a loved one enters their lives. Suicide in itself is completely horrible, especially because of how much I love the character, the way your characterization shined through this story. It is a very satisfying ending, though, because now I believe that Fred is with him and they are now pranking others together, just like they usually would. I just can't imagine what the other Weasleys will think when they find out that another one of their sons is found dead. That's the only thing that bothers me, is how George doesn't think on what his family would feel when he is gone--- wouldn't he think of them, and how they would cope with his absence, especially just after the death of Fred? I find that Fred and George always think of their family, no matter how much they tease Ron [and Percy, for that matter, for being a git].

Very good story, Ashley! I loved your dark tone. I can't wait for another one of your challenges!

~Lindsey :)

Author's Response: Lindsey! *squishes to the point of suffocation*

Good golley, woman, how on earth is my reply supposed to be able to compete with the sheer length of this godly review? I'll give it a shot, but don't expect much from me. *buckles seatbelt*

Okay, first order of business. Do you have any idea how much it killed me to write George in such a fashion? I adore George, heart and soul, which is why I love to write him as a happy-go-lucky kind of guy, like in that other one-shot I have. Even thinking of killing him off by my own hand was horrific. But, it had to be done...for the sake of Gryffindor points for the Cup! *grins*

Actually it was the only thing I could think of, but I probably shouldn't even have tried. I read your Colours of Loss entry, and it was amazing. What's the point in competing? Participation points! Teehee!

When I really think about it though, I know George wouldn't have killed himself. He would have known the grieving his family would be going through, and wouldn't have ever even dared to add more suffering onto them. But, then again, Fred was his best friend, brother, and twin. Pretty much the other half of him. How could you lose so much of yourself and not want to join them, even in death? It's a horrible idea to even think about, but I'm sure George thought about it many times, although never went through with it. Fred would be proud of him.

In this one-shot, however, I don't actually say that George goes through with commiting suicide. He says the spell, but the imposter Moody says that very few wizards have the power to pull that particular spell off. If a whole classroom could only have given him a nosebleed, I doubt George could have pulled off killing himself. Although he did have a lot of hatred and angst swirling around him at the time. I suppose it is only up to the reader to assume what happened. Do you think he really killed himself?

So how did I do? Not as long as the actual review, but one of my longer answers, yes? Maybe. And thanks a ton for all the encouraging words and praise! You're amazing! All the best in the challenge!

Reviewer: Euphrates
Date: 02/16/08 10:06
Chapter: Scriptures on a Headstone

*tear*

Poor George. I can't believe Fred died, either.

This is a really well written story. Itís powerful and heart breaking, really. I think you chose a good premise for the story - I've always wondered, as well, how far George would go to stop the pain or be with his brother again. Whether he would kill himself or not is for everyone to decide for themselves, but the way you've shown this really makes me agree with you now. He would, at least, try to kill himself, and that's just...horrible, really.

Your writing is wonderful, but I'd like to critique something - your word choice seemed a little off to me, like here:

George continued on his trek until he came to a headstone cut into the shape of an angel. Bending down, he looked the stone in the eye before reading the scripture carved roughly into it.

'Trek' doesn't sound right to me - I imagine a trek as a long walk but with determination, which George has none, he's lost it all. And it say 'carved roughly', which is also something I want to mention - I think it would sound better if instead of using a verb and an adverb you used a stronger verb, like 'hewn' or 'gouged' to show what you mean without using adverbs, which many people have told me and I now start to believe weaken writing.

In some places, it seems to me that if you had chosen a different word or a stronger verb your writing would have been stronger and more powerful. However, it's amazing and tragic as it is, and I think you've done a great job.

--Kate


Author's Response: First off, I would like to say thank you for the very lengthy review! It definitely helps on a rainy Saturday when there's nothing to do outside...

I had always pictured the twins as together for all eternity, in life or death. So I naturally thought, if JKR is going to kill off one of them in the War, then she would just have to take the other one as well. No matter how hard it would be on the Weasley's, I knew the Fred and George would be happier together. So when only Fred was killed, I was just shocked and wondered how on earth George would cope. And then I started thinking, what if George didn't want to cope? What if he was so desperate to join his brother he just took his own life, or at least tried to? And from these thoughts, we now have Scriptures on a Headstone.

I would also like to thank you for the tip! I never really thought about how such a small thing can really change the thoughts and meanings to the readers, so this helps out a lot! I am definitely going to go comb over it now.

Thanks for reading Kate! I'll be seeing you over on the forums, probably in the tower! :)

Reviewer: moonstargazer
Date: 01/22/08 15:05
Chapter: Scriptures on a Headstone

Wow! That is really sad! Poor George! I hesitated about reading this, because I thought George would take his own life to be with Fred, which he did.
What he does'nt know, that his family will miss him as much as Fred.
I felt bad for him, feeling lost in the grieving over his brother. But maybe he finds peace now, with his brother.

Author's Response: I knew it would turn a few people off with the whole suicide warning... I mean, we want happy stories about George, like in Kerichi's For Bitter or for Worse, right? (Which, btw, is absolutely amazing, one of my faves on the site!) But it was the best thing that could come to mind to write for the prompt, and I think it turned out pretty good. Thanks for reading, even though you had your doubts! :)

Reviewer: SecondWeasleyGirl
Date: 01/20/08 21:01
Chapter: Scriptures on a Headstone

A Really Great Fic. I always end up near to tears when I hear about George after fred. This one I think is really well done and it captures how you really feel when your twin dies *sobs*

-Weasles

Author's Response: Thanks so much! Yeah, I think George would be a little more than devestated, but not to the point where he kills himself. It was just written for the prompt.

Reviewer: JustLikeHermione77
Date: 01/20/08 13:26
Chapter: Scriptures on a Headstone

omg that's so depressing!! did he really kill himself?!?

Author's Response: I don't know... *insert evil giggle from depriving readers* It is really up to you if George died or not. Perhaps he didn't have enough power to pull off the killing curse. Maybe he did. What ever you want is what happened.

Reviewer: marvelousmeg
Date: 01/20/08 11:21
Chapter: Scriptures on a Headstone

This is os sad! I love his true loyalty to Gryfindor to the end but this is still very, very sad.


Author's Response: Yeah, I wanted to write a really depressing and dark story for a change. Hopefully it turned out well.

Reviewer: Thesnubbly
Date: 01/20/08 9:54
Chapter: Scriptures on a Headstone

Well written, I like it!

Author's Response: Thanks so much! I wasn't sure how this was going to turn out...

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