Oh my gosh that was so sad

Im crying write now. this was an amazing story. You are such a brilliant writer.

...bravo.

Great. Great. Now I'm crying. Because of her last word. *sobs*

Haha, BRILLIANT! Bloody fucking brilliant!

had tears in my eyes...fantastic

I have a story that takes place at the same time as this one, so I was curious about your take and wanted to come review.

The way you start the story, with Lily simply knowing what was about to happen, was interesting. And terrible, of course. That would be unimaginably terrifying, I think.

Tall, strong, and brave, she trusted him more than anything in the world. This makes it sound like it's Lily who's tall, strong and brave. Maybe you could say 'Tall, strong, and brave, James had earned her trust more completely than anyone else in the world.'

The way James repeats Lily's name over and over, trying to get her to listen or trying to memorize her name before he'll never get to say it again, shows how desperate he is to save her. That, I think, is the saddest part - and then Lily probably makes it harder by pleading with him. So sad.

When Lily almost leaves, changes her mind, and so is there to see James die, that's just horrible. Impossible. And yet the way it had to be, with them dying together.

The shock of what she had just heard — the wooshing of life out of her husband — had numbed her to no extent. The word 'whooshing' seems very informal here, and 'to no extent' means 'not at all.' Maybe you could try: 'The shock of what she had just heard -- the life leaving her husband -- had numbed her completely.'

The visuals when Voldemort comes up the stairs, with Lily trying to shut the door, clinging to Harry, are perfect. What I think you could add that would make the ensuing dialogue even more effective is how Lily feels when asked to hand over her son. You have her numbness down excellently, but the thoughts she actually thinks about Harry himself aren't there at the beginning of her pleading. I would love to hear about that, too, hear the reason she gave her life for him, you know?

Oh, dear. We always know how this has to end, but it's hard every time. You did a lovely job incorporating all the backstory, the reason they were separated at the end, the reason neither got away. Thank you for sharing this story!

i LOVE this story!!! it almost made me cry!!!

i'm so glad you are back!

Great work, keep up the fantastic stories!

Absolutely wonderful.

I'm so happy you are back!!
Please post Seduced by the Toerag again even if you don't complete it (but it would be WONDERFUL if you do!). You're a great writer!

Yay! I'm so glad you're back! I loved your 3 original stories...and then they disappeared. But now you're back. Excited!!