Awwwwwwwwwwww! (is that enough w's?) So cute! So very, very, sweet! :3 I love the idea of a drawing, I love Lily running up to meet him.
The only think I think you should work on in your writing in general is imagery. In something as poignant as this piece, a little bittersweet imagery will do you wonders.
that's so nice! i have always felt sorry for snape. i almost want lily's friendship to keep going with him.
Very good! Really touching and sweet!
Very sweet. I'm glad Lily could make him forget the pathos that was his life. I especially loved the last line. How poignant.
So adorable, yet heartbreaking.
What a sweet story. I really like it. I'm sorry but I think I found a typo:
“You don’t have choice, Tobias! He’ll be eleven in a few weeks!”
Shouldn't it be,
“You don’t have a choice, Tobias! He’ll be eleven in a few weeks!”
Also I'd double check the format if I were you. The mistakes aren't major but why should they be there in the first place right?=Sammy
Awwwww! That was so cute!
Aww. You know, pre-DH, I really wanted Snape to be bad, just for an excuse to hate him. As a kid...being in love with Lily...this beautiful little story and the sympathy of my sister...I think I'm being converted against my will. Good job!
Very nice story, bluemoon13! I enjoyed reading it. I bounced into the most recent section and saw your story. At the time, I saw that you hadn’t gotten a review yet and thought a fellow member of Hufflepuff could use a review. I see, however, someone already beat me to the first review punch. Blast!
Hands down, my favourite parts are the end and the memory of the bullies. In the case of the memory, I can totally see that scene going down the way it. It reminded me, at least a little bit, of the scene where she tells James and Sirius to back off of Severus at School. As for the end, I just like the way you have Severus so uncertain about himself. His eyes were fixed on the white ground. He could only nod.
In this sentence, there was no doubt in Severus’ mind that this could be anything less than perfect, because that was the only way to capture her image.. I am wondering if you meant to say … that this couldn’t be anything less than perfect …. I’ve read it through a couple times here and it seems to make more sense that way. Feel free to kick me if I read it wrong, especially after I said I read it a few times.
I also thought you could have added a little more detail in places to add some impact. For example, in the bully scene, what if when she yelled at them, some unintentional magic occurred, giving the bullies good reason to be scared. I mean, I think the scene still works … but what if when she yelled at them her voice was amplified so loud the bullies thought they were standing right in front of a loud speaker at a concert on full blast. Or … what if a small boulder exploded into small pieces when she scolded them. I guess, being a former bully myself (kidding), the scene would be even better if we saw exactly why they were so scared of her.
Great story and good luck in the contest!
loved it update soon!
*sniff* good story!