I quite like how you opened. Simplistic but still interesting. Molly just felt like a normal person. And we all want to be able to relate to people.
Right now, she was in an armchair by the fire, not cooking, baking, scolding, marshalling… only gazing at the embers tenaciously glowing several inches away from the logs. Like memories. They would forever burn in heart and mind. Both comforting and cruel.
Gah. Quite a talent for imagery and detail you have. That was beautiful. It’s really lovely what you can do with words. From this alone I can tell you are a gifted writer. Right from the start, the interaction with Molly and Percy was so believable and witty in a subtle way.
“You, speechless and stuttering. Not hiding anything, are you?”
*rolls around laughing*
It really just seems like everything flows and is set at a good pace. The dialogue is delicious. Characterization to die for. This line also caught my attention:
She bustled off, leaving Percy sidestepping her like a crab, hiding whatever it was he had behind him.
Oh, wow, Joanna, that’s just fantastic.
Reading about Mad-Eye and Fred not being there… it just hit me. They really never will be back. Your writing it made it so realistic. It really just tugged at me. The situation is so depressing and hard to accept.
However, I really did enjoy Percy’s confession and the guilt he felt. It’s always so great to see such raw emotion. One thing though, in my mind, as I read it, it sounded a tad melodramatic. I just imagine him admitting things more slowly and with awkward, strangled pauses.
Everything felt so wrong without Fred to go along with George. Horribly dismal, I think. I enjoyed it all the same.
Thank you for ripping my heart out, dear. *squish* Altogether, it was pretty heart-warming and held a family-ish vibe. =D Just lovely. So lovely.
First, the silly little typo. When Percy hugs his dad, you went into the bit about how he was jumping over the stream. Well, somehow Percy seems to have skinned his knee IN the rock. "...when he had skinned his leg in a rock in the pond."
Dang typos! It's so small, I'm shocked I noticed.
That being said, this is a wonderful story. It's really great to see this side of Percy. He was always so huffy, and it's nice to see him let that go for once. You capture the mood superbly, and I love the way you put forth imagery. It's very strong. "The granite crumbled into sand. Love was like that." Mmm! Tasty! Great job.
Author's Response: Oh dang prepositions, too. Thanks, Chris! ^_^
*sighs* I never know what to say in reviews. It was fabulas but I always think I should say more.
Anyway keep up the good work!
Beautiful. I have been needing a story like this ever since the end of Hallows. A story that reunited the Weasleys and showed them grieving and rejoicing. The Weasleys, to me, are the most interesting people in the books, but that's cheating since there are more people to have interesting things happen to. Oops. Sorry. I started babbling.
Truly a beautiful story. Your use of words is deep and thoughtful, but not mushy. The memories you added in were perfect.
Author's Response: Thank you, Luna. *sniffles* I agree with you.
Ooh. Very nice. A unique approach.
Author's Response: Thanks, Stubby. ^-^
I think you caught Percy's emotions just right. Repentance is hard to go through, but you end up with so much more than you give up when you admit you're wrong! Good job.
Author's Response: Thank you, Ron! ^_^
*sniff* good story!
Author's Response: Thanks, Ellen! *hands tissue* hehe
This is a brilliant Weasley one-shot, one that is both very readable and enjoyable. The amount of dialogue was very refreshing: you don’t weigh the reader down with heavy descriptions, but instead stick to delicate and effective paragraphs. The Weasleys were also relatively well drawn (even if Molly Weasley is, to my mind, a little too sweet).
I only have one complaint: the punctuation within the dialogue. In some places you put a comma too many, such as when Molly says: “’I’m just glad you’re back with us, now’”. Without the comma, this sentence would make just as much sense and flow a lot better! The same goes for “Please, scold me.”… I’m sure you get the picture!
Despite the small punctuation problems, I greatly enjoyed this piece. Thumbs up!
Author's Response: Hi Candycane! How apt for this Christmas story to have the first review from a reader with such a sweet Christmassy username! ^_^
Thank you so much for your praise and critique! *hugs*As for the commas, I'm afraid they're intended there. Haven't you seen it too in a lot of books? I think the comma before 'now' doesn't indicate time, but is an expression whose meaning I couldn't quite touch, but which we understand. Like, if a mother says, 'Now, now,' we know she means for us to stop bickering or something... *grins* As for the comma after Percy's 'please', its an emphasis on his plea. Without the comma, the sentence reads differently and seems less fervent. I'm sure you see it, too!
Thank you again, hon! *hugs*
Author's Response: Oh and Molly! Aye, she seems a little cling-y here. But perhaps she's doing her best, even trying too hard, to remain the same to her remaining children after losing one.