That’s really sweet! A little too sad for me though. You know I like happy endings better =). It’s interesting that you paired Sybil with Moody. I never would have thought of them together but it worked in your story. It kind of does remind me of Romeo and Juliet. You’ve always been good at coming up with lyrics (songfest! Oh yeah!! =D ) and I bet if I listened to the real song, they would fit. They were perfect for the story!
Author's Response: Thank you for the review! I believe that you will find that they'll fit - they were chosen specifically, dear. ;)
I am extremely amused by this choice of pairing. I’d be interested to know how you came up with this. It’s quite well done.
I love how the first paragraphs give no hint of the situation. You talk about the clock and how pretty it is…and then Moody appears in the bed. Ha! I’m also amused by the way Sybil gets him out of bed, though I’d have expected a little more noise out of Moody.
You do a good job of incorporating the political situation, with Moody’s reflections and all of that, but it doesn’t get in the way of the romance. And you mention the fatal mission; very nice foreshadowing there. If (like me) the reader hasn’t grasped the meaning of this goodbye at first, this brings it back into perspective.
The lyrics are worked in nicely. At first glance, they don’t quite go with the story, but it becomes more clear as you go. To me, it really seems like you’re illustrating the Alastor-Sybil by showing a parallel story, one that we already know. I don’t know if that’s what you intended, but it works.
I was slightly taken aback by the fact that they didn’t apparently know each other (at least, that was the impression I got) before this night—it doesn’t seem overly in character for either of them—but I keep forgetting that this is a West Side Story based idea.
It’s sweet that you mention Sybil’s eyes as “magnified by the over-sized glasses”, yet it’s not a derogative comment, the way this is usually mentioned. For the span of this story, Sybil Trelawney isn’t a batty Divination, fate-obsessed teacher; she’s a woman in love. And Alastor loves her back. That simple.
A couple of mechanical comments for the second part:
Sybil Trelawney sank down slowly into her chair, tears blurringg her vision.
You’ve left an extra “g” there.
Also, I would suggest italicizing Sybil’s thoughts here. It switches to first person, yet appears to be part of the main story, so it’s rather jarring to read, though there’s nothing wrong with the wording itself.
It’s interesting how you end this story on a theme of peace. Sybil’s heartbroken, but rather than using a dark and stormy night with lashing rain, you paint the picture of a lovely, happy, pure Hogwarts, sweet sunlight on the floor. For the first time, she breaks down and cries—an amazingly human gesture, not one that we’re accustomed to seeing—but it works beautifully. And then you end with the theme of peace, and with hope.
Fantastic job on a really unique pairing. Keep it up!
Author's Response: Oh my goodness....
Thank you SO much for the great review. It really put a nice little bright spot on my day!
As for how I came up with the pairing: I was randomly challenged to write a drabble featuring Sybil/Alastor. I shook my head when I saw the prompt as I couldn’t imagine a situation where they really talked to one another, much less fell in love. But, that night I watched West Side Story....
The rest, as they say, is history.
Also, thank you very much for those suggestions regarding Sybil’s thoughts - they make a bunch of sense. And, never fear, I fully intend to continue writing. Write on! And thank you again.
Beauitful, I love the song and the couple.Great story, nice ending.
Author's Response: Hey! Thanks for leaving me a review! Isn't the song just one of those beautifully sad songs? I swear I cry every time Maria starts singing....
Woah, I've never heard that one before. Sybil/Alastor. It was nice, though- a little brief, but sweet and touching nonetheless.
Author's Response: I was actually challenged to write this one - Hufflepuff's I Challenge Thee thread. When I first got the challenge, I very nearly gave up on it because it was so random! Anyways, I was actually able to lengthen my original drabble and voila! The story was created. I'm very glad you enjoyed it and thank you for leaving me a review!