This was a very good poem. Although the fact of Harry running from his problem is highly improbable the poem it great. The flow and rhyme scheme of it blend perfectly with your choice of words. I absolutely adored this.
Author's Response: Thank you! Yeah, I know it's OOC for Harry to do that, but I've grown almost fond of killing him off by now. . . .
Y'know, I don't usually like rhyming poems, but this (and Shakespeare) are exceptions! Nice! I like it. The part about being a coward is kinda surprising in a cool way. What I'm interested in: it has a lyric quality--you should totally turn it into a SONG!! Yess!! That would be awesome. I'll hum something in the shower and get back to you on that one.
Author's Response: Thank you! I'm extraordinarily honoured you'd compare me to Shakespeare . . . though I personally don't think I'm that good.
It's funny you should mention a song, because pretty much all of my poems begin as songs. This one was originally a song, but then I added the ending, and it became a poem. : )
Harry would never do that. He had seen so many die, felt all that greif, he couldn't take his own life to avoid facing Voldemort. Even before DH, in HBP the chapter entitled "Horcruxes", he admits that he wants to kill Voldemort, to stop him from killing anyone else. The only way I can see Harry doing that is if the only way for him to remove the Horcrux-ness from him is to die, but even then, he would have made sure Voldemort had no strings to keep him tied down, so he could be defeated by someone without Fate behind them.
Author's Response: I know that Harry would most likely have never done that, but I had him do it for the sake of the poem. You seem to be very ranty on this subject, so I'm going to quit here. *backs away*
I didn't think it was weak, it was a good ending. However, I just think it's weaker than the rest of the poem. ;-)
Author's Response: OHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
Well now I just feel stupid. ^^;
(He's always dead in your poems too? *kinsmanship*)
This poem is great. I think the way it is written flows really well and sounds, as Stubby said, even lyrical. My favoritestanza is this one: I couldn’t save you, / No matter how hard I tried. / Couldn’t pull you back / From the ocean’s side. / And when you jumped, / I died inside. / A figure rippling on the water – / You gave up the fight. I think it's amazingly well done, hoenestly. It flows and it's powerful and it's just very well-written.
The weakest part of the poem, however, was the ending. Which isn't good, because I believe the ending should be the strongest part of the poem. The last two lines of the stanza ('For such a here / What a coward you were) were great, but the rest of it lacked. It was good, but not on par with the rest of the poem. You chose to opt for...repetition, which, in this poem, was the 'lesser' way to go (in my mind).
Otherwise, though, Katie, this poem is fantabulous.
Author's Response: Oh, thank you! I really like this poem, and I'm glad you think it's so powerful and such.
Hm. . . I kind of see what you mean, but I am also really proud of the ending, and somewhat surprised that you thought it was weak. However, you are entitled to your opinion.
Thank you for the review, which was very long, and detailed, and made me smile quite a bit at the monitor. ^_^
Very well written one of the best poems I have read. You wrote the feelings down well, and the way you wrote the poem stirred a feeling (for me at least) of a mixture of sympathy and disgust towards Harry. I must admit though, though I did expect Harry having to do something with this poem, it wasn't until I read your ending author notes that I realized it was Ginny telling Harry- perhaps I'm having a blonde day lol.
All in all, a wonderful poem. Beautifully written. I did like the angst. And though I don't think Harry would ever take this way out to escape the battle, you wrote it in a believable way. Well done! Keep up the great work, because you really do have a gift for writing. In my humble opinion anyway :)
Author's Response: Thanks so much! I'm really glad you liked it.
Angst is always good, too. And I'm ecstatic that I wrote it believably! :D
Very interesting. If Harry did kill himself to escape Voldemort, I really could see Ginny reacting this way. Good job!
Author's Response: Thanks so much! You always leave me such nice reviews. :)
how loverly (this is Fred the Duck)
Author's Response: Thank you! Nice username. I love music too! ^_^
I have to admit, it wasn't like "Goodbye" in the 'shivers down my spine' category(is that spelled right?), but don't get me wrong, it was still really good! Please do another, because I think you have a great gift when it comes to poetry! I enjoyed the angst very much!
Author's Response: Yeah, you spelled 'category' right. :)
This wasn't supposed to be like "Goodbye," so I'm actually glad you thought it was different. . . . "Goodbye" is meant to be sad. "Jump" is meant to be angsty and dark.
Still, though, I'm glad you liked it!
And when you jumped,
I died inside.
OMG I positively loved those lines.=Sammy
Author's Response: I'm glad you liked them! That's where the title came from, actually.
That was lovely, Katie! I absolutely loved the rhyme scheme, although I think that the last stanza would have been stronger and flowed better with the rest of the poem if it had been a stronger rhyme.
Then again, what do I know about poetry?
Author's Response: Thank you so much! I liked the last stanza BECAUSE it was different, but then, that's just me, and I have an odd style. (Though I'm sure you know more about poetry than I do. . . .)
Hmm, interesting, Katie. Very interesting. Some of the figurative language is compelling ('Watch the sands in the hourglass,
Slowly counting down.
To the loss of all innocence,
On this murky ground.' is my favorite, I think), and it sounds really lyrical.
My only critisism is that it just sounds OOC of Harry to me, but it doesn't really affect the poem.
Author's Response: Thanks, Stubby! Yeah, Harry was bit OOC, but if he hadn't been, this poem wouldn't exist. Thanks for the amazing review!
Author's Response: And as for the lyrical thing. . . . See, all my poems start out as songs, and then I tweak them so they're a bit less song-ish. I think you can still kind of tell, though.
Wow, Ginny's so bitter! But in a good way - I think you played out her emotions perfectly.
That final line: What a coward you were. is so powerful, and so heartbreaking - it seems that Ginny will never be able to forgive him for killing himself.
This was very well written, well done!
Author's Response: Oh, thank you so much! I'm glad I got her emotions right -- I worked hard on that.
Thank you so much for the review!