This is an interesting look at Occlumency and Legilimency. I love your descriptive terms of Keen Eyes and Guarded Eyes. They parrallel each other, but show what each spell specializes in. This has an interesting stanza set up...with the 3 words, 1 word, 3 words. It works here and brings the poem together. Your break that pattern only with the first line of the 3rd Stanza "Seeking truth"...making this more uniform would really bring this poem together. Over all I think this is one view of these spells, simplifying them and holding them together. Good work!
Author's Response: Thank you. :D This poem was done with with no particular pattern in mind, but I'll fix that anyway, I missed a word when writing it I'd imagine. Strange no one else picked that up, but they probably didn't analyse it the same way you did. I always take pride in my poetry, my short stories tend to point out dramatic and little cared about flaws in Harry Potter, all the while being snide about it. They don't always turn out right (in other words not insulting to the author). Thank you again for reviewing and pointing out that mistake.
Author's Response: Thank you. :D This poem was done with no particular pattern in mind, but I'll fix that anyway, I missed a word when writing it I'd imagine. Strange no one else picked that up, but they probably didn't analyse it the same way you did. I always take pride in my poetry, my short stories tend to point out dramatic and little cared about flaws in Harry Potter, all the while being snide about it. They don't always turn out right (in other words not insulting to the author). Thank you again for reviewing and pointing out that mistake.
I really like the style you used! I thought it worked perfectly with the words you used. Brilliant job! :)
Author's Response: Thank you. I quite like the style as well, but it's a shame there are so few subjects to go with it.
i think that style is cool!! :-) good story!! er... poem!!
Author's Response: Thank you! To anyone who reviews, you will be thanked even if you claim it sucks, or if you just feel like flaming me! ;) I'd advise not to as I can argue for a few years non stop. So the style is okay, all I need now is some subjects to go with it. Any reviewers please leave ideas, thank you. :)
Wow, this is good. I like the flow of things and how it switches. For some reason, I get the image of Lily and Snape. Lily with keen eyes and Snape with guarded. :D It's nice and, well, awesome. The style is unique.
Author's Response: Thank you for reviewing. It's nice to know WHAT people actually like about it. :) I have another poem going through, though the style is different. It still hasn't been validated yet. You can find it at Fanfiction.net and it's called Dieing, and it's a wonder about Snape's thoughst in the last few seconds. Thank you once more! ;)
On the contrary I think your style is really very good. It's hard to find such originality mixed with an awesome vocabulary. My favourite part was:
Privacy is breached,
So dignity leaves.
Piercing deceitful minds,
Accursed keen eyes
Also reading the first part made me think of Harry who is abbysmal at occlunancy and the second of Severus who is brilliant at it.
The only part I found a bit odd was:
Memories are benched
I don't know but benched didn't seem a powerfull enough word to justify the emotion.
Overall you did a great job and I am truely sorry to see that this poem is not getting as many reviews as it should. I hate seeing good work not beeing appreciated.=Sammy
Author's Response: I'm sorry if it wasn't strong enough, but I didn't have time to have my daily love affair with a thesaurus and couldn't think of a better word. 'Memories are benched' is referring to benching something as one would do on a soccer field, so they are in fact just shielding them or sending them to a place where they can rest and be forgotten, as quite a few coaches do. Well, that was the thought behind it when I was writing it at least. :) Thanks for your review and I'll keep it in mind. :)