MuggleNet Fan Fiction
Harry Potter stories written by fans!

Name: Adeyla (Signed) · Date: 11/16/08 1:25 · For: Chapter 1
i liked this, and the portrayl of Draco was awesome, i think you got him perfectly!

Name: Athenas Quill (Signed) · Date: 02/19/08 20:27 · For: Chapter 1
I loved it

Name: Hansolohpfrk (Signed) · Date: 12/23/07 16:24 · For: Chapter 1
This is very well done, dear! I love how you told it in second-person. It is a nice change, but it also really helps you gain a greater understanding of the character. You provided a wonderful insight into Draco Malfoy's mind. And the way that Hermione doesn't talk as much really also adds to it, because it focuses your attention onto Draco and on his emotions. =)

A little typo, I believe:

simply starring

Self-delusionment had always been easy for you.

Another beautiful line, here. I love it! It really captures Draco's life in only a few words. How true it is, and the way it is written just...*sighs*

Her voice doesnít sound very happy at all, and she is looking at you like she is begging for something.

This part confuses me a bit, however. What is she begging? I know you are making it vague, and you don't have to state it directly, but just give a bit more of a hint.

I love Draco's reaction to her engagement. I can just feel how he feels, and how he just runs away. He's furious with himself for letting himself fall in love, and then he just shuts it all out after it fails him again.

but you feel the shards of your heart splinter all over again.

This really fits Draco's character. =)

This is a beautifully breathtaking piece, and I LOVE it. Dramione is only good when people really capture the character and emotion, and I believe you have done so. =)


Author's Response: Well, I fixed that little "starring" blooper. Thanks for the catch! And I really do appreciate all your kind compliments on the story. I'm thrilled you enjoyed it, and that you liked the second-person -- I know some people don't like it at times.

Also, I apologize if you found the "Her voice..." paragraph to be confusing. I was vague, but it was supposed to convey that she knew --in a way-- how her engagement would hit Malfoy and knew he wouldn't be pleased. Or something.

Anywayz, thank for the review and Happy New Years!!! 8D

Name: Gin_Drinka (Signed) · Date: 12/17/07 15:19 · For: Chapter 1
I really liked this. It was so different from all the other abrubt Dramione stories...and I don't even like this ship! The writing was exceptional, the characterization was great and it was beliavable! You should be very proud!

And even though you feel the shards of your life rattling in painful protest, you walk away.

But, like a long onyx pane of glass, life had shattered you.

In moments like these, you allow yourself to fall into dangerous and murky thoughts.

Ironic, how for every jutting point of your face there is a curve gliding over it ó muting it into something more manageable.

I thought those lines were the best!
Cheers and write more!

Author's Response: Thanks for the kind review! So glad you liked it! I donít Ďshipí DrHr (too much a cannon stickler;) either, but I do find the pairing to have a certain appeal. Thus, I have this story!

Name: Sing Hallelujah (Signed) · Date: 12/17/07 11:58 · For: Chapter 1
THIS is amazing
the writing=wow!

is this the end?

Author's Response: Thanks so much! And, yes, this is only a oneshot. But, again, thanks for the review!

Name: Leahr (Signed) · Date: 12/16/07 22:56 · For: Chapter 1
Very experimentative writing style, but you do pull it off, so congratulations on that. Draco is a bit angsty and not quite canon, but still an interesting character as you write him. Are you continuing this?

Author's Response: Dang. Didnít quite get Draco down? Heís a toughy, thatís for sure, and Iím just pleased that I even managed an ďinterestingĒ character. :) Oh, and no, I will not be continuing this piece. I donít even know HOW I would continue it Ė itís supposed to be an end, not a beginning, if that makes sense. Finally: Thanks bunches for the review!!

Name: Gamma Orionis (Signed) · Date: 12/16/07 22:14 · For: Chapter 1
Forgot to mention how much I also loved the title "All the King's Horses"--that's what caught my eye.

And I just realized--this story is done?! No way! You really got me revved up for more Dramione action, and it's being denied from me! Haha, but I do understand that what's written is written, and that once something is done, you might not want to revisit it by adding more chapters just to satisfy uno reader. Still, this was a really fantastic one-shot, and I'm rather upset that it's over...

Author's Response: Isnít the title awesome? Egotistical, I know, but itís not really mine (thank you Humpty Dumpty!) and Ė honestly Ė it could be my favorite thing about the entire piece. Possibly. And, Iím sorry, really, but itís over. I just canít picture making it more than a oneshot. But if I do come up with something, I promise to write it!

Name: Gamma Orionis (Signed) · Date: 12/16/07 22:12 · For: Chapter 1
Wow. Gorgeously written, and with a twist on the Dramione set-up--after the war, Hermione finds herself wanting to help Draco despite the fact that she is involved with Ron (I smell sexual tension in the air XD). I'm slightly surprised that Ron (who I have always compared to Xander Harris from Buffy) would propose, because as much as he loves Hermione, I still think he needs to grow up a little before popping the question.

The best bits of this chapter:

The two of you are antitheses.
Simple, poignant, and so very true for Draco and Hermione!
A haze of horror
I'm a sucker for alliteration, and it sounds very elegant.
And then, even as you watch, the vision shatters. Like glass, your visage cracks and explodes, jagged pieces falling to the ground and splintering farther. Horror fills you, because you know what it means.
Loved this.

You write Draco with subtle complexities and nuances, which suits him perfectly, because he is a very complex character. I usually loathe authors who write stories from this viewpoint (using the word 'you' as a cheap way to make the reader feel like the character), you pull this off really well in a completely non-hokey thing.

The only other uncertainty I feel with the story so far apart from Ron's proposal (which I think would be nice to see from Hermione's PoV of how and when it occurred for a wider breadth of perspective) was the word 'ass'. I'm not British, but I'm pretty sure 'ass' is replaced by 'arse' in their lingo. However, "smart arse" looks and reads pretty awkwardly, so that's not very important.

A really great beginning, and I'll be sure to add this to my favorites! I love, LOVE really well-written Dramione stories (and am attempting on finishing a Dramione story myself), so I was very happy to read this. =)

Author's Response: I probably could have added more on the Ron/Hermione engagement, but I was trying to write it as Draco would see is (cuz, you know, I DID take a cheap stab at second-person there Ė but only because it worked, I swear), and to him, it WOULD seem rushed and sudden and just kinda insane. Right? Maybe? And Ďassí. That gave me trouble. Actually, I should have just gotten rid of it. But whatís done is done, and you are absolutely right about its wrongness X) Thank you LOADS for the awesome and detailed review!

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