Reviews For Tears of Lamis
Reviewer: Mrs Nicole Malfoy
Date: 11/29/09 13:19
Chapter: Chapter 2; A Cry for Help

Nice!!!!

Reviewer: Sesah
Date: 11/08/08 20:19
Chapter: Chapter 2; A Cry for Help

oooooh! i like it! Please continue the story!

Author's Response: Im glad you like it! I submitted the next chapter a couple of days ago, so hopefully it will be up soon!! Dracoslamis xxx

Author's Response: Im glad you like it! I submitted the next chapter a couple of days ago, so hopefully it will be up soon!! Dracoslamis xxx

Reviewer: Forbidden Desire
Date: 08/30/08 20:44
Chapter: Chapter 1; Stop the Memories

I like it! You write with description very well, so it's easy for me to visualise the words. I'm annoyed now because I want to know what happens next! haha

Author's Response: im glad you enjoyed it! the next chapter is written, im just waiting on my beta for a few finishing touches, then i will submit it. Hopefully it will be on within a couple of weeks. thanks for the review, it really made me smile :D xxx dracoslamis

Reviewer: moonstargazer
Date: 04/16/08 21:17
Chapter: Chapter 1; Stop the Memories

Yes I do like your vampire! Although, I thought maybe it would be Sltytherin vampire, but Luna, given her paleness in reality makes a good vampire.
She seems to despise her existence, and what she is...And feels remorse for almost taking her father's blood.
This will be a fascinating story to read, as I like vampires....I do wonder if Luna will be able to control her urges. When you mentioned that the vampire 'fliited' over to Luna, it reminded me of the Darren Shan series, 'Cirque Du Freak', which is an outstanding series, in the Vampire genre.
Congratulations on a great story and I look forward to the next chapter! ;0)

Author's Response: hey, its great to see you back for the next chapter =], yes i did slightly get the idea of 'flitting' from the Darren Shan series, which i LOVE. rn
the next update should be in around a month xxxxxxxxxxxxx

Reviewer: moonstargazer
Date: 04/16/08 20:51
Chapter: Prologue; Temptation

Wow, that was short and sweet....Nice begiing to the story. can't wait to see how Luna becomes a creature of the night.
Looking forward to the next chapter.

Reviewer: deadlyseduction
Date: 04/16/08 16:54
Chapter: Chapter 1; Stop the Memories

DIDNT TELL ME U WERE UPDATING!!!
hate u
xxx

Reviewer: leighpotter
Date: 04/01/08 12:58
Chapter: Prologue; Temptation

Vampires, Luna/Draco and a terrifying yet intriguing start...how much more interesting can this get? I especially loved the description...Update soon, I really can't wait for more...

Reviewer: Starmaiden
Date: 03/22/08 18:08
Chapter: Prologue; Temptation

Great job of pulling the reader in! This is a fascinating prequel, an excellent start to whatever might follow. 

<i>She did not really need a glass of water, but felt like she could do with stretching her legs. She did not need sleep anymore and was always more active when the moon was out. Purely out of habit she rubbed non-existent sleep from her eyes. </i> 

You have some unnecessary repetition here. The first two sentences start “She did not need…” It sounds a little basic to use the same phrase twice in the same section (usually, you want to wait at least a couple of paragraphs). 

Also, “She did not need sleep anymore” and “she rubbed non-existent sleep from her eyes.” It’s good to mention that she doesn’t need sleep. However, the second phrase is more interesting. Since it means about the same thing, and since you mentioned earlier that she doesn’t need to drink, you could probably take out the first “She did not need sleep”. 

Doing that would also create a better connection between “…she could do with stretching her legs” and “…always more active when the moon was out.” 

I like this description of Luna’s room: <i>from the childhood sketches of Crumple-Horned Snorkacks to the swirling cloud-like pattern splashed across the blue walls.</i> It’s brief, but does a good job of placing the scene without slowing anything down. 

<i>It was this that the girl in the door way was focusing on, a subtle change came over her, clear blue eyes narrowed into dark slits and two white points appeared over the edge of her full bottom lip.</i> 

The first comma should be a period. (There are a couple of phrases like this throughout.) Your description of her transformation is simple, but chilling—to have Luna’s trademark, protuberant eyes actually “narrow” is very strange and frightening. 

her eyes are a fundamental Luna mark, so to have them suddenly <i>narrow</I> is very strange. No one ever uses that word in relation to Luna’s eyes. 

I have a question about the “crystal tear” that falls with a plop onto the carpet. I don’t expect tears to make a sound on the floor, especially on carpet—unless supernatural hearing is also part of Luna’s vampirism. If that’s the case, you might tell us that. 

One minor character thing—Luna usually calls her father “Daddy”. It seems especially likely that she would do so here, when she says good bye. 

I hope I’m not sounding too picky—I think this story is original and suspenseful, and the types of things I’m noticing could make it practically perfect. It’s a brilliant draw and should lead into an interesting story!



Author's Response: wow, thanks for the indepth response! im amazed you would take the time over my story. thank you!rn
rnLuna can hear the 'crystal tear', supernatural hearing is part of Luna’s vampirism, as are a couple of other things i have hidden up my sleve for later in the story :)rn
rnthe next chapter is waiting to be validated and so should be up soonrnxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Reviewer: Athenas Quill
Date: 02/05/08 15:07
Chapter: Prologue; Temptation

Great Job!!! I like it!
-the beta reader

Reviewer: Athenas Quill
Date: 02/05/08 15:04
Chapter: Prologue; Temptation

Great Job!!! I like it!
-the beta reader

Reviewer: deadlyseduction
Date: 01/11/08 10:02
Chapter: Prologue; Temptation

dreadful. absolutely terrible.

nah i'm joking well done babes i hate you for getting your story up first though!!

p.s change "hazil" to "deadlyseduction"

xxxxx

Reviewer: lilyevans489
Date: 01/10/08 21:12
Chapter: Prologue; Temptation

Well, you've got me hooked. There's not enough stories on mugglenet about vampires; and Luna is perfect. Who would suspect her?

Keep updating!

Author's Response: thank you for your review =D thats exactly what i thought about vampires on mnff, they are very under represented. The next chapter is being betaed, and should be up soon! xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx dracoslamis

Author's Response: thank you for your review =D thats exactly what i thought about vampires on mnff, they are very under represented. The next chapter is being betaed, and should be up soon! xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx dracoslamis

Reviewer: theworldonlyknows
Date: 01/10/08 8:36
Chapter: Prologue; Temptation

I love it, you are amazing, I love your description its phenomenal, he he love you x x nik

Reviewer: jediprankster
Date: 01/10/08 1:43
Chapter: Prologue; Temptation

Wow! That was extremely short. Well-written, intriguing, interesting, but short. It's got me hooked though. I wonder what happens next.

Author's Response: thank you so much for your review =] it is rather short but as it is just the prologue all it needs to do is get you hooked =] yey yey yey! thank you again xxxxxxxx dracoslamis

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