Hmm...I don't know if it's safe to laugh or not...but that last line sort of made me want to. But it was sad, too. Sev's daydream: young and together with Lily, a Lily Junior expected. So sad! You are an excellent writer, and I couldn't find a single error. Great!
Author's Response: That is a frequent case with writing Severus - not knowing whether to laugh or cry and wishing to do both. His sarcasm is his armor, as he would not admit his pain even to himself except in such roundabout self-mockery. *sigh*
Thank you for the review!
I loved your story once I understood it! It was really hard to grasp what it was about to start with, I had to read it about 15 times just to get to grips with the basic story line. It took me a while to realise that it couldnt possibly happen without being 'DH disregarded' which it hadnt been put down as so I sat and thought. The ending was what threw me off the most (and consequently the bit I read most to try and get my head around!) because I didnt realise that Snape had been trying out the Weasley Wizard Wheezes products instead of checking them for Dark Magic! It was obvious that you were using the idea of the Mirror of Erised to create what he could see, and I think it was a wonderful idea! I finally figured out the answer with realising that from mine and Sammicals lesson starter with the Mirror of Erised what was happening and how you had used the idea! I really loved this fic *shudders* even though it was a Sev fic, although I must admit it seems weird to see this side of Sev. Great work! Stacey.
Author's Response: Stacey, darling, I'd apologize for the fic not being clear enough - but if it merited so many re-reads, I can't help but feel extremelt flattered. :D
rnAnd it is my duty of honor to get people to see this side of Severus, along with many others (rest assured he has plenty).
Oh, El! That was lovely!
As Sammy has told you many a time, you are the ultimate Severus Snape author. You charactarize him beautifully. I swear you're Severus incarnate and you just won't tell us!
I adore this submission! As I'm reading through it, I'm thinking to myself that it's an AU piece where Sev and Lily actually did get married and was so excited to see a happy ending for Sev. I'm all a flutter thinking there's going to be a kiss at the end and maybe a scene similar to it's a wonderful life.... and then, the twist!
The twist, what a wonderful twist it was! Completely unexpected. I would have never thought of including a daydream for him resulting from contact with a Weasley's Wizarding Wheeze's product. Ingeniously done!
Absolutely no nitpicks from me, just a substantial amount of praise!
Stacy - of the Gryff Review Crew
Author's Response: Thank you so much, Stacy! *hugs*
rnNow, it's certainly high praise to have made a known J/L shipper 'all a flutter' at the idea of an AU where Severus and Lily were together... ;)
rn*sigh* The twist at the end I'm both proud of and can't help hating myself for. For obvious reasons.
rn~El *who is also mildly sick of the 'rnrn' bug that appeared after the update*
This was really great. I love the direction you came about writing this, and the little things you include here tell a lot about the meaning behind the story, if that makes any sense.
I like the way you wrote your sentences. You had many adjectives in them which made your whole story much more full and colorful. I've read too many stories to count that simply state what is happening, forgetting about explaining how the character did what they did, when they did it, etc. It's very boring to read, I must tell you. You did the opposite, and I congratulate you for that. :)
The witch's eyes followed him for the next few moments, failing to understand what caught her attention. The man, after all, could not be called handsome even by the most generous standards, nor did his apparel improve it, making him appear a wayward mourner lost in the excited holiday crowd. And yet, there was a peculiar gleam in his black eyes, a strange spring in his step.
That was probably my favorite bit of this piece. It described Snape so perfectly and was exactly how I have always imagined him to be. I like the last part about the spring in his step, because it just gives that feeling that he's doing something that he wouldn't normally be doing. It's not just a spring in his step, it's a 'strange' spring in his step, which gives the reader that slightly uneasy feeling where they know he's up to something, but they don't know what.
I truly could go on and on about this. You did a fabulous job, and I look forward to reading more of what you've written! :)
Author's Response: I can't begin to tell how glad I am to see the little details noticed, the scattered clues picked up. A good reader is a rare thing, whatever people may say. And the most rewarding reader is one that can take out of the story exactly what the author put there.
Thank you for doing exactly that! I hope you can find the time to check out my other fic one of these days.
Author's Response: Thank you! :)
You, you, you... *gasp* You evil person! I think my head is going to explode.
You began the story so well. It gripped me immediately (okay, so it gripped me because I thought you had lost your mind since Episkey and my jaw was hanging near my knees ("This is Elmindreda's fic right? What the heck is she doing - Severus is OOC!!) - I went back to check if there was an AU warning on it too :p. But still... it was gripping).
"...a strange spring in his step."
This was what made me suspicious - perhaps this story isn't what it seems to be. :p And then you go further and tell us his age, which was a true tip off. I'm glad you sprinkled clues in the beginning. :)
"...and his word was that nothing was wrong with having two Lilies under the same roof."
This was perfect! So sweet and... sweet! From what we saw in DH, Severus did not only love Lily, I think he almost worshipped her. It was sad and strange to read about the Snape we've come to know through Harry being so... I don't think weak or vurnerable are the right words, but you know what I mean. And you caught that "weakness" (whatever) perfectly here. He's over protective, over anxious, he over analyzes everything he does, wondering if she will be okay, if what he does is acceptable. It's sad that even in his daydreams he cannot just accept her love. And I think you meant "Lilys" not "Lilies"... if Severus does want to name the child Lily, that is. :p
I was hoping that it wouldn't be a dream/daydream, but I didn't have much hope... :( Poor Severus again. I like that you linked this to an actually item from Weasleys' Wizarding Wheezes - it was the Daydream thingy (can't remember the name) right?
"...supplementing the list of possible side-effects with 'heightened irritability, aggravated misanthropy, increased suicidal tendencies.'
Then again, 'intensification of inherent personality traits' would probably suffice."
At least you ended with characteristc Snape Sarcasm - and made me laugh. The suicidal tendencies bit was best. :p (or worst!)
I liked your writing here, though I still think your previous story was better. It was short (not a bad thing), sad and sweet all at the same time. 10/10!!
Author's Response: I think the word you were looking for was 'insecurity'. At least, that's what it always struck me as. Also, when writing the daydream part, I was completely under the impression that it was a picture of utopia... only after some time did I see how insecure he is even there.
The item was Patented Daydream Charm, I believe, and am glad to see it picked up. This is supposed to be taking place during year 6, so Professor has a perfectly good reason to examine the item, as Filch is paranoid as ever about Dark objects...
Thank you for the great review (the beginning of it made my WEEK, I think; lost my mind - of course, I did! :p)! Actually, I was afraid that people might not wade through the fluff to the bitter end and abandon this piece for hopeless... Part of the reasoning for it being short. Just thirty minutes, after all...
Oh my Godric, El, I am so stupid. I actually had to read the last bit several times and then get out my copy of Prince to understand what was going on. *dies of shame*
As usual, Severus was perfect as he always is when written by you. I can't find a single thing wrong and am therefore of no help whatsoever. I am in love with this. It is a wonderful insight on how things could have been and I was nearly in tears because of how it actually turned out.
You are amazing El, if I had half as much talent as you, I'd be making my own novels. Your ability to go so deep in Sevrusí head is truly amazing. The way, you write him, well lets just say if I didn't know you, I'd have no trouble imagining it was him writing his memoirs.
Once again, fantastically done and *coughquicklysubmityourColourofLossentrynowbeforethedeadlinecough*
Author's Response: *resurrects Sammy* And don't you dare call yourself stupid. Besides, you understood in the end. ;)
I'm sorry to have made you sad, but my excuse is that I myself suffer just as much. "How things could have been", indeed. Once upon a time, in a perfect world... NOT. Severus's life in a nutshell. *sighs*
Thank you yet again, and hope to see you around Episkey as well, when you have the time. *hug*
Simultaneously sweet and sad. Nice twist for a story. Well done!
Author's Response: I'm happy you liked it. Hope to see you around! :)
Hmmm good but I'm a bit confused. Is Snape MARRIED to Lily and are they expecting a child or what? I'm kinda confused about if they're together or not...
Author's Response: Since this story was NOT in AU category, the answer to your question is a very definite 'no'. *author apologizes to Severus profusely, is ignored as usual*
Hmm, well, how to put it. If you have a look at chapter 6 of HBP, you will find an interesting product of Fred and George's store. Patented Daydream Charms, it's called. It should give you a clue as to what happened. ;)
Sniff...What a wonderful (though heart breaking) story.
Author's Response: Thank you! That's what happens when I have Severus and Christmas in the same picture - heartbreaks ensue.