where's the rest
This is such a good story - and I'm not just saying this because you're a 'Puff. I love this line especially
It was Dean’s smile that made him dizzy. It was Dean’s broad shoulders and strapping chest that he caught himself staring at. It was Dean’s voice that made him feel warmer inside. It was Dean.
Poor Seamus. I loved the way Neville found out - very IC. Adding to favourites!
That was pretty amazing. I've never read a Dean/Seamus. Acutally, I never even considered it. It certainly is a rare pairing but you really wrote it out so nicely. I simply loveee how you wrote Seamus's feelings. Very descriptive. There is just one thing though: it would seem that Seamus stares a lot. Wouldn't Dean notice? He knows Seamus pretty well since they've been best friends from the start. But other than that point, great great chapter. Can't wait to read more and update soon!
Wow... this was actually pretty good... can't wait til the next chapter!!!
Olivia! Omg this was soooo good! Its so obvious... why have I never thought of a Seamus/Dean pairing? Usually I dont read slash, but this was exceptional. Your writing is distinguished and discriptive.
One thing though, I was a bit confused about how Seamus managed to hide his feeling for Dean from his best mate. They spent every waking minute of the past 7 years together! You told us cleary that Dean, or anyone else didn't know, and you wrote a little about how Seamus hid it, but still - Seamus stares an awful lot. Maybe- and this is just a suggestion- in the next chapter have a paragraph or two about why Seamus thinks Dean doesn't catch on. Maybe Dean has a small inkling but doesn't want to admit that his best friend is gay?
Anyways, this was a great fic. I can't wait to read more of it! I rewrote this reveiw 4 times because I forgot to copy it and for some reason it's not going through. *cross you fingers for the 4th time* Usually I'd give up after the first time I tried to submit a reveiw that wouldn't go through, but I thought you totally deserved this!
Author's Response: I'm glad you liked it! And I must say, your very perceptive. I know it seems a bit odd right now, but trust me, all the little pieces will fit together soon enough, and your question will eventually be answered.;) Thank you so much for reviewing! I really appreciate it. - Olivia
love this story its one of the best slash I've read in a while. PLEEEAAAAASSSSEEEE update soon!!: )
Olivia, my dear beta,
I have been meaning to come over here and read this fic and I am so glad that I did.
I love the description used to describe Seamus’ emotions and feelings towards Dean. It allows the reader to really get inside his head and see what he is thinking and feeling. I also like the way you have characterized Seamus. It is so different from the way he is typically depicted, but the way in which you have written it makes it completely believable in an unbelievable way.
The friendship/relationship that has begun between Seamus and Dean is a must read. You can really tell that it is something real and true. By the end of chapter one, you are pulling for Seamus/Dean.
The ease with which your writing flows allows the reader to stay in the moment of the story and not be distracted. The in-your-face style that this fic is written adds a sharp, fresh, and captivating feel that really draws the reader into the story, leaving them wanting nothing but more. This is truly a must read.
Yay! I love slash when it's well done, which this is. Interesting, too; I've never read a Seamus/Dean before. :) Please update!
P.S. I looked on your author page for more, and what did I find but a banner about ROWING!!! YES!!! Best sport ever! (I'm a coxswain-sized rower; it's odd.)
Author's Response: Yes! A fellow rower! And I'm coxswain-sized too, but I row a single scull. Imagine that! Rowing is the best sport ever, but I usually find myself loosing my voice after a while from cursing all the motor boats that decide to drive right up next to me. Seriously, the waves those thing make can flip a a single! Ok, now I'm rambling. Thank you so much for the review! I really appreciate it. -Olivia
It was definantly interesting seeing as Devon Murray (Seamus) is one of my favorite blokes. I live right near him in Co. Kildare, Ireland. I had him read your story and he laughed and told me to tell you that your story is a riot!
Author's Response: Damn! Didn't see that coming...Thank you, I'm glad you liked it. It's proving to be a very interesting and entertaining story to write! And thank Devon as well. He's brilliant and one of my favorite actors, so it's great to hear he found my story amusing. Thanks again, I guess I'm under pressure now to make the next chapter just as good. :) I appreciate you taking the time to review! -Olivia
that was really gud, i'm usually not a fan of same-sex fics but ur waz so gud, i actually finished it for once!! lol
Author's Response: It's always a good sign when a reader is able to finish the chapter. :) Thanks for taking the time to review!
Nice chapter! Seamus and Dean are unseperable and this is an interesting twist to that friedship.
Can't wait to see what happens.
Author's Response: I know, I love putting characters in awkward situations. Plus, you have to admit that Seamus and Dean would make a gorgeous couple! And I can't wait to see where I take this too, as I haven't quite figured it out yet...I should probably do that. Thanks for the review!
you need to get the rest of this story finished this is grate.
Author's Response: I hope to get it finished soon as well, but Bio/Chem is a pain. Warning, when a teacher asks if you are willing to take two science courses in one year, refuse! It's not worth the agony and mental breakdown. Anyway, I'm rambling. Thanks for taking the time to review, I appreciate it!
I love it! You're going to write more, right?
Author's Response: Of course! I don't the heart to leave Seamus in such a muddled state. Besides, I'm having a lot of fun writing this! Thanks for reviewing!
Ooh, this was good. I never thought about Seamus as being gay. I suppose it makes sense, though. And liking Dean!! Scandalous.
You're a very good writer, too. You described Seamus's feelings without it sounding cheesy and awkward, which I always find hard to do from third person. I really like this fic, and I hope you put up more soon!
Author's Response: Haha. Neither did I and I still don't, but you have to admit, the chemistry is there! Thanks for reviewing!
As I've said before, you've made me fall in love with this pairing, Olivia! I love how you show Seamus' uncertainty and Dean's so IC I don't even know what to do with myself! *lol* Wonderful job my dear!
Author's Response: Hello Dear! I'm so glad you like it! Seamus/Dean is a rather unexplored pairing, so I'm so happy that you enjoyed it. And thanks again for you beta help, I greatly appreciate it! You're amazing! -Olivia
I love it!
Looking forwards to your next chapter, how long will it take? I don't mean to rush you or anything, but it's really good!
Author's Response: Thanks! I'm hoping to get the next chapter up soon. I'm really excited for this story and I want to finish it in the next couple months if possible. Thank you for the review, I appreciate it! -Oliva
A very good first-chapter in a Seamus/Dean. I've always wondered if their friendship could be seen as more. I'm looking forward to the rest of your story!
A few nit-picking punctuation errors:
...Seamus feel extremely happy in a none too friendly way.
I think none-too-friendly would work best hyphenated.
...trying to calm himself down by repeating ‘You’re gay, Dean’s not, you’re gay, Dean’s not,’ over and over...
'Repeating' should probably be followed by a comma to be consistent with the comma at the end of "You're gay, Dean's not." Same with ...still sweaty and hot from practice, and said ‘boo’ right into his ear.
Speaking of that scene, I don't really understand how saying "You're gay, Dean's not" calms Seamus down. Throughout the chapter, I see that the source of Seamus tenseness is that Dean is not gay and would therefore not return Seamus' feelings. This didn't seem like a plausible way for Neville to find out Seamus' secret. Or perhaps 'calm' was the wrong word to describe what Seamus was doing.
Just as Seamus had expected, Deans eyes were glowing with enthusiasm, and Seamus couldn’t keep his eyes off them.
Deans eyes should probably be Dean's eyes. But I'm going to focus a bit more on the use of "eyes" twice in a very short sentence. It sounds repetitive and made the short sentence sound choppier. You could have avoided this by something like: Dean's eyes were glowing with enthusiasm, and Seamus couldn't stop staring at them with his. A lot smoother without the existence of too many eyes.
There are a couple of such instances in this chapter only more spread out. For example, there was one rather short paragraph where you used "himself" three times. I usually tell authors to change up their words. Try to explore the unfamiliar. Use a different combination of words you usually would never use. You'd be surprised by how lyrical your outcome can be. When writing, be extremely aware of what words you use.
When I first read this chapter, I wasn't sure what years the characters were in. Instead of announcing their years, you could grab bits of the Harry Potter series and insert them as reference. Show us what years they are in. The bit about Cedric helped, but otherwise, it seems like these characters live isolated in their own universe. Seamus makes no mention of the events at school, which are quite catastrophic (Triwizard tournament and the war). Maybe on the platform, you can mention how there are less people than usual. Something, anything, that would allow us to draw a parallel between your story and the Harry Potter books. I'm sure you would do that in your subsequent chapters. It's just that your first chapter is pretty crucial as it really establishes the setting of your story.
I'm a little confused with your characterisation of Justin Finch-Fletchley. Apparently no one is supposed to be surprised by him coming out of the closet, but you specifically described him as a high-estrogen-leveled individual. I'm not offended by your stereotypical view of homosexuals (after all, you did state that Seamus didn't fit the stereotypical profile) by stating that gays are effeminate. I'd just like to ask you to be very careful when you are using Justin in your story. And just to point out, there is no conclusive evidence showing that gay men have higher estrogen levels than straight men. In fact, quite a few studies show they are the same. :)
You portrayed Seamus as being thought of as a regular, meaning straight, guy. In this chapter, we get a very good idea that he is in fact hiding his true sexual orientation, but we don't see why everyone else can't see the same thing. You do describe his discreet behaviour very well, but I'm anxious to see how Seamus is so able to hide his secret!
I'm very interested in seeing how this will go. Naturally, I'm assuming Seamus and Dean eventually make it. It just seems so hopeless at the moment :D
Author's Response: Wow! Thanks for your review! I really appreciate it. And about my characterization of Justin, I in no way meant to imply that gay guys are effeminate, and I'm truly sorry if that's how it came across. In this chapter, I'm trying to show how Seamus is still rather uncomfortable in his sexuality, and his over the top description of Justin will soon be revealed as being untrue, as Seamus himself will realize. Here Seamus is merely trying to make himself feel better by claiming to be a foil to Justin, unaware that the tables will turn. My goal with this story is to try and break that stereotypical view, and I'm attempting to do that through Seamus' growth as a person, and becoming comfortable with who he is. I'm sorry to give so much away, but I just wanted to make that clear. And I'm so grateful that you pointed that out! This chapter has many lose ends, but I promise that they will all be tied in due time! :) And thank you again for taking the time to review! -Olivia
plz reply me as soon as possible ,thankyou