This is a wonderful chapter, not to mention a wonderful story. You know just how to leave the reader hungry and wanting more. There's a lot of interesting dialogue and the characters are all realistic. Keep up the good work!
Author's Response: Thank you, L! ^_^
what I think? I think, no, I know you're a great writer. I love all your stories. This chapter was really entertaining. Stay inspired so you can keep updaring frequently!
Author's Response: Thank you, hon. ^_^
eeeee i just read this whole story again !!
i miss it so much - there hasnt been an update in ages *crys*
just to let you know that i'm still here haha
and update when you can :)
I came around to read this story some time ago already, after having seen the trailer on the forum. I got curious, and was hooked on the story the moment I started reading it.
Your story starts off really interesting. I like how you slowly but very well introduce us to Callie. She’s a lovely girl, and in her way she has “power” over her father, who – as we learn within one subtle sentence at the end – is none other than Draco Malfoy. You describe Callie wonderfully, and yet one can still paint an own picture of her although she’s completely portrayed already with you having described her similar to her mother, the spitting image in appearance of the still unknown woman.
Her response was to open her own book. The Lord of the Flies. Where did it come from? He could swear his daughter seemed to pluck books from thin air.
Especially with this part and the one where her father thought about his daughter always having her nose in a book you show clearly that she has not only a similarity in appearance to her mother but in her mother’s habits as well. I love the last sentence in this paragraph – pluck books from thin air. It’s magic you describe here, and the entire chapter so far is magical to read. Well done.
But I want to come back to Callie having “power” over her father once more before proceeding into chapter two. You put in several sentences that I simply loved:
This conversation was fast going downhill on her favour. As always. He never won with her.
Merlin’s pants, his daughter beamed. That always preceded his defeat.
It is great to see that Draco can get defeated by a child and is also able to admit it, that he isn’t so stubborn to have to win over his daughter. He has changed a lot since the years at Hogwarts and the war, and I really like how you created him as a father. These sentences also show how much “power” Callie possesses over her father. I find it rather sweet that he loves her so much and sees her as his baby girl. Very well done for this chapter, and I was really looking forward to read chapter two.
Chapter two is similar to chapter one in its build-up: you introduce us to Thalia and her mother, and you do it as splendid as in the first chapter. You introduce us to Lia the same way you did with Callie, and all the subtle sentences around her appearance show that she’s the female image of her father Draco. It’s very well done, and I have only compliments for you in this regard. Also, when you bring in Hermione – just like Draco’s name being mentioned at the end of chapter one – you only give her name in the lower half of the chapter, just like this from one moment to the next – and one never really realises it (at least I didn’t. I actually had to scroll back up to see where exactly you gave away Hermione’s name.). I knew it was Hermione, but again anyone not having seen the trailer might not know it and would surely think “Wow.” I have to agree with those readers.
Interesting was also the short part where Hermione remembers her two daughters meeting in the book shop without realising that they are siblings. That’s where you bring in that the four characters are connected with each other, and again you do it in a very subtle way. I’m really curious how the girls will react when getting to know each other.
What I liked most in chapter two was the way you told us that Lia is so much like her father in the way she stands, smirks and behaves sometimes, a way of Draco that got Hermione giddy. I also liked that you had Hermione have visions or memories about Draco pop up when she looks at her daughter. I really wonder now what brought Draco and Hermione to get together, have two daughters, and then break up. It fuels my desire to go on reading. You’ve very well gripped the reader to stay with your story and continue it to the very end. And the way you chose who was living with which parent is remarkably. I think every other author might have simply put Lia to Draco, and Callie to Hermione because of the similarities between these pairs, but you just did it the reversed way which is really well thought-out. Congrats.
What mesmerised me was how you brought in the environment in which both girls grew up. The Malfoys being pure-bloods and rich would of course choose something as grand as a French chateau, and it only helps fortifying the picture of them being a “noble” family, even in modern times. Hermione and Lia on the other hand live in a small house in the countryside, and this proves that Hermione doesn’t need money to be happy. All she needs are the people she cares for, and she has this in her daughter and her friends living near.
The contrast and the sisters being divided and each living with only one parent – in short everything in the first two chapters – reminds me of a classical children’s story that I love since I first read it when I was still a child: “Das doppelte Lottchen” from Erich Kästner (“Lottie and Lisa” in English). There the author writes about twins being divided because of the divorce of their parents, and I can imagine that you’re going to bring the story into a similar direction. I’m sitting on tenterhooks to find out if Lia and Callie will swap the roles and try to bring together their parents just like the siblings did in the original book.
But before I can go on reading, there are some things I want to point to because they simply came up with me.
In chapter one you had this sentence:
“That isn’t an answer in intelligent conversation, Father.”
I’m not entirely sure if my theory is correct, but I write it down here nonetheless for you to notice it though. In my opinion there should be an “an” before “intelligent”. – “That isn’t an answer in an intelligent conversation, Father.” I could be wrong – I have been before – but to me it seems not quite right although the sentence looks correct and makes sense. The way you wrote the sentence makes it that every conversation that is intelligent mustn’t have a one-syllable-answer because it is considered impolite. With an “an” inserted, the conversation Callie and her father have at that moment becomes the one Callie refers to with her sentence. As I said, your sentence makes sense, because “So?” simply isn’t a nice answer for any conversation. But I would have written the “an” in there, and it’s just my opinion.
But with this sentence there should definitely be a change:
That sounded sappy and totally out of character to be in his thoughts, but he’d only scoff at any one who’d say it was sappy and out of character.
The “any one” should be one word, anyone.
Well, I intended to write the review for the first three chapters, but as things go… *shrugs* I stop here now, and will comment later again. I really like you story, very much so, and you have a fantastic way in your writing style. You’re a very good author being able to keep readers stay interested and hooked on your story. Very well done and I’ll put it to my favourites as soon as I’ve submitted this review.
I have been meaning to read this for so long. The Parent Trap is such a great movie, and you’re such a great writer, so I couldn’t think of a better way to spend an afternoon. I was only going to read the first chapter and review that one, but you got me hooked, so this review basically sums up all of the chapters. :]
First of all, I absolutely love how you’ve managed to characterise Callie and Lia. Their parents are such different people, with such contrasting personalities, yet you’ve managed to bring out both sides in the twins, and they’re nothing like each other, either. I’m sure their upbringing had a helping hand in that, but it’s interesting to see the little quirks they have that remind Draco and Hermione of each other.
I loved how you put Callie in Gryffindor and Lia in Slytherin. At first I thought it a little weird, considering who has brought them up, but now I’m starting to realise how suited they are to their houses. Callie is so headstrong, and Lia is so evasive.
The only problem I’ve found is with Dionelise and Kia. I think its a little clichéd how you’ve made both girls find friends so easily within their own house, and those friends begin to fight straightaway. Also, sometimes I get confused as to who is who and who is in which house when you write, because a lot of the time you write almost all dialogue and not much description. Maybe I’m just being slow, but it makes my head spin a little. ^_^
Draco and Hermione are fabulous, in my opinion. I’m insanely jealous of your ability to write Dramione. I love how Hermione has single-handedly broken down years of the Malfoy’s traditions and beliefs. It’s so Hermione-ish. :] Draco is such a different person to how one would think he would be after the war, and I just adore how he is with Callie. I’ve always fancied the Malfoys to have a loving, familyish side to them, and she brings out the best in Draco.
My favourite parts of this fic would have to be the little things, though. Things like how Ginny is so hormonal and terrifying, and how you’ve included Pansy in there. It’s nice that Draco and Pansy managed to get over their history together, and she tuned over a new leaf too and married a Muggleborn. Also, I love how all the Weasleys dote on Lia, even though her father is their former worst enemy.
Thank you for such a wonderful fic, Joanna. It was much more enjoyable than an afternoon of revision for my Maths exam. If I fail, I’ll know who to blame. ^_^
Author's Response: Jen! *squish* Thank you for such a lovely afternoon gift as well. Thanks a lot. Your review is such a boost. I'll always think about the little things now, since someone does notice them.
Oh, Dionelise and Kia, they had to be there, couldn't get past the cliche. I like to think it's kismet which makes us meet friends-to-be easily; we just have to work to keep them.And I was tired of reading Malfoys (and Blacks, and the rest of the 'Dark' families) as cold and harsh. Surely, they love their families, right?
Thanks again, Jen!
ohhh lala.i love it.
hmmmm sooo good.
cant wait for more.
and i checked out the video on youtube.
and twas awesome! :D
Author's Response: I hope you give the praise to Molly (Olive_Oil Med). Thanks, hon.
Very good, as usual, but I tend to get confused between the two characters. Update sooner please!
Author's Response: Sorry about the confusion, Laura. I'll try to be clearer. ^_^
You know, I'm getting way ahead of myself, but I'm hoping for the two girls to bring Draco and hermione back together. I love how each girl got their parent's bed, but had no idea of the story behind the family crest or ink smell. It was just so funny when Lia started telling the story of Crookshanks and Scabbers. Anyway, I think the Hermione Grainger fund is an excellent idea, i bet it was quite a shock for Hermione to hear of it in court. I love this fic and can't wait for another update, so please keep writing.
Author's Response: I'm impatient for that part, too, Marie! ^_^ Thank you, I will keep writing, and you guys keep reading, please. *hugs*
haha, this story is so funny. i love Hermione's freaking out at the end. what is Draco planning to do when she does confront him? when will Thalia tell Calliope that they're sisters? btw, Stephenie Meyer's awesome!
Author's Response: Yeah right, thank you! LOL. Of course I won't tell you what Draco's planning, nor when Thalia will speak up.
yay +D *grins*
That was amazing as usual,
I really love Callie and Lia and the way both Draco and Hermione are portrayed.
keep writing ,
Author's Response: Glad I deliver, Susie, thank you!
i cant get on to chapter 9 :'(
its not working,
Author's Response: Hey, Susie, I've contacted our mods about it and they'll fix it, don't worry. ^_^
arrrgghi keep checking this story for updates.
i know fine well that i will receive an email but i cant help it.
it is utterly addictive.
=D cant wait for next chapter if u havent guessed :p
I think this chapter worked really well despite it being quite short, Their first owls from home should be set apart. Draco must know his daughters have met, but i'm not sure about Hermione, I mean she must still think the Malfoy's are out of the country. I'm a little out of touch with this story so maybe i'll go back and read from the beginning before the next update. I'm so glad you're updating again, I've missed this fic.
Author's Response: And I'm so glad you're still there, Marie! Thank you! I'm glad you agree with me that this chapter should stand alone.
OMGG i really love this story
i love hermione and draco stories
and you picked a classic!!!!
who doesnt like the parent trap
pleasee pleasee write the next chapter
ahhh sooo crazy.theyre sooo cute.
the kids and the parents.
update when u can.or when u want.lol.
This chapter was a little bit confusing, but pretty good. Update soon!
I have a really random question, which girl do you like writing better? And i like it, it's interesting, yet cliche, but not (don't worry, i couldn't follow my last sentence either)
Too short, but otherwise very good.
I really enjoyed this!
I hope you ud soon.
I wonder when they'll figure out they're blood related...hopefully soon!
I love this story! I can't wait to see what happens!