I swear, everytime I read this story I get that happy feelign again that you were the one to write my Sirius. You do such a great job with him and Victoria is the perfect foil for his bigger than life personality.
I not only nominated it for an award in the RQSQ, but it's getting my vote too.
And, thanks again for such a wonderful gift!
In case you were wondering why I was leaving this second review... It's because I'm nominating this as the top story in the OMR/Most Squeeful in the RQSQ... Just thought you ought to know.
Great starting =] I liked how you showed Sirius being all bored, remarking on it, and the girl sitting next to him passing a sarcastic comment. It catches Sirius off attention since he isn't used to girls responding to him in that manner.
She was very ordinary.
A very straight forward sentence, but I like it for quite a few reasons.
First, the herione of the story doesn't always have to all beautiful. Lily's beautiful, Ginny's considered attractive too, but Sirius' love is just ordinary. Good.
It also shows how Sirius used to think about Victoria in the beginning. It portrays his thoughts about her when he just sees her and doesn't know her. It makes them ending up together more believable, that good looks aren't all that
important. It's the personality that mainly counts.
It's nice that Sirius is interested in her and starts asking her random questions after every few days break. And even though in the beginning she's sort of cold [and maybe wary?], she starts warming up to him, and they become friends. Kind of. And how Sirius is on denial until the whole scene at Hogsmeade.
The riddle was very appropriate, by the way. I think I should check out that site sooner or later. Anyway, I myself couldn't guess the answer until the clue about it being a four letter word was given. Then it was obvious-- love. Lol. But I still wanted to confirm, and when I reread the riddle, it made perfect sense.
The ending was perfect! How both of them realise their love for each other and end up kissing.
In short, it was a very well written one shot. I really liked it! =]
I've decided that however much I may... dislike Sirius, this story deserves a better review than I gave it. It is an absolutely lovely portrayal of how sometimes people aren't quite as they are often perceived.
This story has stayed with me, I think, because it was a very creative idea and I applaud you for it *applauds*. This review isn't turning out to be very much more helpful than my last, but it does say a bit more about *why* I enjoyed this. As I mentioned, Sirius is far from my favourite character, but this was too sweet not to enjoy. Well done!
i like your stories about sirius, they're very good. please do write more.
That was a really good story, I loved it. =]
Author's Response: Thanks so much!
Aww, I love this!!! Soooo cute, but not in a fluffy or overly-romantic way. Great job!
Author's Response: Thanks so much!
Oh yes, I definitely loved it. You are a very talented writer. I'm much more the reader than the writer, which depresses me at times. Maybe one day I will write the next great [American] novel...but I'm not going to hold my breath! Perhaps it will be you, but you'll have to leave a little note in the dedication to your fanfic readers so I'll know it's you!
Author's Response: Aw, thanks! I had fun writing this fic. I hope you do write the next great American novel, dear. You could write some fanfiction to practise!
Author's Response: I just noticed this is your second review! >.< Thanks so much for reviewing every time time you read something.
This is a sweet story. The thing I like best is that their relationship develops slowly and nicely, nothing weird or rushed about it. I also like that Sirius, though arrogant in some ways, has enough in him to see through the girls who want him simply for his looks and “fame”.
“Sirius Black,” she finished for me. “Every girl in the school knows who you are.” Her voice was so matter-of-fact, it was strange.
And I like that Victoria/Tori is not affected by Sirius’s reputation. She comes to like him, of course, but she’s very down-to-earth—a nice challenge for Sirius.
I just read your Author’s Page, by the way, and I’m astounded that you’re only sixteen. You write amazingly well for someone so young. (All I wrote at sixteen was absolute rubbish.) The characters are great, and the dialogue, and so on…really good job.
“Your Gryffindor fangirls all love to use that title. They use it like you’re all gods,” she explained, looking incredibly smug.
And this I like because Victoria ceases to be lofty and above—she is superior in this moment, but her smugness brings her back to a human level. And it’s cute, because I can picture this.
She stopped laughing abruptly at the use of her nickname. I just realised that it was the first time in nearly two months that I hadn’t called her Victoria.
I like the sentiment, but I think it might work better restated. This form (“first time in nearly two months”) is one I tend to think of for following an argument. I’d suggest “I realised that it was the first time I’d ever called her by her nickname.” Or something similar.
A tall, blonde girl who was looking at me as if she wanted nothing more than to snog me. I felt my face begin to twist in disgust, and quickly turned away.
I know that I said earlier that I liked how Sirius is turned off by girls who don’t really know him. However, I feel that it would be too much of a good thing if he didn’t at least consider those girls in a physical sense…maybe a mention of how he’d tried them before, or how he gets bored when trying to date them.
I felt some eyes one me, but I had a feeling the eagle wouldn’t let me out if I tried.
Ha! Sirius actually considers attempting to escape. I find this amusing. Oh—“some eyes one me”—I think that’s supposed to be “on me”; you have an extra E in there.
It’s cute that Sirius was so determined—and only because she looked unhappy, too!—that he sat outside of the common room for so long. I just realized that not using a typical password does potentially allow anyone in; it’s cool that no one else ever has.
Good job! This is a different view of Sirius, a much more human one. I really like Victoria. Definitely keep writing; I’m sure you’re going to turn out some really amazing stuff as you keep growing as a writer.
Funnily enough it wasn't fragmented like I thought it would be. You're a very good author.
Author's Response: Thanks! I'm glad you liked it!
i like the 'Honestly, I had never met anyone with such an expressive face.' thing.
all up, its really cute.
Author's Response: Aw, thanks! I'm glad you liked it!
I think that may be one of my favorite of your fanfics! It was really cute and I really liked how you just made little glimpses of their classroom conversations to start off with. It's how you would write in your diary, it's like a movie sequence. It showed the passage of time and how you do get to know someone in such a short discourse if you really try. Anyway, great job! I really, really liked this!
Author's Response: Really? That's a high compliment! Thank you! I wanted to have all the little conversations to show how their relationship grew over a couple months, instead of it being a stupid "love at first sight" type of thing. Thanks again!
Oh my God, Alison! That was great! I really loved this fic. Your characterisation is - like always - near perfect. I loved how Sirius fell in lvoe with her for being her and nto for her looks. It's refreshing after the tiresome cliché that he's a ladies-man.
Author's Response: Aw, thanks! I don't like fics where Sirius can't seem to fall in love with anyone unless they're gorgeous, so Victoria became just average—but with a great personality! Thanks for the review, Samarie!
Hey, Alison! I just read this fic and I've totally fallen in love with it. Great job on both your OC and Sirius. Sometimes I wished you'd shown Sirius' friends a bit more. But of course, this fic is about Victoria and Sirius, so you couldn't possibly have included them =D
Great work! *squishes*
Author's Response: The Marauders didn't play a part in this fic, and I think that was important because it shows Sirius obviously couldn't have been influenced by his friends at all, and he fell for Victoria completely on his own. Thanks for the review!!
I really liked this story. One of my favorite things was the reaction you mentioned when James pointed out Sally. I think it made Sirius seem like he had a heart, ratherthan just being the "player" of the group.
Author's Response: Thanks! Sirius only had eyes for Victoria after a while, as much as he might've denied it! ^_~
Oh my God it's great.
Author's Response: Thanks!!
That was so cute! I really liked Victoria. She seems like the type of girl who could actually get Sirius. I can see him being intruged by someone like her (which he was). The idea was very cute. Great job!
Author's Response: Thanks so much! I think Sirius needs someone he can talk to like Victoria.
I was sooo happy the first time I read this. You were the perfect person to write my Sirius. You write him the way I see him and I love you for it!
Re-reading it now, it just gets better. I know I told you before how much I loved it, and now I'm telling all your other reviewers too. I love this so much.
Thank you so much for such a wonderful Christmas present and I hope everyone else likes it too.
Author's Response: Thanks so much! Did I mention how glad I was that I got your name to write about — I love any excuse to write Sirius! I'm SO glad you like it!!! *hugs*