MuggleNet Fan Fiction
Harry Potter stories written by fans!

Name: Helainewarrior (Signed) · Date: 04/17/11 19:53 · For: Chapter 1

Name: Sev and Lily (Signed) · Date: 01/31/08 22:23 · For: Chapter 1
I completely and entirley loved it 100% this story just made me feel happy reading it :) i really liked it and you got lily's personality down perfect. My favorite part of this story was the title, it is such a great title like wow i really really really just love that title, it is so fittign to the story and so like awesome lol wow i sound ditzy anyways good job it was a superb story

Author's Response: Hey, sorry, wow this is a late response. Thank you very much for reviewing! I'm glad that you liked it :D And you know, I loved this title too. I spend a great deal of time coming up with titles, its so fun! Thanks again.

Name: laceymoibella (Signed) · Date: 12/28/07 18:33 · For: Chapter 1
I thought your story was so beautiful. You showed how much Severus loved Lily.

Your last two lines were brilliant.


Author's Response: Thanks! I'm very glad you liked it.

Name: blackoleander7268 (Signed) · Date: 12/26/07 0:41 · For: Chapter 1
It was beautiful! Thank you!

Author's Response: Glad you think so. You're welcome, I guess...:)

Name: peevesismyhero (Signed) · Date: 12/01/07 7:27 · For: Chapter 1
Aww!!!!!! Oh my god, that is so sad and so good and WOW!!!! I don't know what to say.....poor severus! i was going to put my favorite parts in my review, but i have like 3 million favorite parts! :-)

Author's Response: Thanks for a review that made me smile really big! I'm glad you liked it.

Name: Skipper424 (Signed) · Date: 11/30/07 10:19 · For: Chapter 1
You know something, I’ve been doing these one-shot challenges regularly for a while now and this has to be one of the strongest fields I have seen yet. Before reading this piece, I already had read at least three stories that I thought I could easily make arguments for as the winner. I’m going to have to add this one to the list. This was just wonderful to read. Picking a winner is going to be so difficult this time around, because no matter who wins, several stories here are certainly deserving.

There is a very poetic feeling to your writing and it drew me in right from the opening few paragraphs. You just paint this wonderful picture of the way Severus sees Lily, and do it so nicely.
His most precious secret he buried under the first folds of his heart and even so it found a way to peek through everything he did: her smile was his sunlight. I thought this was a really incredible line – just the way it sounded to me.

The symbolic use of the kite in this story great too. The way Severus is chasing after it all the time because it is so wonderful, so beautiful to him … but it is just out of reach. The scene where they were sitting there with the kite when it was almost broken in two, I just loved how you made the weather reflect the mood. I liked the way the Lily was just wishing her kite was fixed and that the she could make the rain stain away.

I thought you did a very nice job with the dialogue and interaction between Severus and Lily too. Dialogue is hard enough to make believable as it is, much less with ten-year-olds. I thought you did a very nice job with it.

“Nobody controls the rain, Lily,” he told her laughingly.

“I wish I could. I’d order it to keep well away,” she said wistfully.

“Then the plants would die,” he reminded her practically.

She sighed again, finally standing up. “You’re right. You’re always right. I think we’d better go. Maybe we can find something fun to do inside.”

What can I say? You have done a really nice job on this story and I think, along with about four others, that this story has a shot to win. Yes – it’s that good! Good luck in the challenge!

Author's Response: Wow! What a wonderful, shiny review! Thanks very much, I rarely get reviews like this. I loved using a kite in this. I thought it was so fitting. And I'm glad you liked their dialogue, I was wondering if it really sounded like ten year olds. I tend to make kids sound older, 'cause all of the little kids I know act like they are older than me...;P Thanks again. And good luck to you too!

Name: the happy camper (Signed) · Date: 11/29/07 12:06 · For: Chapter 1
I love your style. THe way you explain only what you feel the need to. That way I read into it in more ways than you intended me to. I really like this pairing, too. IT's beginning to grow on me. Well, good luck with the challenge, I think you did a fantastic and heartfelt job...Bravo!

*hums along to Mary Poppins...*

Author's Response: *hums along together...* Thanks! I love this pairing too. I didn't at first, but a little before DH came out, I fell in love with it... *hums some more*

Name: lucilla_pauie (Signed) · Date: 11/29/07 3:19 · For: Chapter 1
You made wonderful metaphors in this piece, immediately luring me in to read more.

He wondered many times where that kite was. He wondered if she still had it. Did she keep it in her attic? Had she let him throw it away? Did she give it to her son? Of the many kisses she had given people along her life, could she remember that one?

It is so touching, Mia!

I thought Lily is rather a little too brazen here, too, but it also fits that after being reassured, she loses her fears, and before Sev appeared, she already was forthright about her magic anyway. Sev, meanwhile, is a little too timid here for my tastes, or maybe it's the besotted-ness kicking in... You also managed to capture the difference between their families in their dialogue.

Lovely. Shall I wish you luck with the prompt? I don't think you need it!


Author's Response: Thanks Joanna! I love metaphors, so I'm glad I'm at least decent at that. You know what, I think that Sev was a bit too timid too...Well, I worried that maybe he was. But Lily, even if she wasn't so fiery in the little we have heard of her in the books, I think she could have truly been that way. NOthing indicates the contrary. I'm really glad you liked this. ANd thanks for reviewing. Good luck to you too, although I aslo doubt that you'd need luck. ;)

Name: juli_dances (Signed) · Date: 11/28/07 21:12 · For: Chapter 1
I love kites, and I love your story. It made me cry! just wanted to let you know that I think your stories are great!

Author's Response: Aw, I'm touched that you cried. Thanks very much for reading and reviewing!

Name: KaileeA42 (Signed) · Date: 11/28/07 20:59 · For: Chapter 1
Wow, this was a really beautiful story.I am really getting to love Snape more and more after DH and i think he was characterized very well in this. I loved the descriptions of everything and how Lily just goes flying through the air. If I was a witch that would probably be me.=) It was a truly wonderful story, perhaps I shall favorite it.

Author's Response: Yeah...I would fly too...and learn to breathe under water...that, I'd love. Thanks very much for reviewing. I'm glad they seem in character to you, I was a little worried about that.

Name: Renabena (Signed) · Date: 11/28/07 19:46 · For: Chapter 1
This is really cool. I think its cool that u made the kite red like Lily's hair. That was so sweet of Severus!

Author's Response: Yay, someone noticed! I think Severus payed attention the smallest details, so I tried to as well...

Name: lily_death_flower (Signed) · Date: 11/28/07 19:02 · For: Chapter 1
awww that was sad and cute. i feel soo bad for severus. i luv how you made Lily such a free spirit

Author's Response: Thanks. Maybe my Lily is a little out of character, but I like her this way. I think she was free.

Name: JustLikeHermione77 (Signed) · Date: 11/28/07 18:39 · For: Chapter 1
*sniff* good story!! LET'S GO FLY A KITE... UP TO THE HIGHEST HEIGHTS..... OH LET'S GOOOOOOOOOOOOO FLY A KITEEEE!!! sorry, i just couldn't resist!

Author's Response: AND SEEEEEND IT SOOOOOARING!!! Lol, I completely understand. Thanks for reading another one of my stories!

Author's Response: AND SEEEEEND IT SOOOOOARING!!! Lol, I completely understand. Thanks for reading another one of my stories!

Name: OdileW (Signed) · Date: 11/28/07 18:11 · For: Chapter 1
*sniff* Wow, that was really gorgeous! I really liked the Ginny/Lily similarities in the first paragraph. And I could totally see this as canon. Great job!

Author's Response: Wow, I didn't even notice those. But I'm glad you read into my story more than I did at that part. Thanks for reading and reviewing! And most of all, for liking it.

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