Reviews For Second Chances
Reviewer: NorthernPhoenix
Date: 02/25/08 1:16
Chapter: Prologue

Interesting, Hope you continue it.

Author's Response: I might.. I have sort of lost intrest, though..

Reviewer: writer4eternity
Date: 11/26/07 7:14
Chapter: Prologue

fifth paragraph.....stay instead of stays.....

Author's Response: I know... sorry!

Author's Response: I know... sorry!

Reviewer: HPLoverForever
Date: 11/25/07 23:14
Chapter: Prologue

Hmmm... where to begin? :)

Well, most of this chapter is Harry, Ron, and Hermione arguing, when in the beginning, I really don't see Harry letting Ron and Hermione tell him not to do something as simple as making sure the coast is clear behind a tree. It sort of makes them seem like they're his babysitters, the way they talk about what to do with him. When you first wrote the beginning bit of the argument, I was almost expecting Harry to jump in and be angry that they were trying to control him, but of course he didnt.

Also, the characters aren't very developed. All three of them are somewhat one-dimensional throughout the chapter, especially Harry, which is sort of ironic. I'd spend some more time developing the scene and everything that is happening so not only does it give the reader a better understanding of the story itself, but it also lengthens it.

Harry, Ron, if I stays within eyesight, you will be able to see if I am attacked and can help me!

'Stays' should be 'stay'.

I liked your ending a lot, just because it leaves the reader with that suspicious feeling like you don't know what's going to happen next. It's a bit of foreshadowing, which adds some flavor to your writing. Good job!

Author's Response: Well, thank you- I appriciate your comments! I have a serious problem with cliffhangers! They are (unfortunatley for the readers) so much fun! You will find that out later! Again, thanks a bunch for your reviews! Toodles!

Author's Response: Hold on- I just realized what I said about cliffehangers will discourage a bunch of people... I should be updating faster though, most of the story is already written...

Reviewer: writer4eternity
Date: 11/25/07 20:29
Chapter: Prologue

time is a -wasting, why don't you put up the next chapter?!?

Author's Response: I'm on it... don't worry....

Reviewer: writer4eternity
Date: 11/25/07 20:25
Chapter: Prologue

you rock lemon!!! yay!!! you got it on finally!!! whoo-hooo!!!


Author's Response: Yes I did! Thanks!

You must login (register) to review.
Information
Find out everything you need to know about the site right here.


We have stories and authors in this archive.

:

RSS
Choose Theme:
SOCIAL MEDIA
     
MOST RECENT
Blaise Inglorious by Northumbrian 6th-7th Years
Ginny is stuck at Hogwarts while Harry, Ron, and Hermione are on the run. Blaise...
A Sackful of Holiday Horsefeathers by Piwakitt 3rd-5th Years
This story has a bit of everything in it. Humor, romance, Slytherin schemes...
Get Older by ellie oh 6th-7th Years
Lily is having something of a breakdown, unsure of where she fits as graduation...
FEATURED
Tarot by DeadManSeven 3rd-5th Years
A reading that consists of only cards from the Major Arcana indicates the destiny...
Rat by DragonDi 6th-7th Years
The Potters' Secret Keeper, Sirius Black, is presumed dead. Remus Lupin wants...
The Ruin by Oregonian 1st-2nd Years
Even in its abandonment and slow disintegration, it retains its power to destroy...
CATEGORIES