Reviews For A Forgotten Name
Reviewer: lucilla_pauie
Date: 01/04/08 13:47
Chapter: Chapter One- A Mysterious Birthday

Exactly what a mystery's first chapter should be. Very intriguing and promising. You have me hooked.

Before more praise, the typos first, hehe. Don't mind me, hon. But good reviews in the world of fanfiction, where we are still approaching being professionals, are not only filled with praise and criticism, but also typo notices. ^_^

Capitalise addresses: Number Twelve Grimmauld Place

...a little heaVIer...

... wild pink NarGLES?

Comma use:

...it's beautiful, Dad!

...kitchen to the door, Syria overheard...

"Goodnight, Dad."

And always before the word, 'too', and also after it, if there is a following clause.


WeasLEYS' Wizard Wheezes

... AN enchanted necklace...

...nothing." Her father smiled slightly. "Nothing's too good for a Malfoy, now, IS THERE?

...Not TO mention ONE SET OF HER grandparents were Muggles...

...had finally reachED the topmost...

There. My beta-sensibilities are now at ease. *grins* Now then, to the story itself. I take it Syria is seeing the memories in an objective though omniscient point of view? Because of the green eyes description. If so, it piques that she doesn't recognise the man at all. She hasn't ever seen him? Not even in pictures in books and newspapers? If integral to the plot, don't answer this question. I felt like pointing it out to you, that's all.

That done, let me get to the praise again. Your first sentences blew me away. They pulsed with vividness and intensity, that 'memory'. Anyone would have been dazed after seeing and feeling that. You also introduced your characters and their affiliations without turning to exposition, which is a form of narration we all don't relish. And here: Now you'd better get to bed before mum finds you still up and has a mooncalf or something." Loved this 'Potterization' of an old idiom.

So, Kasey, I'm looking forward to your next chapter. You have a Galleon of a story here!

~Joanna

Reviewer: lucilla_pauie
Date: 01/04/08 13:47
Chapter: Chapter One- A Mysterious Birthday

Exactly what a mystery's first chapter should be. Very intriguing and promising. You have me hooked.

Before more praise, the typos first, hehe. Don't mind me, hon. But good reviews in the world of fanfiction, where we are still approaching being professionals, are not only filled with praise and criticism, but also typo notices. ^_^

Capitalise addresses: Number Twelve Grimmauld Place

...a little heaVIer...

... wild pink NarGLES?

Comma use:

...it's beautiful, Dad!

...kitchen to the door, Syria overheard...

"Goodnight, Dad."

And always before the word, 'too', and also after it, if there is a following clause.


WeasLEYS' Wizard Wheezes

... AN enchanted necklace...

...nothing." Her father smiled slightly. "Nothing's too good for a Malfoy, now, IS THERE?

...Not TO mention ONE SET OF HER grandparents were Muggles...

...had finally reachED the topmost...

There. My beta-sensibilities are now at ease. *grins* Now then, to the story itself. I take it Syria is seeing the memories in an objective though omniscient point of view? Because of the green eyes description. If so, it piques that she doesn't recognise the man at all. She hasn't ever seen him? Not even in pictures in books and newspapers? If integral to the plot, don't answer this question. I felt like pointing it out to you, that's all.

That done, let me get to the praise again. Your first sentences blew me away. They pulsed with vividness and intensity, that 'memory'. Anyone would have been dazed after seeing and feeling that. You also introduced your characters and their affiliations without turning to exposition, which is a form of narration we all don't relish. And here: Now you'd better get to bed before mum finds you still up and has a mooncalf or something." Loved this 'Potterization' of an old idiom.

So, Kasey, I'm looking forward to your next chapter. You have a Galleon of a story here!

~Joanna

Reviewer: voldy_mort
Date: 12/14/07 9:38
Chapter: Chapter One- A Mysterious Birthday

I agree! Update sooner! Anyways, I liked it a lot! but where's the next chapter? :P

Reviewer: Stubbornly_appeared
Date: 12/02/07 1:33
Chapter: Chapter One- A Mysterious Birthday

ZOMG! This is up! Ah! It's totally awesome! I'm so, so sorry I always shirked beta-ing it. I really am a terrible person.

Now I wanna read what happens! Don't give up!

-Stubby

Reviewer: Sing Hallelujah
Date: 11/09/07 11:38
Chapter: Chapter One- A Mysterious Birthday

This is reallly gooooood
UPDATE SOOOOOON XD


xx

You must login (register) to review.
Information
Find out everything you need to know about the site right here.


We have stories and authors in this archive.

:

RSS
Choose Theme:
SOCIAL MEDIA
     
MOST RECENT
The Green Knight Rises by Kerichi 6th-7th Years
In Creevey Wizard Comics, the Green Knight aids those in need under the cloak...
Somebody Like You by Kerichi 6th-7th Years
After tea leaves predict romance for Snape, he makes a sardonic wish on...
Makers of Fine Wands by CanisMajor 1st-2nd Years
Ollivander of Croton arrives in Athens in 382 BC with big dreams, noneof which...
FEATURED
Wild Card by ToBeOrNotToBeAGryffindor 6th-7th Years
It was going to happen eventually: Oliver Wood had to retire. But when the decision...
Half-life by welshdevondragon 3rd-5th Years
Neville has the rest of his life ahead of him, but all he can do is look back...
Skinny Love by xxbabewithbrainsxx 6th-7th Years
“I’ve always been chubby. Admit it.” “You’ve never been skinny...
Tigerlily by Maple_and_PheonixFeather 3rd-5th Years
You promised yourself you'd never hurt her, but there are times when you wonder...
Astriferous by Padfoot11333 6th-7th Years
Merope Gaunt has never been celestial.Nominated for a 2014 QSQ - Best Dark/Angst.
CATEGORIES