First off, I like the transitions between chapters; the two chapters flow very nicely together, which always seems to be a hard thing to accomplish. Or maybe that’s just me.
Already, I’m rather fond of Marlaina. And yes, as I’m sure you already noticed, I get fond of characters very easily. I find her whole Hogwarts’ romance with Gerald very adorable. Truthfully, it reminds me a lot of James and Lily’s romance in school. But I tend to make weird connections…
I’m telling you, Callie, women were not meant to give birth to three children at a time. It’s a conspiracy, this whole pregnancy thing. Here I am, a young bride, expecting to give birth to one baby, one, and the next thing I know, I’m six months pregnant and the Healer tells me I’m having three. It’s just unfair.
This is my favourite section in the entire chapter. I think you captured the frustrated-new-mother thing very nicely. I’m especially fond of the ‘It’s just unfair,’ bit. The dialogue between Marlaina adds some much needed humour which mixes with the seriousness of Callie’s search for her mother.
And this brings me to the triplets. The three T’s. I really like how all three of their names start with a T. It enhances the fact that they are triplets -although not identical triplets-, and makes the reader laugh. I can just imagine a scene where three havoc wreaking toddlers are left with a babysitter who has no control over them what-so-ever. And while they’re destroying the house, the babysitter would be shouting, “Taryn! Teresa! Whoever you are!”
I actually really like the idea of Lily being pregnant in Hogwarts, which at this point seems to be the only solution to Callie’s last name being Evans. Unless she’s Petunia’s daughter, in which case I feel an extreme amount of remorse for her. Although, I can’t help but wonder at the possible ways to make it fit into canon, without slapping AU onto it. To me, it’s perfectly plausible that Lily would wrap her stomach or just wear baggy robes or something. After all, isn’t that what a lot of teenage pregnancies do now-a-days? And I suppose it’s possible that James might now have even known, but I would assume that he would… So, James could have told Sirius and they kept it between the three of them and Lily’s father. Maybe even Petunia didn’t know. Have you picked up on my abnormal curiosity levels yet? =]
Overall, I think this bunny has a lot of potential. Keep up the wonderful writing.
Author's Response: Haha, thanks, I loved writing the bit with Marlaina; I like adding some humor in with the mix, it makes it more fun to write =] Actually, the pregnancy isn't the reason it's AU--there's just a small detail in later chapters I have planned that doesn't fit in with canon, but it's really necessary to the story. Thanks for your review! =]
I find this incredibly interesting. I’m really curious to see how Lily ties into all of this. The obvious thing would be for her to be Callie’s birth-mother, yet at the same time, I could see you completely switching that on us, and Lily just be someone that helps her find her birth-mother. Or maybe that’s what you want us to think… And yes, I always over think things. And ramble. A lot.
I’m really curious about background information, and I almost wish you had included more of it. The main thing I’m wondering about is the orphanage (which I suppose we’ll find out about in later chapters since it’s vital information) and Callie’s mother. Her adopted mother, that is.
I’m already really fond of Callie’s adopted mother; although I have a feeling we’re not going to be seeing much more of her. I love how careful her mother treats her; how she wants Callie to be happy, yet at the same time she wants to keep her daughter. I have a feeling that’s an internal argument the majority of parents with adopted children have to face.
They were, of course, wizards like you, and went to Hogwarts themselves
Now, this is where my curiosity level for the orphanage spikes. This sentence leads me to believe that it was a magical orphanage, since Callie’s mother knows that her real parents went to Hogwarts. After all, I would highly doubt that the magical adopted parents would tell some random Muggles that their daughter was magically. The people at the adoption agency would have thought them mad and no doubt wouldn’t have believed them. So, if Callie’s mother adopted her from a magical orphanage, then she must be magical too. I am just thinking out loud here.
I turned to go, then murmured, “I think I’ve got time for one more cup of tea, if that’s alright with you.”
Just a small nit-pick here. Alright actually isn’t a word. The correct spelling is all right. You’d be surprised at how common a mistake it is.
Maybe they were meant to be, and had I not come along, they would still be together, living life without the nagging thought of the daughter they decided they didn’t want to keep.
I adore this sentence. It gives the reader a good look at her personality, which I think is absolutely necessary. This sentence also gives us a look into Callie’s mind, which is always a fun adventure.
Overall, you have a very unique plot bunny on your hands, and I’m curious to see how it grows and how you handle it.
Author's Response: Wow, long review =] Callie's adoptive mother will actually show up in future chapters...she plays an important role in the next few, actually. In terms of Callie's adoptive mother knowing her birth parents were wizards, I wrote that section intending it to seem as though she doesn't *really* know, but she's sort of groping around, looking for information to give Callie. Her adoptive mother is, incidentally, a muggle, so all of her knowledge on the subject is pretty much one huge assumption and wasn't obtained from the orphanage. Now you've pointed it out, though, I may go back and edit that section just so that's a little more evident. In terms of "alright," I only use that in dialogue, much like 'wanna' or 'gonna'--if I were to write it out in description, it would be 'all right'; it's just slurred together in dialogue. Anyway, thanks for the review! =]
i really like it!
can't wait!
Author's Response: thanks!
good story!! i'm assuming from the title that callie's birth mother is lily...?
Author's Response: Well, the title does make it a bit obvious that Lily plays an important role in the story. You'll find out for sure who her birth mother is in the next few chapters. =] Thanks for your review!
ooo this story is pretty good!
And this is the first review! even better I'd say. :)
Who's your beta? (sorry I'm being nosey now)
~x~
Author's Response: Thanks! I'm hoping it'll get better; not much happens in this chapter. I actually don't use a beta; it's just me =] Thanks for reviewing!
