First off, I like the transitions between chapters; the two chapters flow very nicely together, which always seems to be a hard thing to accomplish. Or maybe thatís just me.
Already, Iím rather fond of Marlaina. And yes, as Iím sure you already noticed, I get fond of characters very easily. I find her whole Hogwartsí romance with Gerald very adorable. Truthfully, it reminds me a lot of James and Lilyís romance in school. But I tend to make weird connectionsÖ
Iím telling you, Callie, women were not meant to give birth to three children at a time. Itís a conspiracy, this whole pregnancy thing. Here I am, a young bride, expecting to give birth to one baby, one, and the next thing I know, Iím six months pregnant and the Healer tells me Iím having three. Itís just unfair.
This is my favourite section in the entire chapter. I think you captured the frustrated-new-mother thing very nicely. Iím especially fond of the ĎItís just unfair,í bit. The dialogue between Marlaina adds some much needed humour which mixes with the seriousness of Callieís search for her mother.
And this brings me to the triplets. The three Tís. I really like how all three of their names start with a T. It enhances the fact that they are triplets -although not identical triplets-, and makes the reader laugh. I can just imagine a scene where three havoc wreaking toddlers are left with a babysitter who has no control over them what-so-ever. And while theyíre destroying the house, the babysitter would be shouting, ďTaryn! Teresa! Whoever you are!Ē
I actually really like the idea of Lily being pregnant in Hogwarts, which at this point seems to be the only solution to Callieís last name being Evans. Unless sheís Petuniaís daughter, in which case I feel an extreme amount of remorse for her. Although, I canít help but wonder at the possible ways to make it fit into canon, without slapping AU onto it. To me, itís perfectly plausible that Lily would wrap her stomach or just wear baggy robes or something. After all, isnít that what a lot of teenage pregnancies do now-a-days? And I suppose itís possible that James might now have even known, but I would assume that he wouldÖ So, James could have told Sirius and they kept it between the three of them and Lilyís father. Maybe even Petunia didnít know. Have you picked up on my abnormal curiosity levels yet? =]
Overall, I think this bunny has a lot of potential. Keep up the wonderful writing.
Author's Response: Haha, thanks, I loved writing the bit with Marlaina; I like adding some humor in with the mix, it makes it more fun to write =] Actually, the pregnancy isn't the reason it's AU--there's just a small detail in later chapters I have planned that doesn't fit in with canon, but it's really necessary to the story. Thanks for your review! =]
I find this incredibly interesting. Iím really curious to see how Lily ties into all of this. The obvious thing would be for her to be Callieís birth-mother, yet at the same time, I could see you completely switching that on us, and Lily just be someone that helps her find her birth-mother. Or maybe thatís what you want us to thinkÖ And yes, I always over think things. And ramble. A lot.
Iím really curious about background information, and I almost wish you had included more of it. The main thing Iím wondering about is the orphanage (which I suppose weíll find out about in later chapters since itís vital information) and Callieís mother. Her adopted mother, that is.
Iím already really fond of Callieís adopted mother; although I have a feeling weíre not going to be seeing much more of her. I love how careful her mother treats her; how she wants Callie to be happy, yet at the same time she wants to keep her daughter. I have a feeling thatís an internal argument the majority of parents with adopted children have to face.
They were, of course, wizards like you, and went to Hogwarts themselves
Now, this is where my curiosity level for the orphanage spikes. This sentence leads me to believe that it was a magical orphanage, since Callieís mother knows that her real parents went to Hogwarts. After all, I would highly doubt that the magical adopted parents would tell some random Muggles that their daughter was magically. The people at the adoption agency would have thought them mad and no doubt wouldnít have believed them. So, if Callieís mother adopted her from a magical orphanage, then she must be magical too. I am just thinking out loud here.
I turned to go, then murmured, ďI think Iíve got time for one more cup of tea, if thatís alright with you.Ē
Just a small nit-pick here. Alright actually isnít a word. The correct spelling is all right. Youíd be surprised at how common a mistake it is.
Maybe they were meant to be, and had I not come along, they would still be together, living life without the nagging thought of the daughter they decided they didnít want to keep.
I adore this sentence. It gives the reader a good look at her personality, which I think is absolutely necessary. This sentence also gives us a look into Callieís mind, which is always a fun adventure.
Overall, you have a very unique plot bunny on your hands, and Iím curious to see how it grows and how you handle it.
Author's Response: Wow, long review =] Callie's adoptive mother will actually show up in future chapters...she plays an important role in the next few, actually. In terms of Callie's adoptive mother knowing her birth parents were wizards, I wrote that section intending it to seem as though she doesn't *really* know, but she's sort of groping around, looking for information to give Callie. Her adoptive mother is, incidentally, a muggle, so all of her knowledge on the subject is pretty much one huge assumption and wasn't obtained from the orphanage. Now you've pointed it out, though, I may go back and edit that section just so that's a little more evident. In terms of "alright," I only use that in dialogue, much like 'wanna' or 'gonna'--if I were to write it out in description, it would be 'all right'; it's just slurred together in dialogue. Anyway, thanks for the review! =]
i really like it!
Author's Response: thanks!
good story!! i'm assuming from the title that callie's birth mother is lily...?
Author's Response: Well, the title does make it a bit obvious that Lily plays an important role in the story. You'll find out for sure who her birth mother is in the next few chapters. =] Thanks for your review!
ooo this story is pretty good!
And this is the first review! even better I'd say. :)
Who's your beta? (sorry I'm being nosey now)
Author's Response: Thanks! I'm hoping it'll get better; not much happens in this chapter. I actually don't use a beta; it's just me =] Thanks for reviewing!