I was very impressed with your characters- Snape especially. I think you captured his persona and reactions to Lily so well. I enjoyed this very much.
that was really good!!!
This was so cute! I've read a few of these entries for this challenge, and yours definitely deserved the winning spot =]
I think you did a wonderful job at describing the small town they lived in. The 'hatching from the egg' part was one of my favorites. It all seemed to fit so perfectly that it actually made me excited that you wrote the setting like that. >.> Then how you made the river so ominous and foreboding, only to have it play such a central role in the story was magnificent. Luff it.
The relationship you created between Lily and Severus was perfect as well. You kept them both so IC for being at such a young age. Especially the part when Sev put the dead kittens in the river ... I dunno, maybe it's just men, but that just screamed Severus when I read it. I also really liked how Sev was magical, but Lily didn't know about it yet. That added to it, because in reality I bet Sev was a bit restrained from telling her because he was worried what she might think.
Let's see.. and crit? Not really, no. At one point 'Mum' was lower case when it should have been uppercase... Not a big deal, but here's the line:
"...If [[m]]um asks why you’re crying you’ll have to say something about the river.”
This was a great story that had me grinning all throughout [except of course when Kevin was a little jerk]. So, great job, and this is going in the Slyth Review Fest!
Author's Response: Yay, the review fest!rnThanks for the review. I was hoping the egg wasn't too abstract. Cheers.
*Snort* too bad he wasn't the Secret Keeper... *sgih* Lovely story, thought. Very enjoyable and sweet. It reminded me a lot of the pensieve memories that made the Prince's Tale!! A bit more and I might have went down in tears like I did the first (two) time(s) I read then in DH...
that was really cute. Congrats on winning the November Oneshot Challenge!
Author's Response: Thank you very much! And congrats on placing!
Very cute. When Lily told Snape to run, it sounded like something from Forrest Gump. =)
Author's Response: The funniest part is, I've never even seen Forrest Gump. Now I really have to see it. Thanks for the review!
I really enjoy your style of writing. I think that you characterized Severus Snape very well.
Author's Response: Thank you
What a charming fic. It is really sweet and definately has a good chance at winning the challange. I'v recently kinda fallen in love with this ship and I find everything about it just so...nice. Once again great job and all the best.=Sammy
Author's Response: Thanks for the review! I fell in love with this ship while writing this. I've got my fingers crossed.
I just realised that this is a one shot. Oopps! I still think you should add more...
Author's Response: Oh, I've considered it. We'll see...I am in love with this ship all of a sudden. Thanks for the reviews!
Well done! I love the idea of sev being so... awkward. Keep Updating!