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Harry Potter stories written by fans!

Name: OkiBlossom (Signed) · Date: 08/01/09 23:55 · For: Chapter 9: Desperation and Suspicion
All right, you said that you prefer constructive criticisms. One thing I would point out that I like is how you've put humor into Kingsley's character. The grammar mistakes are still here. Commas and other punctuation are your problems. (As a hint, there is no period at the end of your last sentence.) I have never heard any English friend say "hun". This needs revision. You have something here; it just needs to be re-worked.

Author's Response: Thanks for the help and your compliments. I'll have to make sure I go and edit these thangs later. :)

Name: OkiBlossom (Signed) · Date: 08/01/09 23:27 · For: Chapter 6: A Morning Mishap
I like parts of the story, but you have grammatical errors that are starting to be quite obvious. Your word choice is limited, but that is part of the learning process. When in doubt or curious, use a thesaurus to find other words because they can help expand your vocabulary. Remus seems a bit out of character with the repitition, but this is your version. Sorry if I sound nit - picky. It's just I;m studying English at the moment and I pick up on these things quickly.

Author's Response: Thank you. I'll be sure to go through and check these when I have time. I'm only fourteen, so I'm obviously still learning... and still making several mistakes. Heehee.

Name: j_mckay91 (Signed) · Date: 08/01/09 21:47 · For: Chapter 12: Fighting Ice With Ice
I have read your story through. I tought I would keep opinion untill I had read all that you have written so far. I like the plot line. It is interesting. However, I do have some criticism for you.I do not intend it to be mean but helpful. First of all, "y'all" is mainly a southern US colloquialism. Very seldom is it used in the UK. Common mistake. Secondly, I know that finding synonyms can be difficult but there are a few words you use a little too frequently. For example "oh" can be used less often which I thnk would help you create the type of mood for which you are looking. I have enjoyed reading your story and wish you luck in developing your style as a writer.

Author's Response: Thanks so much for this. I'm really glad that you enjoy it, first off and second, thanks for the criticism. And, you didn't come across as mean at all... I just tend to not think sometimes about those little things, I suppose. Thank you so much. :)

Name: goodnightbeck (Signed) · Date: 07/15/09 23:01 · For: Chapter 1: The Confession
I just want to say AMAZING job !
I just read from Chapter 1-15 all in one sitting, and I'm really impressed !
You have a really great writing style that stays true to JK Rowling and the essence of that, and I love how you've made an amazing backstory with really true characterizations, dialogue and events
Really brilliant job !
Just wondering if any more chapters will be posted ?
Or if 15 was the end :)

Author's Response: Thanks for your review. I'm really really glad that you liked it. And glad that I can stay true to it as well, lol. I'm just about to submit chapter sixteen, and then I have to start wrting again, because I'm almost out of chapters to post! I don't want that to happen. :)

Name: BrianG (Signed) · Date: 04/24/09 14:33 · For: Chapter 13: A Chat of Love
Ok Now that I am hooked please update regularly and promise to finish the story. Thanks

Author's Response: Thanks so much! I reallly appreciate that. And, don't worry, I am going to finish it... :D

Name: ca2roline (Signed) · Date: 04/18/09 13:36 · For: Chapter 13: A Chat of Love
I like this chapter a lot- actually this entire story! Nice cliffhanger at the end too- I hope we get the next chapter soon. I really appreciate that this story follows the general plotline of OOTP and HBP, it's hard to find stories like that.

Author's Response: thanks so much! I'm glad that you like it. I enjoy following the original guidelines Jo set... she was the mastermind of it, and it shouldn't be changed... Well, most of it shouldn't... their deaths should've, but... well....

Name: lupintonks (Signed) · Date: 01/31/09 9:09 · For: Chapter 12: Fighting Ice With Ice
you're never gonna complete are you?

Author's Response: No, I'm going to... just, I don't know when. I'm going to submit the next chapter. I've been very inactive the past few months, and I'm sorry.

Name: lupintonks (Signed) · Date: 11/06/08 15:02 · For: Chapter 12: Fighting Ice With Ice
please please tell me when there's going to be a new chapter. by the way all the chapters were adorable! i'd like to see some kisses after such a difficult relation!!

Author's Response: Thanks so much! Okay, so I had submitted the next chapter, but it got rejected, so I decided to try one of my one-shots instead. I just submitted it, so we'll have to wait awhile. If it gets in, I will edit this chapter and make sure it gets in before I submit another R/T oneshot.

Name: tonkzie (Signed) · Date: 10/24/08 13:28 · For: Chapter 12: Fighting Ice With Ice
OMG!! Totally lived up to expectations...bravo! Sorry 2 hear you were grounded, naughty naughty! Lol. That was so funny I think, and you made it really realistic. I think you've portrayed Remus in a way i'd never believed he would be and made it totally believable. I knew tonks had some fire(or ice) in her but...Ouch!! That thing about Remus needin a job. Oooh...That was harsh. I guess you were trying to show that they were trying to hide there feeling for eachother by pretending they hated each other. Remus was so sneery(is dat a word?), and it was totally amzin. Love them, love the story, Your an awesome writer. Unfortunately my laptop is playing up and i can't submit my story!!!! SO ANNOYING! Can't wait for more, hanging on every word....keep it up! Brilliant, luv,
~Tonkzie xx

Author's Response: Thank you so very much! I wanted to play on emotions, I think. It was either that or this is just what came to mind. I don't plan out what I write, so whenever I sit down and get an idea, I just go with it. I'm glad that you think it worked!

Name: hpreader1 (Signed) · Date: 10/23/08 8:09 · For: Chapter 12: Fighting Ice With Ice
Oy. Talk about frustrating. You'd think that they'd both admit that they like each other by now. I guess that's what you get when you put two very stubborn people together... ; )

Author's Response: Thanks for the review. Yes very frusterating. And, I'm amazed this one got in the first time!

Name: Fred and Georgie (Signed) · Date: 10/10/08 17:30 · For: Chapter 4: Dinner and... Conversation
this story is really nice so far!
how long does it take for a story to be validated?

Author's Response: Thanks so much! I'm sorry I've taken so long to answer your question. It usually takes a week. That is usually, mind you. Sometimes, longer, others shorter.

Name: The-heir-of-Gryffindor (Signed) · Date: 09/26/08 15:39 · For: Chapter 11: A Veela Encounter

Author's Response: I'm so glad that you liked it! Thanks so much for your review!

Name: Lunicle (Signed) · Date: 09/20/08 21:06 · For: Chapter 11: A Veela Encounter
I like that you have it that Tonks and Bill dated when they were in school- they seem like the kind of ship that really makes sense. (But thank goodness they didn't stay together or there wouldn't be the Remus/Tonks ship and I would be very sad because it's my favourite. :D)

All the dialogue is, once again, so real. It's lovely.


Author's Response: Thanks. I wonder if it is canon, that... but, I'm so glad Jo didn't put them together. We wouldn't have Remus/Tonks. We'd be the delusional ones!!!! :P Thank you so incredibly much for all of your reviews and compliments on my dialogue as well!

Name: Lunicle (Signed) · Date: 09/20/08 21:00 · For: Chapter 10: Potential Heartbreak
Wow, you can write anything! Tears, happiness, cockroaches... :D

To be serious, it was a lovely chapter, this. I really love the dialogue and the way you describe her crying. (That sounds weird to say I liked the way she cried, but it was a good description!)


Author's Response: It may sound weird, but I love that you think that!!! And, I love how you think I can write anything. Like, seriously. Thanks soooooo soooo much!!!!!

Name: Lunicle (Signed) · Date: 09/20/08 20:55 · For: Chapter 9: Desperation and Suspicion
Kingsley is funny!

And I like how at the end the witch mistook Remus and Tonks for husband and wife. It was cute. :D


Author's Response: Thanks. And, I'm so glad you like all of the parts that you keep listing!

Name: Lunicle (Signed) · Date: 09/20/08 20:51 · For: Chapter 8: Realisation Hits the Hospital Wing
Your dialogue is very natural, the descriptions are still realistic, and the characterisation and relationships are lovely. I do wish I'd joined early enough that I could have found out how one nominates a fic for the Quicksilver Quill awards...


Small Nitpicks:

#1: “And, Kingsley Shacklebolt is on his way, too."

Unnecessary comma- should read: And Kingsley Shacklebolt is on his way too.

#2: "...the woman who’s heart he would soon have to break."

Homonym confusion- should be: ...the woman whose heart he would soon have to break. :D



Author's Response: Thanks... that makes me feel wonderful... I have no idea how anyone nominates, I think it has to do with the other forum thingy. Oh, wow, I'm amazed you noticed... and thanks. I'm also shocked the validating people didn't find it.

Name: Lunicle (Signed) · Date: 09/20/08 20:42 · For: Chapter 7: A Bitter Taste of War
I really like the relationship between Tonks and Mad-Eye here. It's so cool (in canon and here) how they argue all the time and yet he's almost like a favourite uncle to her.

You are a really a great writer; the last chapter had me laughing, and this one has me feeling sad. Again, you write quite vividly. It's refreshing to see that in fanfic! (Particularly in a Remus/Tonks fanfic, since that's my OTP and all...)


Author's Response: Thanks so much again! I wish I could learn different ways to say thanks. Your reviews are my longest I've ever recieved, I believe. And, thanks. I think of Mad-Eye kind of like that to her as well, especially since they kind of describe her as his protegee. And, they are that for me as well. Believe me, the Half-Blood Prince movie has had me crying like crazy and also ranting much.

Name: Lunicle (Signed) · Date: 09/20/08 20:38 · For: Chapter 6: A Morning Mishap
What I love about this fic is that you keep it so subtle and humourous. I like to think that their relationship started out this way too. :D

This is weird and random, but the roach thing actually had me grossed out just reading it. You write very vividly!

This is the best Remus/Tonks fic out there as far as I can tell. It's just wonderful. You have talent! I wish I could be a little less angsty in my writing... I love reading humour as much as angsty stuff, but I can only seem to write angsty... Ah well, I can just read other authors' fics that are more humourous, like this one. :D


P.S. I love your username!

Author's Response: Oh my God! Are you serious? Thanks so much... for everything you said! I'm glad that you like it! And, thanks for saying it is the best... that makes me feel amazing! And, thanks, about the username as well!

Name: hpreader1 (Signed) · Date: 09/17/08 8:04 · For: Chapter 11: A Veela Encounter
Ooooh! Bill went out with Tonks? Hmmm... I gues that does sorta make sense. They would get along. Anyway, another awesome chapter!!!

Author's Response: Well, in my opinion, Bill went out with Tonks... and, thanks again!!!

Name: hpreader1 (Signed) · Date: 09/08/08 18:17 · For: Chapter 10: Potential Heartbreak
Don't you hate when that happens?! Someone really and truly cares for you but they try to protect you? It shows how much they care but it also cuts you like a knife. Why can't they just realize that sometimes society's thoughts don't matter, or that you don't care what your friends may think because of how you feel about them?! Argh!!!! Love can definitely drive you insane.

Author's Response: Yes. Absolutely positively so annoyingly insane. And, for a guy/girl. *sigh* Thanks so much for every single review! You are awesome!

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