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Reviews For Disembarking

Name: grangerfan9533 (Signed) · Date: 01/25/08 13:29 · For: Disembarking
I think that this story is great at showing Freds emotions and I could feel them too. It really is heart taking and even though Fred was the main character and no-one else really it showed great character.

I think it was really good.

Author's Response: Thank you, grangerfan! I appreciate your kind words! Thanks for taking the time to read and review!

Name: FeatherTrader (Signed) · Date: 01/25/08 12:52 · For: Disembarking
Awww. That was really, really cute. It was an interesting mix between sad and, for lack of a better word, happy. It was good that Fred found his peace; it was good that Fred was finally okay with himself being dead.

As the figure neared, it gained shape and color and substance, as though coming together out of thin air.

I simply adore the language in this sentence. It has a very light feel to it, which is rather fitting for a ghost if I do say so myself. And I can see the figurative language being taken literally, which gives it a more truthful aura to it. Although, one small nit-pick; it should be colour rather than color.

ďAre they going to be alright?Ē

Another small nit-pick that you made a couple of time through-out the one-shot is that it should be all right opposed to alright, since alright actually isnít a word.

Uncle Gideon stood to the side as Fred bounced onto the boat.

First off, the description of Gideon was really good. I could practically see him in my mindís eye, and just from your description I would have known he was a Weasley. And I canít say that Iíve ever been too wonderful at matching descriptions to characters, so that has to say something.

The second part of this sentence confused me slightly. I just didnít seem to fit or flow together. The majority of your descriptions depict the dead people as floating and overall just moving in a very soft matter. And then Fred bounced onto the boat. It just seemedÖoff. Like, I couldnít tell if he literally jumped or if his step was just really bouncy, or it because of the sea he stumbled making him look bouncy. It just seemed out of place.

In the kitchen, he found his parents doting over a toddler with hair that kept changing colors.

I think itís interesting how you depicted time passing without Fred, which makes a very good point. It seems like Fred was only in the other realm for an hour or two at most, yet months have passed in the realm he just left. Fleurís pregnant, Teddyís grown up, and it seems that any hard feelings that might have been harboured against Percy are completely nonexistent.

Now, Iím assuming that Teddy is the toddler youíre referring to in the above excerpt, since heís the only one young enough when Deathly Hallows closes. Yet, Iím slightly put off that it seems that heís a Metamorphagus. Itís plausible, I suppose, yet since the Metamorphagus gene isnít hereditary, it makes it seem sort of forced to me.

ďAh, Fred,Ē he sighed.

I love Gideonís characterization, especially the awkward moment where he tells Fred that heís no longer alive; that heís not going to be able to converse directly with anyone in the living world until they die too. You balanced the perfect hybrid of hesitancy and insistence for someone trying to convince a relative that they are dead.

Overall, I think you handled a normally very sensitive subject extremely well. Keep up the amazing writing.

Author's Response: Ah, I LOVE reviews like this. They're the perfect balance of encouragement and contructive criticism. That being said, let me respond to some of the nit-picky issues that bothered you. Being American, 'color' is the perfectly acceptable way to spell it. If I were a Brit, or trying to write like a Brit, I would spell it colour. However, being stateside, I don't use the 'u'. Next up, the use of 'alright.' I'm afraid you'll need to address this with J.K. Rowling herself since she uses this frequently in her writing. Furthermore, just out of curiosity, I went to check a few different dictionaries just to ensure I wasn't losing my mind. 'Alright', according to Merriam-Webster, is: quite common in fictional dialogue, and is used occasionally in other writing . Finally (for the nit-picky issues): Teddy. It may seem forced to you that he is a metamorphagus, but again, that was of Ms. Rowling's invention, not my own. Not only is it stated in interviews, it's up in the HP Lexicon, which makes it as true as it's going to get. Now then, having been spending some time poking around the beta boards, I realize this review may very well be more than just a review. If that's the case, I hope that you'll include my response. Now that my rebuttal is out of the way, let me say again that I do love reviews like this, and I love that you took the time to leave me such a detailed one, with all of your helpful pointers. Thanks! ~Penni

Name: Lumos Nermo (Signed) · Date: 01/24/08 14:42 · For: Disembarking
this made me want 2 cry:'(
im glad that fred is ok though:)
out of all of the deaths fred's was the one that hurt me the most.
R.I.P. fred

Author's Response: As I said in the author's notes at the beginning, this story was me seeking closure for Fred. I needed to see that he was okay, as was everyone else.

Obviously, life is never the same when someone dies, but I also feel like the Weasleys would refuse to let their grief stop them from living.

Thanks for the review!

Name: FeverFudge (Signed) · Date: 01/22/08 22:30 · For: Disembarking
awww - you make me cry again! Job well done!

Author's Response: Fudge! I wondered where you were. Drat it all to heck. I wasn't even trying to make people cry this time. I'm going to write some ridiculous crack-fic and I'm STILL going to make people cry. Ah well. I'm glad you stopped by to read, and I appreciate the review!

Name: Jazzbones (Signed) · Date: 01/21/08 13:13 · For: Disembarking
Made me cry - I knew I would before I even started reading it. Very well written.

Author's Response: I guess I didn't anticipate the power of my words or of peoples' grief over Fred. Thank you for your kind words. You ought to go read something funny now.

Name: SnivellusLovegood (Signed) · Date: 01/20/08 22:19 · For: Disembarking
aww that was so sad :[
i really did cry...
i miss you fred.
it was a really good story.

Author's Response: Aww, I didn't want it to be sad! Sorry I made you cry. Thank you for your read and review!

Name: lifter57 (Signed) · Date: 01/20/08 16:58 · For: Disembarking
Up to your usual excellent standard

Author's Response: Thank you! That means a lot to me.

Name: needsomefelixfelicis (Signed) · Date: 01/20/08 14:30 · For: Disembarking
fred and george have been my favourite characters from book one, so i was very sad when he died. i love reading all the stories about how the death affected everyone, but i've never before read one from fred's pov. very well done!

Author's Response: Thank you! Fred's death left me reeling. Knowing Fred, however, I figured he'd accept it and make the best of it, so I'd better do the same. This is the first post-DH story I've been able to write (haven't been able to really accept it all til now). Anyway, thanks for the R&R!

Name: JustLikeHermione77 (Signed) · Date: 01/20/08 13:16 · For: Disembarking
*snif* good story!

Author's Response: *hands tissue* Thanks!

Name: nesit721 (Signed) · Date: 01/20/08 7:17 · For: Disembarking
That was nice...

Author's Response: Glad you liked it!

Name: megan_grace1405 (Signed) · Date: 01/20/08 4:13 · For: Disembarking
brilliant!!! brought tears to my eyes

Author's Response: Thanks, Megan!

Name: SweetStar (Signed) · Date: 01/19/08 22:58 · For: Disembarking
Your storry had me crying!!
I was reading Percy's part and the tears just came out!! You ended it very nicely!!
Very Nice!

Author's Response: Wow, I honestly had no intention of making people cry! Thank you for taking the time to let me know!

Name: Garnok (Signed) · Date: 01/19/08 21:11 · For: Disembarking
Absolutely Beautiful!

Author's Response: Thank you!

Name: PadfootnPeeves (Signed) · Date: 01/19/08 19:00 · For: Disembarking
That was beautiful, dear. I've never quite gotten over Fred's death *sniff*, and this certainly made me smile. Wonderful job!

Author's Response: I was the same way, sort of a numb state of shock. I didn't start out to write this story; it just sorta happened. I'm glad it made you smile. Thanks for the R&R!

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