Reviews For Sleigh Bells
Reviewer: cmbluey98
Date: 01/02/11 17:29
Chapter: Sleigh Bells

k wait i missed somthing i though Victoire was married!!!! to alex or whatever his name was!!

Reviewer: jenny b
Date: 03/22/08 22:28
Chapter: Sleigh Bells

This was absolutely beautiful. You wrote Teddy very well. You portrayed his emotions brilliantly. They were very realistic, and I feel like I know him now!

Your style of writing is amazing. I like how you tend to use short, incomplete sentences, because it puts emphasis on every sentence, and it lets the words sink into your mind better. The repetition from one sentence to the next is a fabulous tool to use, and you pulled it off very well.

Sure Ana was exotic, if exotic meant not being able to carry a conversation.

I loved Teddy’s humour. Even when he was upset, or angry, he still made me laugh. It reminded me of Tonks a little. I think you did very well at characterising him. I could see a bit of both of his parents in him, but not too much that he was just a clone. Well done!

Did those words make sense to anyone but him?

This part confused me. With the paragraph in front of it, I think it should be her.

The interaction between Teddy and Victoire was lovely. Even with their open hostility at the beginning, you could see the chemistry between them. It was like they couldn’t stop loving each other, no matter what happened to them.

Your dialogue was really good. It was very real, but still romantic. I absolutely loved the part: ”So I got transferred and didn’t look back. I should have looked back.” :]

That whole speech by Teddy was wonderful, though. It was like all the thoughts he had had in the past few years were just pouring out, and he couldn’t get his apologies out quick enough.

This was a gorgeous story, and I look forward to reading more of yours.

~Jennifer

Author's Response: Thank you! I'll take your suggestions. This story needs a little work. I'm glad you enjoyed it, though!

Reviewer: Starmaiden
Date: 03/22/08 22:27
Chapter: Sleigh Bells

What a sweet story! It’s way past Christmas now, but still worth enjoying. 

Your opening line is a good hook, and your first paragraph does a good job of holding the reader. I have a couple of suggestions; it took me two readings to understand that Teddy starts by talking about his Metamorphing and goes on to talk about who he “really” is. I’d suggest noting that it’s his appearance he can change at will, because it does sound a little like he can change his personality on demand. 

I was a little thrown by this: I always knew what I wanted… I wanted my parents… Because they could have told me who I was supposed to be. First of all, it’s a little dangerous to let anyone but yourself defineyou are—maybe you know this and Teddy just doesn’t. 

The other thing is that this paragraph is aiming for the last line, but the rest of the paragraph doesn’t seem to fit. Teddy talks about how he wants his parents and misses them…because they could have defined him. You seem to be chasing two points with this paragraph; it would probably be less confusing if it only had one. 

I could have easily Apparated back, but there was something about a train.

I like that. It’s one of those random quirks that help make characters into believable people. 

The memories with Andromeda are lovely. Yes, they are set up to showcase Teddy’s relationship with Victoire and Ana, but I love just that Andromeda is there. In bringing her to life, you bring out Teddy’s background. 

It evaporated as soon as the December air hit it, but it still felt like there was a rock in my stomach.
The use of “it” like this makes it sound like his sweat is a rock in his stomach :) 

So I went to the second place that came to mind. The Potter’s.
That should be Potters’

Victoire closed her eyes, probably hoping for something better than that. Truth was, I was hoping for something better too.

I like that. I’m not sure if Teddy means he wanted to say something better or he wanted a better relationship, but either way, I like that he admits his inadequacies, that he needs much more than what he’s got. 

“Actually, Theresa is twenty-nine.”

That sure made me jump—but I laughed when I understood. Good job giving Victoire a sense of humour. It’s also perfectly placed. Victoire manages to use it to completely throw Teddy, whose lack of a sense of humour fits well with his current situation. 

Question, though—Teddy’s first thought here is that Theresa is (supposedly) older than he himself. By five years? I don’t dispute the first part; however, it might be more logical to count from James’ age up; unless Teddy also counts the years between James and himself. 

I'm not sure how Victoire and Teddy know that it’s his Santa hat. What makes it different from one worn by, say, Harry? 

"When we were together, men hit on me all the time. They thought I was something."
Do men no longer hit on her now that she’s alone? Has losing Teddy done something to her looks? If Teddy’s presence doesn’t make a difference, you might want to say so. 

The last paragraph is my favorite one. It’s quick, condensed, has character moments (I love that James introduces his girl while still staring at her!), and it’s cute. 

Good job on a sweet story!



Author's Response: Wow! Thank you for the amazing review! I'll definitely take your suggestions and definitely change the "Potter's" mistake *blushes*. Thank you again!

Reviewer: gingercat
Date: 01/23/08 0:25
Chapter: Sleigh Bells

What a cutie Teddy is. The "KIDS" are great. Would like to read more stories about them.

Author's Response: Thanks! I hope to write more stories about them!

Reviewer: DracosBaby_232
Date: 01/21/08 7:45
Chapter: Sleigh Bells

Bravo. It's sweet, charming, cute, and cheesey at the same time................... I love it!

Author's Response: Thanks! I hope not too cheesy though. :D

Reviewer: lily_death_flower
Date: 01/11/08 14:23
Chapter: Sleigh Bells

that was soo sweet and cute loved it.

Author's Response: Thanks!

Reviewer: aussigirl
Date: 01/09/08 21:13
Chapter: Sleigh Bells

Oh My God!! Really, really cute!

Author's Response: Thanks!

Reviewer: cassie123
Date: 01/09/08 0:30
Chapter: Sleigh Bells

this is so cute. good job!
i loved it

Author's Response: Thanks!

Reviewer: REMi iS AWESOME
Date: 01/07/08 16:05
Chapter: Sleigh Bells

monstrously cute!! Loved every minute of it11 axtally this is my first Victoire/Teddy fic and you totally set the amaezement factor!!

Author's Response: :D Thank you!

Reviewer: heartachin4harry
Date: 01/06/08 21:52
Chapter: Sleigh Bells

Oh, this is sooooooooo cute. I love it!!!

Author's Response: Thank you!

Reviewer: PheonixAnimagus
Date: 01/06/08 20:26
Chapter: Sleigh Bells

"It wasnít until recently did I realise that it never mattered; I could have changed all I wanted but it didnít make a hell of a difference. Not when I didnít know who I wanted to be."
Amazing prose. I love this story. A LOT. please write a sequel??? you're awesome! fave author!

Author's Response: Thank you! I don't know if I'll write a sequal, but expect more Teddy/Victoire. I love the pair!

Reviewer: MagicalMaddie331
Date: 01/06/08 18:17
Chapter: Sleigh Bells

This is quite an original idea. You've done well characterizing Teddy and Victoire. I didn't see any grammar errors at all. The last paragraph is my favorite part, it was all very lovely and very nice. Good job!

Author's Response: Thank you! But I can't take credit for the lack of grammatical errors, that was all my beta. :]

Reviewer: Hermione Clone
Date: 01/06/08 17:10
Chapter: Sleigh Bells

Very sweet! I'm glad Teddy and Victorie were able to work things out. Great job!

Author's Response: Thank you!

You must login (register) to review.
Information
Find out everything you need to know about the site right here.


We have stories and authors in this archive.

:

RSS
Choose Theme:
SOCIAL MEDIA
     
MOST RECENT
Harry Potter and the Sinister Plot by weasley-malfoy-aficionado 3rd-5th Years
Patrolling the streets of Hogsmeade one snowy day Ron encounters an unexpected...
Out of the Blue by Secret Marauder 90 1st-2nd Years
This story weaves the tale of James and Lily from the day they met right up...
Have You No Idea That You're In Deep by littlebird Professors
"The problem, as Harry sees it, is he simply wasn't prepared."
FEATURED
Come Home by WrenWinterSong 1st-2nd Years
Three year old Teddy Lupin ponders the photographs on the living room side table.
But You Haven't Lost Me Yet by Dawnie 6th-7th Years
The war with Voldemort comes and goes, and James and Lily find themselves struggling...
broken brights by Padfoot11333 1st-2nd Years
Harry's breath catches when he thinks of Ginny. I am not JK Rowling and...
CATEGORIES