MuggleNet Fan Fiction
Harry Potter stories written by fans!

Name: GreenForest81 (Signed) · Date: 06/17/08 8:06 · For: No Longer the Enemy
Awww, he fixed her. That is saying something, looks like the young Draco is growing up and changing for the better.
Every chapter gets better!!!!!!!

Author's Response: His experiences have definitely made him grow up a bit, not so concerned with humiliating those he doesn't agree with. :-)

Name: GreenForest81 (Signed) · Date: 06/17/08 8:05 · For: Fire Meets Ice
Battling lingering feelings for Harry. Poor Ginny.
Great chapter!!!!

Author's Response: The mirror never lies! Thank you for the review! :-)

Name: GreenForest81 (Signed) · Date: 06/17/08 8:04 · For: Intrusion on a Family Moment
I guess the graceful Malfoy isn't always so graceful. LOL. Awesome chapter. Ginny seems very concerned for her brother. Very touching. I love it.

Author's Response: Haha, and he always seems so concerned with his appearance, I love to make him seem a little clumsy and not so in control. Thank you for reading!

Name: Merlynne (Signed) · Date: 06/12/08 21:43 · For: Intrusion on a Family Moment
I really enjoyed how you rationalized Draco's perspectives of right and wrong and related them to the world he'd grown up in. Great work!

Author's Response: Thank you for the review! Draco's idealisms was definitely a little tricky to make sure they worked out, so I'm glad you thought they came off well. :-)

Name: x0BOO0x (Signed) · Date: 06/12/08 13:09 · For: The Beginning of Regret
I love how quickly you update this story. D/G is one of my favorite pairings- I always get excited when I see a new stroy featuring them as a pairing! Great job!

Author's Response: Thank you so much! D/G pairings are definitely a guilty pleasure of mine. As cute as H/G pairings are, there's just something about the sweet and innocent redhead being matched with the possible Death Eater with an attitude problem that's just too much fun. ;-)

Name: snpdrgn (Signed) · Date: 06/11/08 13:27 · For: A Fear Impartial to Purity of Blood
So far so good, but your chapters are too short!  I'm hooked.  The Draco you describe is very believable!

Author's Response: Thank you! Man, my chapters are too short. They seemed long enough at the time I started posting, but once you see them online, deffinitely too short. As a side project I've been working on lengthening the really short ones, so hopefully you'll see some updates with that sometime in the future! Thank you for reading!

Name: life_lemons (Signed) · Date: 06/11/08 13:22 · For: A Fear Impartial to Purity of Blood
That was great. Really dramatic. I love how you DIDN'T leave us with a cliffie.

Author's Response: LOL, but cliffie's are so fun sometimes... but not for the reader. :-P

Name: life_lemons (Signed) · Date: 06/09/08 21:12 · For: Dying Prejudice
wow!!!!! two chapters in one day? You're amazing!!!

Author's Response: Haha, I try, it helps when the mods are working extra hard! :-)

Name: life_lemons (Signed) · Date: 06/09/08 14:55 · For: Another Door Shut
This story is amazingly well written, but I have one criticism. The title makes it seem like it will be about Ginny's choice, but so far the story has been almost w=excusively about Draco. I'm not complainig. I love this point of veiw, but it would be nice to see more of Ginny's problems.

Author's Response: Thank you for your opinion, I love the criticisms, it allows me to make my story better! :-) The last several chapters I guess I've been molding Draco into someone Ginny could fall in love with, breaking him down and allowing her to fix him, and her conflicts will come in later. Much drama to come! ;-)

Name: mock_turtle (Signed) · Date: 06/09/08 0:18 · For: Fire Meets Ice
I find it very interesting that you use the mirror of erised. cool!

Author's Response: Thank you, I'm glad you thought it worked out well!

Name: kathryn_malfoy (Signed) · Date: 06/08/08 7:47 · For: Secret Needs
This story is soooo amazing. You must update soon!

Author's Response: Thank you so much, I'm glad you like it!

Name: siriusblack36 (Signed) · Date: 05/27/08 20:20 · For: The Beginning of Regret
that god i love how you used the quotes from the book to

Author's Response: Haha, it's all based off the books, so why not? :-)

Name: Tariel (Signed) · Date: 05/25/08 2:32 · For: No Longer the Enemy
What happens next?

Author's Response: Thank you for reading! You shall see! :-)

Name: Tariel (Signed) · Date: 05/21/08 0:39 · For: Fire Meets Ice
Very interestin. What happens next?

Name: CowGirlHPFan (Signed) · Date: 05/19/08 21:59 · For: Fire Meets Ice
Nice. I look forward to more. :D

Author's Response: I'm so glad you like it, thank you for reading!!

Name: CowGirlHPFan (Signed) · Date: 05/18/08 22:27 · For: Confessions of a Traitor
Nice. Very interesting....I look forward to more:D

Name: Richelle (Signed) · Date: 03/29/08 0:25 · For: The Beginning of Regret
I'm officially excited. I know I've already read it, but it's better seeing it here than in a word document on my screen. ^_^

Author's Response: That's very true, I can't wait for my next chapter to finally be up! I PMed my mod to see where I'm at on the list, so I get an idea of when my story'll be up. We'll see... :-)

Name: NorthernPhoenix (Signed) · Date: 02/13/08 11:16 · For: The Beginning of Regret
Looking forward to the next chapter!

Author's Response: Thank you! It's been in the queue for quite awhile, so I will have to bear with the mods. I look foward to everyone's reviews once it's up!

Name: Roommate of the Quillster (Signed) · Date: 01/27/08 13:20 · For: The Beginning of Regret
This is a wonderful AU interpretation of Draco! And, I must confess, typically Draco is one of my least favorite characters, but I really admire the way you wrote his determination at the end.

Throughout the story, you characterized Draco very well. You seemed to capture his every thought and emotion clearly and consistently. He never seemed out of character or jumbled in your story, and that was a lovely treat.

It was sentences like, “He was in no position to think, just to do what he was told.” And “the sight of his childhood home spawned more dread than his father could ever have created throughout the years,” that really brought the tone of Draco into your story.

However, in the first half of your story, there are pieces or sentences that have completely different tones, and I think it has to do with your word choice. For example, reading the first paragraph written by you, there are so many descriptive words to set the dramatic tone to the piece that it’s a bit overwhelming for one paragraph:

Upon hearing Snape’s order to run, Draco released a renewed spurt of energy, pumping his legs so hard he was sure they would catch fire. The young Malfoy couldn’t imagine a worse situation. He had failed the Dark Lord for a third time, and this time his baby-sitter had to finish the job for him. After the cursed necklace and the poisoned mead, he knew he could no longer stall a face to face with Dumbledore. He had surely sealed his fate when he hesitated to curse the ill-fated headmaster after first disarming him at the top of the astronomy tower. Instead, he stalled, allowing the old man to feed on his doubts and fears. Dumbledore had seen right through his weaknesses and had played them to his advantage, keeping Draco from succeeding.

Rather than using adjectives or adverbs to describe everything you possibly can, sometimes the sentences will flow better together and the reader will still understand how intense the moment is if you leave some of the words out. This paragraph would be just as effective if you cut out words like for a third time, ill-fated, no longer stall a face to face, feed on his doubts and fears.

Some of those phrases like “no longer stall a face to face” are descriptive, but don’t necessarily make sense in the flow of the writing. Also, I’m not sure it’s in Dumbledore’s character to “feed on doubts and fears,” but that’s my personal opinion. It sounds more like something evil characters do.

And then again in this sentence you say, they would laugh as they chucked him into Azkaban if he tried to claim that Dumbledore offered to protect him from Voldemort. And “chucked him into” is so slang that it’s a bit startling to read in your formally-set up broken-Draco piece.

Other than word choice, be careful of where you put your phrases. This sentence: As Voldemort began the incantation, there was a scream and a sudden blur across the room of long blonde hair. Might be a bit clearer if it read: …there was a scream and a sudden blur of long blonde hair that streaked across the room.

The second half of your story from, “He was furious,” on, has a much more consistent and compelling tone to the story. It doesn’t just read, it entices you to read every word at an increasingly faster pace — eager to follow Draco’s determination and fears. Nice job on that.

red and puffy face as Draco began to fall flat on his back.

I’m not sure how one begins to fall flat on their back. Either they do fall flat on their back, or they begin to fall back, but I’m not sure how you begin to do the end result. ;)

Overall, I was very impressed with your story, especially the second half. I thought you did a great job with Draco and with keeping your reader involved in the story. Nice job! Keep on writing!

Author's Response: I've been considering tweaking this chapter a bit, and your insight will really help a lot with that! It's always helpful to hear other people's interpretations, because the way you've written may not be perceived quite the way you imagined in your head. Thank you!

Name: moonstargazer (Signed) · Date: 01/02/08 23:36 · For: The Beginning of Regret
Wow, How will Draco make out after seeing his mother die in front of him?
A sad tale, but very good....I Like it, and I look forward to the next chapter.

Author's Response: I've always liked the sad stories, I can really get into them. The next chapter'll be up soon, glad you liked it!

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