Reviewer: crbluvsravenclaw
Date: 07/10/12 3:34
Chapter: Chapter 1

You said in your bio, that this was one of your favorite stories you have written, so I read it. Why do you like it the best? I got to say, it was amazing to the very end! Now, I'm going to read your other stories about Neville Longbottom... I hope they're as good as this one. And you better finish the 6th and 7th one because you don't want to leave me hangin' haha!(:

Reviewer: OHara
Date: 11/13/09 15:32
Chapter: Chapter 1

I read this story a year or so ago and I really, really liked it. It's just a really good use of canon and a great story overall! Thanks!

Author's Response: Long overdue response. Thanks for your kind words. I still think this remains the best thing I've ever written, and I'm glad there are people out there who enjoyed it so much. Thank you!

Reviewer: DBailey
Date: 03/22/08 10:16
Chapter: Chapter 1

Oohh! very good, I enjoyed reading it. You wrote both characters of Dumbledore and Gellert very well. And dare I say? J.K. couldn't have writien better herself.

Author's Response: Well I'm sure J.K. could have written it better, but thank you for the compliment all the same! It was very enjoyable to write and I think it came off really well.

Reviewer: lucilla_pauie
Date: 11/19/07 23:33
Chapter: Chapter 1

Hey, Phil.

Quite a masterpiece you have here.


Nice build-up of suspense through imagery in the very beginning. Sucked me in to the story.

"Within the wall was a wide courtyard, an open flat space before one reached the doors of the tower itself. It was largely empty of buildings; there was the odd guard tower, a few tents, nothing more."

You might want to rewrite this passage. Always put the modifiers as close to what it modifies. Here, 'largely empty of buildings' clearly refers to the courtyard, not the tower. But the way the words are arranged right now, logic is questioned. ^_^

Comma use. "At the entrance of Dumbledore, many looked up."

"...while all about, the emaciated prisoners waited..."

“Welcome at last to my abode, Albus...” I thought you had intended this. We do know Gellert isn't British. But then you mention Gellert speaks perfect English. If so, he should say 'Welcome to...'

"I have made myself more than I ever was when you knew me.” While this is perfectly conceited of him, hehe, 'more' what?

“But once they were, Albus, I know. They could be again. What do you say? Think, Albus. We were both born to be teachers, educators, ennoblers of the lesser men around us. Would you rather stay closeted in your little school, or will you take up the greater challenge that lies here?”

It's uncanny how they can talk, dark wizards, isn't it? Nice.

"Not until now did he realise what that fire truly was. He had been blinded by it, thinking that it spoke of enthusiasm, of ardour, of love. He had refused to see the darkness in the fire, the cruelty and violence within." Exactly how I've envisioned Albus's infatuation, too, Phil! We had fun over this in the Forums. Are you a member over there, by the way?

"The night sky exploded into light and colour above Nurmengard. The spells fired back and forth between the two combatants, erupting in flame as they met. This is worthy of being inserted somewhere in Deathly Hallows!

Another preposition correction:...sent them hurling toward Dumbledore.

“I do still believe in love, Gellert, though it may surprise you to hear it. I have loved, and I have lost, and I have learned to love again. I have learned a great deal more about love than you, I suspect, *comma use* will ever know. I understand how dangerous it can be, how it can blind a man from the truth, twist him into something different. And now I understand the strength it can give and how hollow a man’s life is without it....

...“No life is worthless, Gellert,” he stated calmly. “That is your greatest misunderstanding.”

Woow. My heart, be still. Lovely Albie language.

And my Godric, what a wonderful, ironic end to Gellert's glory.

As for Albie's parting words, they're too precious to quote here and ruin for other readers. Three thumbs up, Phil. And a star, too!


Author's Response:

Thanks for your extensive and helpful review. I'm glad you liked my little tale so much. In answer to your points, I am aware of my punctuation difficulties. The day I work out how to use a comma correctly I think I will truly be a proper writer (and there may be a brief snow flurry in Hades). Thanks for the other grammar suggestions.

"I have made myself more than I ever was when you knew me.” I think I was going for 'more' purely in the sense of 'greater', rather than trying to be specific. I was trying to have Gellert evoke a rather mystic sense of grandeur, though it does come across as a bit vague.

“But once they were, Albus, I know. They could be again. What do you say? Think, Albus. We were both born to be teachers, educators, ennoblers of the lesser men around us. Would you rather stay closeted in your little school, or will you take up the greater challenge that lies here?” I'm afraid you'll have to blame Saruman for that one. This fic did end up rather influenced by the 'Voice of Saruman' chapter in LOTR, though that wasn't originally my intention. This is quite close to how he speaks.

I am a member of the forums, yes, but only for about a week! (I'm a Ravenclaw) I'm still finding my way around.

The ending was of course the first thing I planned, and highly influenced by that last verse of the poem, since it applies to both Albus and Gellert in turn (one loved too little, one too long), and both survive. I'd been looking for a way to write this scene for a while and when I stumbled on "The Ballad of Reading Gaol" it was perfect.

Reviewer: lucilla_pauie
Date: 11/19/07 23:29
Chapter: Chapter 1

Hey, Phil.

Quite a masterpiece you have here.


Nice build-up of suspense through imagery in the very beginning. Sucked me in to the story.

"Within the wall was a wide courtyard, an open flat space before one reached the doors of the tower itself. It was largely empty of buildings; there was the odd guard tower, a few tents, nothing more."

You might want to rewrite this passage. Always put the modifiers as close to what it modifies. Here, 'largely empty of buildings' clearly refers to the courtyard, not the tower. But the way the words are arranged right now, logic is questioned. ^_^

Comma use. "At the entrance of Dumbledore, many looked up."

"...while all about, the emaciated prisoners waited..."

“Welcome at last to my abode, Albus...” I thought you had intended this. We do know Gellert isn't British. But then you mention Gellert speaks perfect English. If so, he should say 'Welcome to...'

"I have made myself more than I ever was when you knew me.” While this is perfectly conceited of him, hehe, 'more' what?

“But once they were, Albus, I know. They could be again. What do you say? Think, Albus. We were both born to be teachers, educators, ennoblers of the lesser men around us. Would you rather stay closeted in your little school, or will you take up the greater challenge that lies here?”

It's uncanny how they can talk, dark wizards, isn't it? Nice.

"Not until now did he realise what that fire truly was. He had been blinded by it, thinking that it spoke of enthusiasm, of ardour, of love. He had refused to see the darkness in the fire, the cruelty and violence within." Exactly how I've envisioned Albus's infatuation, too, Phil! We had fun over this in the Forums. Are you a member over there, by the way?

"The night sky exploded into light and colour above Nurmengard. The spells fired back and forth between the two combatants, erupting in flame as they met. This is worthy of being inserted somewhere in Deathly Hallows!

Another preposition correction:...sent them hurling toward Dumbledore.

“I do still believe in love, Gellert, though it may surprise you to hear it. I have loved, and I have lost, and I have learned to love again. I have learned a great deal more about love than you, I suspect, *comma use* will ever know. I understand how dangerous it can be, how it can blind a man from the truth, twist him into something different. And now I understand the strength it can give and how hollow a man’s life is without it....

...“No life is worthless, Gellert,” he stated calmly. “That is your greatest misunderstanding.”

Woow. My heart, be still. Lovely Albie language.

And my Godric, what a wonderful, ironic end to Gellert's glory.

As for Albie's parting words, they're too precious to quote here and ruin for other readers. Three thumbs up, Phil. And a star, too!


Author's Response: See above for my reply (and I think you missed an italics tag here, is that why it's posted twice?)

Reviewer: jess1z1
Date: 11/19/07 23:07
Chapter: Chapter 1

Added you to favourites even before I had finished reading. Excellent!

Author's Response: Glad you liked it! I enyoyed writing it.

Reviewer: wewillmissyou
Date: 11/19/07 21:33
Chapter: Chapter 1

This is amazing. The imagery is beautiful, characterzation is on and the way Grinewald was defeated was compltley plausible. I love the poem. I think it may be my new favorite. Excellent, exellent job.

Author's Response: Thank you! The excerpt from the poem is chosen deliberately, for those who don't know it was written by Oscar Wilde in 1897 (two years before Albus and Gellert first met), after he had just been released from prison having served a two year sentence for homosexuality, a crime in those days. It's a very long poem, mainly about the morality of the death penalty, but I took just the three probably most famous stanzas.

Reviewer: DMTAT003
Date: 11/19/07 21:29
Chapter: Chapter 1

I think this really did explain Dumbledore's love for Grindlevald. It was very well written; I also enjoy your CoS based around Neville.

Author's Response: Thank you. It's a brilliant subject to explore and I enjoyed writing this. Hope you're still reading Neville's story, big revelations have just been made!

Reviewer: NorthernLights
Date: 11/19/07 17:02
Chapter: Chapter 1

very nice. Well written.

Author's Response: Thanks!

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