MuggleNet Fan Fiction
Harry Potter stories written by fans!
Reviews For No Escape

Name: Marauder by Midnight (Signed) · Date: 01/20/08 10:24 · For: Chapter 1
You certainly have a talent for writing, especially about such emotion. There were so many phrases here that simply fit so well together. The strong wind blew my blonde locks of hair away from my face as I slowly walked over to the cushioned bench, never taking my eyes off the rain pounding the ground. Although I was inside a warm house moments ago, somehow, I felt much warmer out here watching the rain.

Absolutely delightful paragraph. I very much love the music in these few words and the way they captivate the readers.

It's very hard to take an original character and couple her with a canon character and fully show the story in one chapter. I would like to see you continue this story as I am confused about what I just read. Your words were very enchanting and captivated me, which is why I would love to see this continued. But Amanda has a very heavy history that was not adequately portrayed in this one-shot. You hinted toward a few things, but not very directly. What I think you hinted toward might not be what you intend me to think. For example:

My lilac perfume, I thought. He likes the smell of lilacs. I put it on just for him.

I wasn't sure if the person referenced in this section was Draco or the unknown man Amanda loves. Either would make sense. Certainly, since her immediate thoughts after this was that she didn't want an arranged marriage, I would think it was referenced to the unknown man. But as I said, it could go either way.

...not wanting to even think about what was on my other hand. Well, wrist actually...
I thought Amanda was missing a hand. Because of the placement of wrist so close to hand, I would naturally assume that hand was to replace wrist. Imagine my surprise when Draco kissed Amanda's left hand. You never did specify what was on Amanda's wrist, if that's what you meant. If it was on her left hand, I could safely assume it is Amanda's wedding band. But something is on her wrist.

I am also quite confused by Draco's character. He's shown as very sweet and gentle and distant to Amanda during the wedding, but somehow Amanda notices him faking it when the hubbub of the marriage dies down. So what is Draco's role in this story? What does Amanda dread about him?

I was also very confused about what happened at the ceremony. At the end, Amanda feels herself crying, but nothing was happening. So why did she faint? I had expected some sort of Dark Arts, but you didn't go into that. Don't falsely lead us to think you're going to elaborate on something and then completely forget about the mysterious element.

In the end, I can't understand why telling Draco she doesn't love him would be serious enough that she might be killed for saying it. It doesn't seem in Draco's character to do so, at least, not in the Draco you've portrayed here.

When you are writing a story, please keep in mind that unless you convey your ideas clearly and comprehensively, readers may not understand what you are trying to say. I like the subtlety of your writing, but in this instance, it is too subtle. I'm not understanding this story under the context of the Harry Potter books (when is this happening) or under the development of Amanda's character (I know nothing about her only that she is sad). I would suggest that you continue this to the best of your ability and develop this into a rounder story. The theme of this story is well-put; I just don't think it was establish well enough.

Name: Sing Hallelujah (Signed) · Date: 01/16/08 13:35 · For: Chapter 1
Im not a fan but the writing was good and well thought out

Name: Lily_ Evans (Signed) · Date: 01/15/08 16:03 · For: Chapter 1
OMG! It's finally here! I love it dear, I simply adore it! But you know that already, do you? :) You know my thoughts about this fanfic! Hope to see more from you
~Your beloved Sophia :D:D:D

Name: Love_is_4ever (Signed) · Date: 01/14/08 18:09 · For: Chapter 1
Wow, Claire. That was wonderful. Very emotional and deep.

I love how you slowly showed Amanda's feelings. I love the scene with the rain. The rain disguising her tears, Draco enclosing her. It makes me feel that though it seems he doesn't love her, he does care about her. Or at least that was my impression.

Very good job, keep it up!


~ Samarie

You must login (register) to review.