MuggleNet Fan Fiction
Harry Potter stories written by fans!

Name: Binka Fudge (Signed) · Date: 07/06/08 17:47 · For: Chapter 1
Aww, that was beautiful, if only we could stay children forever.

Name: slytherins_queen2 (Signed) · Date: 12/04/07 3:25 · For: Chapter 1
Awww.... That was wonderful =) Beautifully written, it was so in character I had to remind myself that it wasn't actually J.K Rowling writing it, but you.... Lovely cute fic, one of the best I've read about Lily and Severus! Keep up the great work! - Nikki

Name: xombie (Signed) · Date: 12/02/07 3:17 · For: Chapter 1
This was sweet, Fresca. Very sweet :)

I love the way you've charecterized Snape, it makes me feel warm after reading the fic.

Nice work!

Name: I lovesmesomeHarry (Signed) · Date: 11/26/07 0:56 · For: Chapter 1
Beautiful story! It's hard for me to think of a young innocentSnape but you have manged to create one for me. Thanks!

Name: Marauder by Midnight (Signed) · Date: 11/25/07 20:00 · For: Chapter 1
Awww. What a sweet story! I adored your portrayal of Severus' and Lily's relationship. A wonderful pre-Christmas story.

The mention of the Snape family put a more realistic spin on the story. Eileen's undeserved dedication to her husband was an excellent addition to your story and gave Severus' family a more human touch. The risk Severus is willing to take just to please Lily was tremendous as well. What a brave nine-year-old.

I liked the attention to detail to what Lily liked about her gingerbread cookies and how Severus made the cookie. So appropriate and so warming! My favorite line in the story: ...he imagined her studying it long and hard before finally deciding to eat it. And seeing Severus put so much work into the cookie. How cute!

The comparison between Severus' and Lily's gifts to each other was very tender and well-put as well, though I personally would rather receive a hand-made gift to a store-bought gift any day! The comparison between a neat gift to a sloppy gift should've been emphasized a bit more since I was focused more on the effort that was put in each gift. A little emphasis on how neat Lily's handwriting was compared to the red curl on the cookie, etc. would've helped with that. This was the only place where I wasn't understanding why Severus would feel the way he was, but it was a fleeting doubt since you explained it soon after. Nonetheless, the aforementioned comparisons would've made your intentions clearer.

The ending was a bit choppy compared to the flow of the rest of the story.

He was relieved that she had liked the present, and she had even kissed him!
This sentence wasn't necessary since we knew this from Severus' reaction.

She was waving good-bye to him again now, and he knew she had to leave because she had her family waiting. He smiled and waved back and then left for his own house. He may not have a loving family, but he still had his love for her.
The connection between these sentences wasn't very clear. We see the contrast between the two families already in the beginning, and family didn't really have anything to do with the theme of the story, so the focus wasn't quite right. I think the ending would've had a much greater impact if you had stuck to the theme of imperfections, that even though the love the two of them had for each other was so imperfect like Severus' gingerbread man, he still loved her or something to do that effect. The ending just seemed off to me compared to the rest of this beautifully crafted story.

It was creative of you to set this in the holiday season and even more creative to center this story around a simple, delicious gingerbread. Again, a very warming story that was a delightful read!

Name: Dora_Lupin (Signed) · Date: 11/25/07 19:53 · For: Chapter 1
even if Lily couldn't love Severus back his love for her made him a better person. If only he could have changed completely for her....

I liked your story, it was very cute. Reminded me of my friends and myself years ago...

Name: DMTAT003 (Signed) · Date: 11/25/07 19:40 · For: Chapter 1
Thank you. I really enjoy good Severus Snape and Lily Evans centric stories.

Name: lucilla_pauie (Signed) · Date: 11/25/07 17:37 · For: Chapter 1
“ 'Sev - Sev! I can’t believe I found you!' ” "...Beneath this, in green ink, Lily had written her name, with a little heart next to it."

These lines tell more about their characters, don't they? Despite the fact that Severus seemed to have been watching Lily, Lily found him, he only refused to stay with her goodness, stupid man. *rants* Anyway, Ishka, this is what I have withheld to tell you, these subtle details that rang out to highlight Lily. That little heart in her childish signature, and the candycane--all sweet and pure.

And of course, see, I'm sure wewillmissyou isn't the last one who will remark on your last line! Beta job well done because author job is well done. *wink*

Name: wewillmissyou (Signed) · Date: 11/25/07 15:50 · For: Chapter 1
'He may not have a loving family, but he still had his love for her. '

I love that line! Excellent job!

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