That’s really sweet! A little too sad for me though. You know I like happy endings better =). It’s interesting that you paired Sybil with Moody. I never would have thought of them together but it worked in your story. It kind of does remind me of Romeo and Juliet. You’ve always been good at coming up with lyrics (songfest! Oh yeah!! =D ) and I bet if I listened to the real song, they would fit. They were perfect for the story!
Author's Response: Thank you for the review! I believe that you will find that they'll fit - they were chosen specifically, dear. ;)
I am extremely amused by this choice of pairing. Iíd be interested to know how you came up with this. Itís quite well done.
I love how the first paragraphs give no hint of the situation. You talk about the clock and how pretty it isÖand then Moody appears in the bed. Ha! Iím also amused by the way Sybil gets him out of bed, though Iíd have expected a little more noise out of Moody.
You do a good job of incorporating the political situation, with Moodyís reflections and all of that, but it doesnít get in the way of the romance. And you mention the fatal mission; very nice foreshadowing there. If (like me) the reader hasnít grasped the meaning of this goodbye at first, this brings it back into perspective.
The lyrics are worked in nicely. At first glance, they donít quite go with the story, but it becomes more clear as you go. To me, it really seems like youíre illustrating the Alastor-Sybil by showing a parallel story, one that we already know. I donít know if thatís what you intended, but it works.
I was slightly taken aback by the fact that they didnít apparently know each other (at least, that was the impression I got) before this nightóit doesnít seem overly in character for either of themóbut I keep forgetting that this is a West Side Story based idea.
Itís sweet that you mention Sybilís eyes as ďmagnified by the over-sized glassesĒ, yet itís not a derogative comment, the way this is usually mentioned. For the span of this story, Sybil Trelawney isnít a batty Divination, fate-obsessed teacher; sheís a woman in love. And Alastor loves her back. That simple.
A couple of mechanical comments for the second part:
Sybil Trelawney sank down slowly into her chair, tears blurringg her vision.
Youíve left an extra ďgĒ there.
Also, I would suggest italicizing Sybilís thoughts here. It switches to first person, yet appears to be part of the main story, so itís rather jarring to read, though thereís nothing wrong with the wording itself.
Itís interesting how you end this story on a theme of peace. Sybilís heartbroken, but rather than using a dark and stormy night with lashing rain, you paint the picture of a lovely, happy, pure Hogwarts, sweet sunlight on the floor. For the first time, she breaks down and criesóan amazingly human gesture, not one that weíre accustomed to seeingóbut it works beautifully. And then you end with the theme of peace, and with hope.
Fantastic job on a really unique pairing. Keep it up!
Author's Response: Oh my goodness....
Thank you SO much for the great review. It really put a nice little bright spot on my day!
As for how I came up with the pairing: I was randomly challenged to write a drabble featuring Sybil/Alastor. I shook my head when I saw the prompt as I couldnít imagine a situation where they really talked to one another, much less fell in love. But, that night I watched West Side Story....
The rest, as they say, is history.
Also, thank you very much for those suggestions regarding Sybilís thoughts - they make a bunch of sense. And, never fear, I fully intend to continue writing. Write on! And thank you again.
Beauitful, I love the song and the couple.Great story, nice ending.
Author's Response: Hey! Thanks for leaving me a review! Isn't the song just one of those beautifully sad songs? I swear I cry every time Maria starts singing....
Woah, I've never heard that one before. Sybil/Alastor. It was nice, though- a little brief, but sweet and touching nonetheless.
Author's Response: I was actually challenged to write this one - Hufflepuff's I Challenge Thee thread. When I first got the challenge, I very nearly gave up on it because it was so random! Anyways, I was actually able to lengthen my original drabble and voila! The story was created. I'm very glad you enjoyed it and thank you for leaving me a review!