What an excellent one-shot! You did a spectacular job of characterizing two people who are given very little time in the books (for obvious reasons!) and showing how they grow to care about each other.
Teddy Lupin, Hummer of Pleasant Melodies. I really liked this sentence, for some reason. It reflected to me a lot about Teddy Lupin’s character – Victoire goes on to have a conversation with him and thinks to herself that he is too nice – and this epithet somehow fits Teddy very well. At the beginning of the story, it’s possible that this is exactly how Teddy is seen by Victoire (she doesn’t know him very well, after all) but something about the way he’s humming and the fact that he just seems so nice to everyone appeals to Victoire, I think. She wants to find out more about him – more than simply the fact that he’s a nice guy. You did an excellent job of bringing all of these feelings to light with that simple sentence.
“I’m sorry for patronizing you,” Teddy tried sincerely. Like the last sentence I quoted, this one also conveyed a lot about Teddy’s character to me – he’s a very nice person, clearly. Anyone else would have given up on trying to make someone feel better about a comment that wasn’t even all that offensive in the first place long ago, but Teddy just seems to try harder than anyone else. However, I can’t help feeling like that would get annoying before long. After all, Victoire probably enjoys teasing other people as much as the next person, but I’m not so sure that Teddy has the sense of humor that Victoire does. Victoire seems more lively in this scene – from the way she looks out of the corner of her eye after saying simply “hi” to Teddy to the way she lets Teddy apologize more than he should actually have to, Victoire seems to have quite a bit of Fred/George in her!
Somehow, I didn’t like Victoire so much in the first scene. Something about her seemed to be almost manipulative. Here’s what I mean: If she wanted to have him, she’d have to work on him a little at a time so as not to scare him away. For example, in that sentence, Victoire seems to be choreographing her actions so as to “get” Teddy. I’m not sure if you meant to have that part of Victoire’s character to be emphasized, but it seemed that way to me – Teddy seems to be the naïve guy who doesn’t realize that Victoire might be trying to charm him into a relationship with her somehow.
Teddy reminds me so much of Ron! He falls over himself to avoid being offensive a lot more than Ron would, but he has the same quality of blushing a lot when he feels awkward. I almost felt sorry for him in the second scene – like he says himself, he *does* seem to say the stupidest things around Victoire. You’d think Victoire would pick up on that, though!
He grinned, rummaging in his robes for something. “We’re going to enjoy the properties of mistletoe, of course. It’s a party, isn’t it?” Oh, I loved this part of the story. Victoire and Teddy seem to have grown up a little here (and Victoire clearly is still making an effort to be noticed by Teddy, although she doesn’t seem as manipulative as she did in the first scene). The overall effect was very cute – you did an excellent job of showing Victoire’s feelings and describing the way she was somewhat disappointed in what the event actually turned out to be.
Oh, no, no, it’s not that, it’s just...” That that is exactly what I want, and I’m shocked and thrilled that you want it to? A small nitpick on grammar – the last “to” should be “too.”
Teddy broke through the throng of people, wand drawn, and Petrified Montgomery and Winters. Hm, this struck me as rather odd. I’m not sure that Teddy can Petrify people – that seemed to be only Basilisks, as far as I got from the books – so maybe you could replace this with another hex or curse. This sentence threw me off a little.
“Is that alright?” he asked, looking truly worried in that instant. Aww, this is so something Teddy would say. I loved your characterization of Teddy for this part. Actually, I loved your story as a whole! Thanks so much for an excellent reading experience. I can’t wait to read some of your other writing!
Yay Teddy and Victiore! Man I eat fics like these up. It was wonderful I loved it.
My dear, this is truly the best romance fanfic that I have read in a long time! I’ve recently fallen in love with this pairing, and I must say that I really enjoyed this story.
The plot was brilliantly done in the most believable way. From the very beginning, I could tell that you weren’t going to rush the relationship, and I was very grateful to you for that. I think that this is one of those pairings that cannot be rushed because the two of them did grow up together and therefore the relationship has to build for both of them into something more. It can’t all just be perfect and easy with them having always been the obvious couple to the rest of the Weasley clan – they have to grow to see each other in a different light beyond a family friend. And you showed that beautifully.
The way that Victoire goes out of her way to see him was very realistic of the way people go about pursing someone of interest, which just heightened the believable nature of your plot. I also thought that having Teddy take the longer length of time to see Victoire in the same light as she sees him was a nice touch. I think it would be like that, mainly because I see Victoire as very headstrong and probably self aware for the most part and would know what she wants and how she feels more so than Teddy may, which brings me to my next point – Characterization.
Your characterization of the two was very much believable. I shall start with Victoire. I loved how independent you showed her. It truly shows that you have taken great care in your characterization because I think she is a lovely little mix of her parents. She was confident, strong, independent – certainly traits that her parents show. When she was ‘growling’ at the other students in the library, I completely thought of Fleur’s short annoyance level. The scene where the boy remarked about her parents showed her loyalty to her family, which is a very Weasley trait, and was the point that I just knew this, was Victoire as she should be.
Also, after Teddy had snapped at her in the library scene with the two Slytherins, I liked how she did a self-evaluation of her character in light of having someone she cared for point out a flaw. I thought that was a nice touch, and again, showed the subtle ways you gave her character believability and a mixture of traits from her family.
Now Teddy… well, Teddy was just wonderful. He was so very Remus-like in the way he scolded Victoire for not doing anything to help the younger girl. That moment just really showcased how much like his parents he is, something I think Teddy would greatly value. You also allowed him the most time to progress with his feelings for Victoire, which I found was very believable given Remus’ hesitation with Tonks. It was just… right for Teddy. It suited his character because it was something that he would have thought a lot about and weighed the options, like his father would have. However, you allowed us to see small ways in which he is like Nymphadora as well with his spontaneous kiss at the end and his love of music at the beginning.
The teasing between the two was also nice because it showed that both come from a very joking and teasing family. Teddy’s dad was a Marauder, and while he was more serious, I doubt he was lacking in the joke making skills. ;) And Victoire, well, she’s a Weasley, how could she not have some teasing bone in her body?
The little bit about Ginny noticing how inseparable the two seemed at the party was a nice touch, too. I hardly see that going by the Weasleys without at least one of them noticing. Too bad we didn’t get to hear what Harry thought about it, though; I would have liked to see if he approved or not.
And the mistletoe! Oh, I felt so bad for poor Victoire there. I think any girl would have assumed the same thing she did, but then again, I also liked it because it just showed how much of a prankster Teddy is and allowed the relationship to continue to buildup.
All in all, this was a very good one-shot and a really enjoyable read. I must explore your author’s page much, much more!
I enjoyed this story, Marie. Teddy and Victoire are such a fun couple to read about, and your wit shone in this story. “Victoire thought maybe she ought to investigate Teddy Lupin more thoroughly.” Hee.
The opening image of an apple orchard is lovely, though I think more description of the scene in general would have set the story up well, perhaps with a little more reflection on the fact that Teddy and Victoire must have grown up together. There was one line that stuck out to me as not belonging: “Revelations hung in the air, drifting down with the light that streamed through the branches of the apple trees.” It's a little too direct, I think.
Teddy is quite charming. I love how he's pleasant and humble, and still has a sharp sense of humor. (Is it often that you growl at the other people in the library?) I can see perfectly why Victoire would be interested in him. I only felt like their relationship wasn't built on much, when it must have. I think incorporating the basis of their relationship from their childhood would have been a good thing, because all we really get from Victoire is that she's attracted to him.
It seemed as though I could see Fleur in Victoire in her self-assurance, determination, and Slytherin traits. I really loved this line: “Victoire was determined she was going to take some initiative and partner with Teddy, even if she had to hex his friends out of the way — or her own friends, for that matter.” Very witty, very Slytherin.
There were a couple missing commas, just to point them out quickly.
“Evidently he wasn’t expecting that because one of the baskets swayed, and a couple of apples toppled out.” There should be a comma after “because.”
“I just love that you say ‘blustery’ is all.” There should be a comma before “is all.”
I was also confused by what you meant by “break him” in “She would just have to work slowly and carefully so as not to break him or have him constantly blushing.” Clarify it, or perhaps just take that out.
This was a good story, especially the twist with Debbie. I'll have to look for more Teddy/Victoire!
Finally. =) I’ve been meaning to read this story since you posted it, and I’ve been even more eager to do so since I saw the banner that Jenna made for it, but somehow I haven’t gotten around to it until now.
It seems that Teddy/Victoire is quickly becoming a new favourite pairing within our fandom, and it’s not difficult to see why. With parents like theirs, how could they be anything but interesting characters? And with that in mind, I think it’s interesting to see how authors choose to interpret Teddy’s and Victoire’s characters. Since we know their parents so well, it is of course tempting to pass on some of their traits, but I believe that this can easily be overdone. When you think about it, we rarely write other canon characters based on their parents’ personalities. They might of course affect the character, but more through the circumstances of their lives than their actual persons.
Ehm, yes, that blabbering was actually leading up to something. I really like how you have written Victoire, but I’m especially impressed with your interpretation of Teddy Lupin. I don’t know how you feel about Tonks’ character, but I know that there are many people who are not so fond of her and might not have “included” her at all when writing Teddy. She’s not overly prominent in your version either, but we have of course got the metamorphmagusness, and the way Teddy stumbles over his words around Victoire somehow reminds me of how his mother sometimes stumbled over more substantial things. ;) There is Remus, too, I think, in your Teddy, but what strikes me the most there is the contrast between his action and his father’s inaction. Didn’t Jo tell us how Remus often stood idly by when James and Sirius did things they shouldn’t have? But here is Teddy, all confident and brave and righteous, and it makes me SO happy. Because, you see, while I can see both of Teddy’s parents in him, there is someone else there, too – Harry.
And that makes so much wonderful sense! Teddy’s situation in life is obviously much more like Harry’s was, than either of his parents’. Yet you can tell from Teddy’s confidence and bravery that he has had good role models like Harry never had, and that he has grown up in a safe environment like Harry never did.
So, to sum up about Teddy – it looks to me like you have used your knowledge of his parents and godfather to write the base for a person we can recognise. But only the base – the rest of him is your own creation entirely, and I adore it. You have a knack for male characters, I daresay, keeping in mind how wonderfully you wrote Cedric in All At Once.
And now I feel like I have to say something else about Victoire. You have written her very well indeed, Mar, so when I say that I think you could have done it even better, I’m sure that’s just because you did such an amazing job on Teddy. I’m not sure how you could have improved her character further, but maybe you could have put a little more emphasis on some of her personality traits – when I look at her alone she’s lovely, but next to Teddy she’s a little… flat? No, that is too harsh. What I’m saying is not that you should rewrite this story and change Victoire, but rather that in the future, you should take an extra look at your female characters to make sure they match up to the awesomeness of the male ones. Perhaps, =)
They laughed so much her sides were sore, and her cheeks were sore from smiling so much.
At the end of the evening, her heart was a little sore, too. She was happy, but there was still that acute yearning for something more with Teddy.
I approve of the repetition of ‘sore’ in the first and second sentence there, because it ties them together nicely, but I think it’s a bit too much to have it twice in the first sentence. I suggest keeping the second one so that it still ties up with the next sentence, and maybe changing the first to ‘aching’ or something.
That that is exactly what I want, and I’m shocked and thrilled that you want it to?
I think you mean ‘too’ at the end there, and not ‘to’?
And now I need to quote something that made me grin madly:
When had that happened? When had every action begun to revolve around him? She hated it. She hated how much it hurt to have him think badly of her.
How very Darcy/Elizabeth of them! But it’s subtle and lovely, dear, like so many other details you’ve put in this fic. I must say that the story comes across as very well worked through, and even though there are so many parts to it you have managed to create a lovely flow to the text.
I’m a bit torn about the ending – on the one hand, I like the simplicity of it, but on the other hand, I feel like if you had just waited a little longer, it could have been spectacular. I’m not sure what I would have liked to see before the ending, as I greatly approve of Teddy forgiving Victoire at once. Maybe a bit of confusion, where they both thought that the other was upset with them? But, yes, I also like the ending you did write. =)
Yes, it seems that I’m still incapable of writing a normal, short review, so perhaps I should try and round this one off, like, now? Mar, I can honestly say that I enjoyed this story very much, and that it really had… well, a Mar!feeling to it. Or a Mar!style, I suppose, which is something wonderful and highly enviable. Thank you for sharing it! :D
Really well done! Sometimes I have trouble "getting into" Second Generation stories, if just for the reason that we know so little about the kids, but this gripped me from the beginning. :)
I think something should be done about that “you can’t judge a book by its cover” saying. Because beautiful banners are usually only made in extreme appreciation for wonderful stories, if you ask me. So yes. Go away, stupid saying made for good stories that have ugly covers. You should have hired a good illustrator. –stares- Uh, so I read the other review (the one that would have incited Hanna’s “stick your head in a bowl of ketchup” opinion) and I agree with some things. The scenes are a little choppy, especially after Christmas. Hello, reality. I wish Christmas was longer. But the rest of what was said is a little iffy. I have a different opinion. I really like this. It’s actually one of my favourites of yours. Except Noir House. I need to read that again.
Revelations hung in the air, drifting down with the light that streamed through the branches of the apple trees. Bless those little descriptive metaphoric sentences that make me think of golden thingies of light hanging in tendrils from trees. I mean, hello perfection in summer time.
Teddy Lupin had also always been a rather decent bloke, very smart, and kind to those around him. - raises eyebrows at Australian slang- You say bloke? Victoire doesn’t seem like the girl to evn think saying bloke, hee.
It was difficult to find people because the dim light made it so easy to blend in. Um, can I just say how much this insinuates people hiding away and snogging, as the British say, to my aching heart? Because it does.
Lydia was stolen away en route to the Great Hall by her boyfriend Will Wickham. Just. Hah.
I thought the scene with Debbie, and Teddy yelling at Victoire was a little mean. I don’t know exactly why Teddy exploded at her – I mean, was it because she had asserted herself as opposed to actions such as those in the past, or was it because he just expected her to be wonder woman and able to assert her authority easily? Victoire doesn’t strike as a “all right folks, let’s break it up” sort of girl, so when Teddy yelled at her, I was a little stunned. Mostly because I expected her to be standing there with a look of the quiet observer – one I know quite well, unless authority is being asserted – by me. I don’t know. I know it worked for the ending, and what happened consequently, but I still didn’t like the flash of anger. Teddy seemed so different the whole way through, and he didn’t really… explain himself to be that way, you know? When he was describing the way he studied (All Os? SO cute, just quietly) it didn’t seem at though he took th jopb, or his protection of the littles that seriously. It’s a nice character point, though. I’d just love an extended version of their courtship so we can see more of this, you know? I mean, take Twilight. Edward has some idiosyncrasies, but they’re explained and they’re omgsohot he’s perfect & full or morals and such. I’d love to see that in Teddy.
/hugely long paragraph.
And can I just say I love the mage of Victoire and her strawberry hair picking apples and putting them in a basket that’s hitched up on her hip? I really, really loved that scene. It made me happy and peaceful. And you know how I love happy and peaceful.
I can see YOU written all over the dialogue. Which, for OCs, is good. But I’d be really, brilliantly happy for you if you could pull off an old codgedgy old man, just so I’d be so completely immersed in the character and not giggling at various things said, thinking of another Teddy, and perhaps a Mad Max when reading it. I know how much you want to write origific, and I know that that’s something that would make a huge impact if you wrote multiple stories. The first story, of course, can just have your charming persona in it. The world will be following that character around like a lovesick puppy.
that was soo good!
And beautifully written!
I have to say though, I was dissapointed when it ended. Please write more!
ps- the lydia and wickham mention made me die! Brilliant! *says the jane austen enthusiast*
A Teddy Lupin Story! Even though we never met him in the series, he's my favorite character. Nice job!
aaww! So sweet. :) I really liked it, because i can completely relate to everything that happened. All those ups and downs were very realistic. Good job!! :)
Well, let me begin by saying I am not a writer of stories. I am, however, a reader and a teacher. Please take the following as ways to make your story a more enjoyable read. Nothing said here is meant to be taken as personal, simply my observations and opinions as a reader. In reading "A Pair," I found myself having to backtrack every so often to be able to stay with the story. While I like the idea of "nearly" friends becoming close friends then becoming romantic, I'm not sure about your approach to telling about Teddy and Victoire's journey. I think this may have been better told in longer, more detailed chapters that flowed more smoothly from one to another. There was a bit of a choppy feeling to some of this. Overall, it was a very good story. You had some excellent visualization. In particular, I loved "Part of her strawberry blonde hair was swept up, falling in perfect, soft, curled waves onto her shoulders, contrasting beautifully with the green dress robes she was wearing. She wouldn’t deny that she had taken extra care in getting ready for this party." I was really able to see how stunning Victoire was that night! I also liked your dialogue, for the most part. One of my personal pet peeves, however, is repetition of words in subsequent sentences/scenes. There seemed to be a noticeable number of such in a few of your scenes. Having said all this, I would like to reiterate that I think you are a promising writer and should certainly continue in your efforts. Good work!
Author's Response: I do agree that this story could have been told much better in a longer format, but it is the story I wanted to tell for the exchange this was written for (which I noted at the beginning of the story). But anyway, I did have to tell the story in one shot form and so I tried to show different scenes from a long-developing relationship. I do know some of the words were repeated through the story. It's sort of something I like to do in my own stylization, and I know it's not everyone's cup of tea. Not all of my stories are like that, but the last few have been. Thank you for expressing your feedback in a way that was helpful. It is appreciated, I assure you.
Absolutely lovely! I love how you have portrayed Victoire and Teddy here. The fact that you show both their faults and their strenghts! Great Job!
Author's Response: Thanks for dropping by the review page. It's always nice to hear feedback. I'm glad that I did get across their faults and strengths and that it could, hopefully, feel real.
In my opinion, anything less would be cheating this story of its due. Before I get into the details, let me just recommend that if you are a person/potential reader browsing through the reviews, looking for a good investment of your time, stop right here and go read it before I give anything away. Yes, it is on the longer side for a one-shot, checking in right around five-thousand words. You will not regret taking in any of it, however. Trust me, not a single word is wasted.
/promoting a story I really enjoyed
Characterization has always been a big thing for me and it is arguably this story’s greatest strength. Right from the start, Mar, you do a wonderful job showing us Teddy and Victoire. Some authors would just tell us about their personalities. You, however, let the reader see it through the several well constructed scenes.
I think you did a nice job leading us through the entire series of emotions for Victoire. It starts with her realization that Teddy might be someone she wants to get to know better, having her feelings grow, a steep drop down the roller coaster of disappoint when she feels like she let him down, and then an ending that I’m sure any fan of a good romance story would find rewarding. In each phase, I think you do such a nice job capturing the reader’s interest and really bringing that person into your story.
By far, my favourite scene is where she lets Teddy down. I think you can just feel the disappointment Victoire experiences. You’ve done so well writing it that I think most readers will be able to relate to that feeling through similar experiences in their own lives. It’s almost as if she stood there and watched the two Slytherins picking on the younger Gryffindor like a deer caught in headlights, and then WHAM, she gets blasted when Teddy arrives and berates her for not stepping in to help. I think this whole scene makes you story! I loved it.
Your dialogue is also very good. Speaking as someone who is not exactly able to weave my words together as nicely as a well rehearsed poet, I identified with they way Teddy would say something, then be concerned that it was not taken the right way, or that he had said the wrong thing.
“You know, half the Ravenclaws don’t study as much as you seem to,” Teddy said, opening his Transfiguration book.
Victoire didn’t say anything.
“Oh, I didn’t mean to imply that you need the extra studying,” he rushed, a streak of red appearing in his hair. “I’m sorry, Victoire. I just meant–”
I really can’t say anything else, other than this story is going to be added to my favourites. I know, I know … not exactly the QSQs. Still, I want you to know I enjoyed it that much! Great job!
Author's Response: Wow to you, James, for such a flattering review. -hugs and blushes- I'm so glad that your favourite scene was the let-down. That was something I envisioned and thought quite a long time about before I wrote it. I wanted to show how much they cared about each other. I hate the feeling that I've let someone down, that I've not lived up to their expectations, and it hurts even more when it's someone so important to me. And, dude, my favorite part about that scene of dialogue that you quoted is that, while Teddy thinks he's just insulted Victoire, she thinks he's caught on to why she would be in the library so much more than the Ravenclaws. Bwaha. Dialogue is something I hash out in my head over and over until I feel it's something I could overhear other people saying. I'm glad it feels real. Thank you so much for an amazing review!
*sniff* awww.... good story!!
Author's Response: Thanks for reading, and thanks for leaving a comment. :)
Oh, that is beautiful! I love the way you portrayed Teddy, Victoire and their relationship - it's just really nice. Their behaviour around each other was really sweet. I could see that Weasley temper coming out in Victoire when she heard the comment about her father, and that scene also served to show how well Teddy complements her, balancing her temper with his calm 'it's-not-worth-it' logic.
It's great that you had Victoire have that bit of personal conflict and character growth, so the story wasn't just about romance - it was also about her becoming a better person. I liked that a lot.
I spotted a couple of mistakes, though:
~ At the beginning, you specifically said that Victoire can't do magic out of school until Febuary so Teddy had to levitate the baskets - but then at the New Year's party you said that Victoire put up a silencing barrier so people couldn't hear them laughing.
~ When they were going out flying, you said Victoire tugged his scarf and pulled him 'a long'. It should be 'along', without a space.
~When Victoire think 'that's exactly what I want and I'm shocked and thrilled that you want it to?', 'to' should be 'too'.
But overall, this was a really nice piece of writing.
Author's Response: Thanks for the review. Whoops for the typos, but I still know my betas are amazing. With the magic thing... I'm sure that when it comes to being that close to her birthday, Victoire is not going to care about the rules anymore... Something I'm sure her Uncle George would support. -wink-