MuggleNet Fan Fiction
Harry Potter stories written by fans!
Reviews For Second Chances

Name: NorthernPhoenix (Signed) · Date: 02/25/08 1:16 · For: Prologue
Interesting, Hope you continue it.

Author's Response: I might.. I have sort of lost intrest, though..

Name: writer4eternity (Signed) · Date: 11/26/07 7:14 · For: Prologue
fifth paragraph.....stay instead of stays.....

Author's Response: I know... sorry!

Author's Response: I know... sorry!

Name: HPLoverForever (Signed) · Date: 11/25/07 23:14 · For: Prologue
Hmmm... where to begin? :)

Well, most of this chapter is Harry, Ron, and Hermione arguing, when in the beginning, I really don't see Harry letting Ron and Hermione tell him not to do something as simple as making sure the coast is clear behind a tree. It sort of makes them seem like they're his babysitters, the way they talk about what to do with him. When you first wrote the beginning bit of the argument, I was almost expecting Harry to jump in and be angry that they were trying to control him, but of course he didnt.

Also, the characters aren't very developed. All three of them are somewhat one-dimensional throughout the chapter, especially Harry, which is sort of ironic. I'd spend some more time developing the scene and everything that is happening so not only does it give the reader a better understanding of the story itself, but it also lengthens it.

Harry, Ron, if I stays within eyesight, you will be able to see if I am attacked and can help me!

'Stays' should be 'stay'.

I liked your ending a lot, just because it leaves the reader with that suspicious feeling like you don't know what's going to happen next. It's a bit of foreshadowing, which adds some flavor to your writing. Good job!

Author's Response: Well, thank you- I appriciate your comments! I have a serious problem with cliffhangers! They are (unfortunatley for the readers) so much fun! You will find that out later! Again, thanks a bunch for your reviews! Toodles!

Author's Response: Hold on- I just realized what I said about cliffehangers will discourage a bunch of people... I should be updating faster though, most of the story is already written...

Name: writer4eternity (Signed) · Date: 11/25/07 20:29 · For: Prologue
time is a -wasting, why don't you put up the next chapter?!?

Author's Response: I'm on it... don't worry....

Name: writer4eternity (Signed) · Date: 11/25/07 20:25 · For: Prologue
you rock lemon!!! yay!!! you got it on finally!!! whoo-hooo!!!

Author's Response: Yes I did! Thanks!

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