Great fic! I love the similarities between JK characters and yours. Ithink that although your characters are similar to JK's they are unique and original. Keep it up. Can't wait for the net chapter!
Dear Author of Sadie Murray,
Hi! I liked the story so far and how Grace Slick was smelling! It must be terrible for her to tell her father this, Go Murray!
P.S. When will be next chapter's for this, and will there be anymore Sadie Murray stories, after year one?
Alex finishes the chapter and starts yelling in a sing-song voice "AH HA! AH HA! GRACE GOT WHAT SHE DESERVED!" WooHoo! Now she's doing a victory dance for saying that. :)... great chapter... lol... can't wait til the next one...
~Allie (who happens to be a bit hyperz...)
Great Story! I like how the classes are different, and I liked the part how Grace screamed because Sadie Won! Also I have a question, what is the Enigma Scroll? I feel it is like a Prophecy or something? When is the next chapter going to be posted, and beyond?
Author's Response: Enigma Scroll? Huh? What's that? :P I'd call that a mystery, hee hee hee. The next chapter shall be posted as soon as it is the lovely mods approve it. And future chapters will be posted as soon as they are sufficiently written and edited.
Lol. wow great chapter. can't wait until the next one. well yea until then keep up the great work...
Author's Response: Thank you, thank you! I'm glad you liked it. :D
i love seeing all the similar people in this story from harry potter. there seems to be one for each of the big ones, in your story. it makes your story easier to relate to but at the same time different enough to be a completely new story. well done keep up the great work i can't wait for the next chapter.
Author's Response: Thank you! I'm glad you enjoy the slight similarities. I do hope you keep reading. :]
That was an amazing chapter, and again I see the parallels between Sadie and Harry, and I really enjoy your story and thank you for the time you put in the intricate plot and description.
Author's Response: My pleasure! I'm getting over-excited cause there are so many future plot twists I'm ready to hide all over the place just waiting to be hidden. :] As always, thanks for reading.
Excellent story so far, but I did see a few typos or odd sentences I'd like to point out.
"Sadie was almost ran into a girl who was hustling up the steps with a wizard hat in hand as she ran to the upper dorms."
The 'was seems unnecessary, or perhaps a 'by' should be inserted after 'into'?
"He was about halfway up to the girl's underclassmen rooms when without warning, the entire staircase slipped away beneath both Timothy and Sadie, becoming a smooth chute, almost like a slide."
Perhaps a comma before 'without warning', and maybe removing 'beneath both Timothy and Sadie' as we know they are both on the stairs and the next sentence describes Sadie falling.
"enough so the culprit who ran up the stairs could hear"
Perhaps change 'so' to 'that'?
"Sadie was happy to see that most of the people entering the Central Hall were wearing either their uniforms, their school robes, or clothes Muggle clothes."
Maybe delete the first 'clothes'
"Kelsey almost choked the eggs she had taken with a laugh."
Not sure what is meant here, did she almost choke on the eggs by laughing?
"let Kelsey take a letter off its leg."
Off his leg, as you already called the owl a he
"taken to reading books in a tree on the east side of The Lawn,"
Is he actually in the tree, or under it?
"people like the daring and nerves in the people who play it."
Perhaps 'in those who play it'?
"Sorry, Professor! I guess I studied read too far ahead in the book. Let me put that back,"
This is just a confusing sentence to me.
"needed to learn in this new world she entered, "
Perhaps 'she had entered'
"spinning clockwise in a circle why petting his broom's handle."
'While petting his broom's handle.'?
"Others, such as Nakin, Amna, and over three-fourths of the Noctowls, though Tiffany Chan, Raven Fox, and Alaa Jasim did it splendidly."
I believe part of this sentence is missing.
Really, it is a wonderful story and these are just suggestions to make it an easier read. Please don't be offended.
Author's Response: Not offending at all! Thanks for the suggestions; it's much appreciated. :] Thanks for reading as well - I'm glad you enjoy the story so far.
I'm quite enjoying your story! The first few chapters (Sadie in the Muggle world, and the intro of Mrs. Yates) were especially wonderful to read. I am glad that you've gotten a Beta, because your writing, though strong, often calls for a fine-tuning. I've noticed that you tend to reiterate quite a bit, and aren't always consistent with your grammar and style. But I know this will only get better with time, and you've definitely got the story as a great backbone.
You excel at creating dynamic characters - I love them all! I also adored discovering the Wizarding World all over again through Sadie's eyes and ears. However, I think your story's weakness lies in the fact that you're afraid to separate from Harry's Wizarding World. I was frankly disappointed in your last couple chapters... you set the American WW up to be quite original (despite some allusions to Harry's), but as soon as we stepped into Orthogon Ave., I just felt like I was reading Sorcerer's Stone all over again - but without the same thrill. Same for the Salem Express. Even more for Salem Institute itself. The Houses, Prefects, Great Hall, even the students' mentality and ways of speaking lift directly from the pages of Rowling with just some tweaking to the names and descriptions.
Now, don't get me wrong, you do bring some wonderful additions to JK's world, but I still feel like I was jipped out of a creative, imaginative story that I KNOW you can write. You've got all the makings, but you're not taking risks. You even admitted in the notes for your last chapter that without your Beta's prompting, your sorting ceremony would have been terribly unoriginal.
You don't have to write exactly like J.K. Rowling to scribe a brilliant story that honors her creations. Please, please, please do yourself a favor and really take a look at your next chapter before you post it; consult your beta - that's what she's there for! Is Ellicot sounding too much like McGonogall? Is Potions taught by someone cruel? Are all the classes the exact same ones offered at Hogwarts? Do the staircases move?
Ask yourself questions like those, and then perhaps muse over ones like these: how does the American Wizarding World distinguish itself from the others'? And New England itself carries an entirely different mentality than anywhere else in the world. How would these viewpoints and traditions carry over? Hogwarts is firmly rooted in English boarding school traditions. What are New England boarding schools like? Do some research. Read classics like 'A Separate Peace' and 'The Catcher in the Rye', then read Curtis Sittenfeld's delicious, but realistic "Prep", and even the trashy 'IT GIrl' novels. Once you have, you'll be able to visualize a much more distinct 'Salem", with American boarding-school-based traditions.
I haven't written a review this long since I was in SPEW a couple of years ago! I think that's because there hasn't been any story that's grabbed me as passionately as this one. I really want this to be as successful as it can be. I'll be faithful to this story till the end :)
If you'd like to reach me, my aim is QueenHal, or you can PM me on the forums. Good luck, dear!
Author's Response: Thank you for the excellent review. You certainly bring up some excellent points throughout. I'm glad you have enjoyed the story thus far. And frankly, I'm excited that you have interpreted the story the way you have. The fact is, England influenced New England, so there are certainly going to be stark reminders of the elder culture in Salem. "I just felt like I was reading Sorcerer's Stone all over again," is exactly what I want readers to feel. I'm aiming to grab those nostalgically missing the original series. The fact there is no thrill is because we're all loyal to the original; a second series in the same style will never realize the excitement as the prior. I'm not sure how you see that the characters mentalities and way of speech is similar to those at Hogwarts, since the characters themselves have no relation. And I'm not sure who you're quoting, but "terribly unoriginal," seems to me a harsh overestimation to an idea. Is Ellicot sounding too much like McGonogall? For now, she certainly seems similar, but we'll need to learn more about her to make an accurate statement. Is Potions taught by someone cruel? We haven't even met the professors yet, so how are we to know? Are all the classes the exact same ones offered at Hogwarts? For underclassmen, yes, a strict internationally indoctrinated standard exists, imposed by the ICW. Do the staircases move? Certainly not. I am thankful for your criticism and comments though, and absolutely take them in to account.
wow. amazing chapter! i feel like im reading the harry potter series again, but with an original twist! So are you basing the houses at salem off the ones at hogwarts? if you are, im guessing horribilis is like hufflepuff right? Only because it seemed like it had some gryffindor-esque qualities. If you're not basing it off of anything sorry for trying to make that connection!
Anyway, great chapter, update soon! =)
Author's Response: You're right for trying to make the connection. The houses are based off of the Hogwarts houses, though loosely. There are several similarities, but also quite a few differences. Thanks for reading; I'm glad you enjoyed it.
Great chapter. I can't wait for the lessons to start.
Author's Response: So close! So close! Thanks for the read and review. :]
oooooooooh, is sadie going to turn out to be a Seer or something? loved this chapter and i simply adore the ring idea, brilliant blue and white with horses, very pretty image =D
well done and cant wait for the next one!
Author's Response: She certainly has some imaginative dreams, that's to be sure. Thanks for reading!
ok so i'm guessing max is hermione in this story, sadie is harry, and kelsey is ron... grace happens to be a lot like malfoy and the quints seem to be a lot like crab and goyle... just taking a guess is all... ok now onto the houses... lupa is definably slytherin, horribilis is definably hufflepuff, noctowl is ravenclaw, and finally steda is gryffindor... just thought i'd put my two sense in this...
ok so i wrote all that above this part while reading the chapter and now i'm gonna comment on the dream... it seems like you were foreshadowing something that's gonna happen later in the story... oh well... these are just my thoughts... oh and i have the feeling that i'm babbling again...
Author's Response: I love babbling! So babble away! Let's see...: Sadie is a mirrored of Harry (with a much different personality), Kelsey is similar to Ron, but has a few important differences. Grace is definitely similar to Malfoy, though the Quints are truly unique and unlike Crab and Goyle (they aren't total dunderheads). Max, ironically, is more like Luna than Hermione. You got the mirrorings of the houses right, except for Horribilis; though they share pride and a sense of justice with Hufflepuff, they stand more on their own than with a comparison. I'm glad you see the mirror images of Hogwarts though! The dream... I think I'll keep that one a secret. Thanks for reading.
i love the fact that you had McGonagall write one of the school books fro salem...
Author's Response: She just seems the type to write a textbook. I am much more keen to write fiction myself, :P Thanks for reading.
i love how similar Salem is to hogwarts but at the same time almost completly different. great work can't wait to see how sadie gets in to trouble and to see how this ends well done!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Author's Response: I've been dying to see this sort of style of wizarding education on this side of the pond. Cheers, I'm glad you're enjoying it.
I continue to be impressed the story as it progresses. I think it's awesome that you addressed the possibility of the Start of Term falling on a Sunday. It is always a pleasure and a good surprise to see the chapter update in my inbox. Thank you for taking the time to write these chapters and I look forward to the next update.
Author's Response: Certainly a pleasure writing them!rnMost of these chapters have been written back around last Thanksgiving, and have just been dying to be beta'd and posted. They've received top notch worth, so thank y'kindly for reading.
okay the whole lot of that famil sould be placed in slytherin and aunt glenda is just as bad as aunt marge in the prizoner of azkaban...
Author's Response: Mean ol' family! But deep down, they've got some heart. It just takes a kind soul to appreciate their sort of... well... let's call it "tough love," shall we? More like, "incognito love," but you get the general idea. Hahah, thanks for reading.
i love it. can't wait to see the school and all the classes.
Author's Response: The professors are going to be quite eclectic, I promise.
I really like this chapter, and thank you again for your update. Again, there seem to be parallels between your story and HP. Kelsey's family seems to allude to the Weasleys and Grace to Malfoy. I really enjoy the story, and it is fun to read the next chapter when I get the email. Thanks again.
Author's Response: Man, I be alludin' all over the place! I assure you that they aren't carbon copies though; they'll reveal their own tailor-made personalities soon enough. Thanks for reading again, as always.
This will be fun for Sadie! I am just so happy for her! And her parents are in a knot about all this magic stuff.
Great story! I just love it! An American Harry Potter tale, with a female Harry!
Author's Response: Everyone knows girls are cooler than boys anyway. :P Thank you, thank you for reading, as always.