Reviewer: JenPotter
Date: 01/28/08 13:05
Chapter: Letters

Is this going to be a long story or short.... I love the long ones so I hope it is!

Author's Response: Long...probably tten to fifteen chapters. Glad you liked it! Kate

Reviewer: black sabathings
Date: 01/28/08 9:11
Chapter: Letters

Update sooooooon . I will be waiting. cant wait to read the rest of the story.

Reviewer: black sabathings
Date: 01/28/08 9:06
Chapter: Letters

The starting is really good. i just hope u continue like this.It is reeeeeeeeeeaaaaalllllyyyyy good.

Reviewer: HPLoverForever
Date: 01/27/08 23:54
Chapter: Letters

The idea of this story is very creative! It's a different approach to the whole James/Lily relationship, in a good way. :)

It might have been better to begin the story a little more in depth, as you start it off with dialog that seems like it would belong more in the middle of the chapter, given the way it's written. It takes a bit of reading to figure out what's going on.

Just a suggestion.... I would re-write this part:

He hated to break the rules in McGonagall’s class, because she was downright scary when she was mad, but since this was to help James, he was forcing himself to overcome his nervousness.

...and maybe make it more like this:

He hated to break the rules in McGonagall’s class, mainly because she was downright scary when she was mad. But, since this was to help James, he was forcing himself to overcome his nervousness and do what he had to do.

^ Just a suggestion, obviously doesn't have to follow through with it, but I think it sounds more smooth, where as when I originally read it I had to do a bit of a double read.

The Marauders bent their heads as Sirius quickly went over the assignments. Then the bell rang and they went into class.

This part sounds a bit plain. I would reword it slightly to make the sentence fluency not so choppy, and it will be much easier to read.

I like the way Remus wrote the letter. It doesn't necessarily sound like James, but then again, that's part of the point. :) Either way, it gets the point across, and it really does make him sound like a nice guy!

I'm excited to see where this story is going...you've got a good start already and I'm looking forward to seeing what Lily will do with the letter. :) Good job!

Reviewer: HPLoverForever
Date: 01/27/08 23:54
Chapter: Letters

The idea of this story is very creative! It's a different approach to the whole James/Lily relationship, in a good way. :)

It might have been better to begin the story a little more in depth, as you start it off with dialog that seems like it would belong more in the middle of the chapter, given the way it's written. It takes a bit of reading to figure out what's going on.

Just a suggestion.... I would re-write this part:

He hated to break the rules in McGonagall’s class, because she was downright scary when she was mad, but since this was to help James, he was forcing himself to overcome his nervousness.

...and maybe make it more like this:

He hated to break the rules in McGonagall’s class, mainly because she was downright scary when she was mad. But, since this was to help James, he was forcing himself to overcome his nervousness and do what he had to do.

^ Just a suggestion, obviously doesn't have to follow through with it, but I think it sounds more smooth, where as when I originally read it I had to do a bit of a double read.

The Marauders bent their heads as Sirius quickly went over the assignments. Then the bell rang and they went into class.

This part sounds a bit plain. I would reword it slightly to make the sentence fluency not so choppy, and it will be much easier to read.

I like the way Remus wrote the letter. It doesn't necessarily sound like James, but then again, that's part of the point. :) Either way, it gets the point across, and it really does make him sound like a nice guy!

I'm excited to see where this story is going...you've got a good start already and I'm looking forward to seeing what Lily will do with the letter. :) Good job!

Reviewer: HPLoverForever
Date: 01/27/08 23:54
Chapter: Letters

The idea of this story is very creative! It's a different approach to the whole James/Lily relationship, in a good way. :)

It might have been better to begin the story a little more in depth, as you start it off with dialog that seems like it would belong more in the middle of the chapter, given the way it's written. It takes a bit of reading to figure out what's going on.

Just a suggestion.... I would re-write this part:

He hated to break the rules in McGonagall’s class, because she was downright scary when she was mad, but since this was to help James, he was forcing himself to overcome his nervousness.

...and maybe make it more like this:

He hated to break the rules in McGonagall’s class, mainly because she was downright scary when she was mad. But, since this was to help James, he was forcing himself to overcome his nervousness and do what he had to do.

^ Just a suggestion, obviously doesn't have to follow through with it, but I think it sounds more smooth, where as when I originally read it I had to do a bit of a double read.

The Marauders bent their heads as Sirius quickly went over the assignments. Then the bell rang and they went into class.

This part sounds a bit plain. I would reword it slightly to make the sentence fluency not so choppy, and it will be much easier to read.

I like the way Remus wrote the letter. It doesn't necessarily sound like James, but then again, that's part of the point. :) Either way, it gets the point across, and it really does make him sound like a nice guy!

I'm excited to see where this story is going...you've got a good start already and I'm looking forward to seeing what Lily will do with the letter. :) Good job!

Reviewer: Nymphea
Date: 01/26/08 20:34
Chapter: Letters

ooh-scintillating ending! I can't wait to see where you take this.

Reviewer: pheonixfeather94
Date: 01/26/08 11:06
Chapter: Letters

ooohh! nice first chapter! very suspenseful. i loved the cliffie!

Reviewer: pheonixfeather94
Date: 01/26/08 11:05
Chapter: Letters

ooohh! nice first chapter! very suspenseful. i loved the cliffie!

Reviewer: tiger_lily821
Date: 01/26/08 6:58
Chapter: Letters

I love this story! the idea is new and interesting, and I can't wait to read the rest of it! this is definitely going in my favorites!

Reviewer: daffy
Date: 01/26/08 3:46
Chapter: Letters

hmmm... dis is new... and interesting ... i'l watch out for dis one for sure....
is it going to be a small fic or some novel type.... do lemme kno... if u've planned offcorse.

Author's Response: I'm thinking that it will be around ten to fifteen chapters. Glad you liked it! Kate

Reviewer: weasley__
Date: 01/25/08 23:45
Chapter: Letters

brilliant. :)

Reviewer: KASK
Date: 01/25/08 23:02
Chapter: Letters

This is an interesting start. I'm curious to see where you take it. I like the idea of a letter trail, but I do hope that James takes over the letters and it isn't Remus and Sirius the whole time.

I'll definitely keep an eye out for the next chapter!

I found one mistake:
"Much better then mine!”
'Then' should be 'than'.

Author's Response: James will take over the letters soon, I promise. Thanks so much for reading my story! Kate

Reviewer: snowey
Date: 01/25/08 22:23
Chapter: Letters

that's pretty funny, i wonder how this will turn out? pls keep writing!

Reviewer: x_GinnyPotter_x
Date: 01/25/08 20:44
Chapter: Letters

Ooh, this sounds fun! I can't wait to see how this plays out - a very unique idea, it should be interesting to see if Lily decideds to write back, and what happens if she does =) Keep writing!

You must login (register) to review.
Information
Find out everything you need to know about the site right here.


We have stories and authors in this archive.

:

RSS
Choose Theme:
SOCIAL MEDIA
     
MOST RECENT
Makers of Fine Wands by CanisMajor 1st-2nd Years
Ollivander of Croton arrives in Athens in 382 BC with big dreams, noneof which...
James and Me by Northumbrian 6th-7th Years
Annabel is having a bad day. Her sudden and unexpected meeting with a face from...
Tom Riddle and the Cave of Living Waters by alittletiefling 6th-7th Years
What would happen if Tom Marvolo Riddle had been adopted by well-meaning squibs?...
FEATURED
It Takes Two to Tango by lucca4 3rd-5th Years
They cannot keep doing this; it is only a matter of whose resolve will break...
In The Heat Of The Morning by welshdevondragon 3rd-5th Years
Summary: In the heat of the morning, Katie and Leanne lie in the grounds...
Can't Fight the Moonlight by Acacia Carter 6th-7th Years
A life-changing disaster at work drives Neville Longbottom to seek aid from...
The History Teacher by iLuna17 6th-7th Years
Maybe he didn’t just love history, maybe he loved being a history teacher.
white on white by Padfoot11333 6th-7th Years
Three vignettes about scars, love, and sex.
CATEGORIES