hurry up with the story. Its really good. However, some of the sentences don't flow well.
Very sad and touching story. I shed some tears as Harry said goodbye to the folks who gave their lives in the fight for Hogwarts. His undying love for those people was very moving, as well as his love for his three friends.
A wonderful story, and I look forward to the next chapter.
Wow, that was really good, CJ. Now we both are authors! Hey I finally got around to writing chapter two of mine, so you should check it out when you have time and let me know what you think. Keep up the good writing! :)
good chapter! *sniff*
such a sentimental chapter. i think i got really sad only when it was remus and tonks turn. i think its a little weird that he was hugging dead bodies, but that might just be me. good start to the story, i look forward to more!
this story is off to a brilliant start. You must have one amazing beta too because even I couldn't spot any mistakes! :P
How long do you think this fic will be? the best ones tend to be the longest and yours has so much potential to be a long one. :)
Author's Response: Thank you very much for the kind review! I actually submitted without a beta on a whim, fully expecting to get a note back from the admins saying I needed to fix something before they would post it. :o) Thanks again!
Wow, Chris. You did an excellent job with this story. I noticed some little grammatical errors in it, such as this one:
He looked into her eyes and whispered “Ginny Weasley, I love you, and am so happy to see you this morning”.
It should be this: 'He looked into her eyes and whispered, “Ginny Weasley, I love you, and am so happy to see you this morning.”
You kept them nicely IC the whole way through, though Harry did seem a little bit out of character when you made him cry when he saw Fred's body. In the books, Harry doesn't exactly cry, but you did make it pretty believable.
Please keep writing, Chris. You have a talent!
Author's Response: Thank you very much for the kind review, Victoria. I tried valiantly to catch all my grammar issues, but that one must have slipped through. :o) As far as Harry being slightly OC... in my mind, I think he has grown sufficiently through the books (and especially after DH) to be freer with his emotions. I could be wrong, but that is my take. :o) Maybe I will tone him down a little as I progress, and bring him more in-line with the canon Harry we all know and love. Thanks again for the review! -- TheJester
I think that this story has the makings of being something wonderful, but I have one small crit. I think that the dramatic speeches and such that the characters say aren't really IC. They seem too thought out, too wise for something spur of the moment, and they are only teenagers, even if they have seen a lot. While I think these speeches are perfect in essentials, I do not think it IC for the characters to say them - they would think them, sure, but things like this:
“I can never thank the two of you enough. You stuck by me, all the way through the end. I don’t think I would have survived without you… in fact, I am confident I would have stood little chance. You were both brilliant, and you have my undying gratitude and love.”
I think that would have worked well if you had just stopped at "I don't think I would have survived without you," and just had Harry think the rest. It's not really quite like Harry to wear his heart on his sleeves like that, and those speeches plus the constant crying seem a little odd.
Apart from that (Yes, I know, it's just me being fussy;-) ), I cannot wait to read more, and I find your story pretty darn believable. ;)
Author's Response: Thanks for the kind review, Evie! When I read your review (and others) I too noticed that Harry was a little OC. In my mind (as stated in my previous response) Harry has grown enough to be freer with his emotions through the series. However, I may work to bring him more IC as the story progresses. Thanks again for the review! -- TheJester
I really like this story. Its very realistic, and I can see it really happening. What bugged me is the part where Harry made those little speeches to Colin, Fred, Lupin, and Tonks. I loved them, they actually brought tears to my eyes, they just seemed a little out of place. Harry is not the type to come up with things like that on the spot, nevermind to say them out loud with an audience. But the rest and the story as a whole I really do love. Are you planning on further chapters?
Author's Response: Thanks for the kind review! Yes, I see what everyone was saying about Harry being a little OC in that scene. I will try to bring him back around a little as the story progresses. I do plan on further chapters. I have a general sense of what is going to happen in my head, now it is just a matter of getting it down onto (virtual) paper. Thanks again for the review! -- TheJester
This is very impressive but also very sad. The reunion in the comon room was so sweet.
Ginny's speech seemed a little forced but otherwise, great chapter!
Please update soon!
Author's Response: Thanks for the kind review! I will be posting more soon, promise! Thanks again for the review! -- TheJester
I just read your first chapter and it was really cool. I hope you keep going with this story it sounds just like the book I would like to read. Book 8. I have also read every book about 3 times. So far so good bro, I look forward to your next chapter
Author's Response: Thanks a lot for the kind review! I will be posting the next chapter sometime in the next week or two. Hope you continue to like it! Thanks again for the review! -- TheJester