I really like this story =) A lot I love the interactions between Holley and George, and the descriptions you used so the readers could get a feel of the story. Wonderful! =) *favorites*
I really like this! It's an interesting start to a story, and Holley seems like a fun character. Her personality seems a lot like Fred's, who was always more outgoing than George. Holley and George could be really good for each other. I'm looking forward to updates!
Author's Response: Aw! Thanks for the great review! I'm glad you like it! I'll be sure to update it soon!
Interesting concept for a story! It's nice to see George taking on the role of a father, or at least trying it out. I think you wrote his state of mind well; his depression but also that bit of spirit that won't ever die. And I liked the way he talked to Holley, unphased by her insults. I did find this line off, though: She evoked a feeling of familiar ness inside of him. That was exactly what he would have said as a child. I don't think George would have been a rude child. He was mischievous, but he wouldn't have snapped at someone instead of saying "Thank you." (Also, by the way, "familiar ness" should be "familiarity." And while we're on grammar, "Ms. Wiggin's" should be "Ms. Wiggins," no apostrophe.) Holley is an interesting character too, and you'll want to be careful not to make her too cartoonish. Her personality does seem to jump around from being malicious to cheerful to wounded and back again, and while all those characteristics may be in her, they should probably be a bit more rounded to make her more realistic. Her farewell speech on the chair is a good example; in that moment she was mischievous, domineering, and a little rebellious without being overtly rude. I felt like that was the best glimpse you gave into her personality. This has the makings of a very interesting story. Good luck!
Author's Response: Thank you so much for the long and constructive review! About Holley, I modeled her after a real life young kid, my sister. She is exactly like Holley is, and most of the jumping around was based on a RL kid. Also, there is another reason why she is like is but that could give away part of my story. Anyways, thank you so much for the review, I apperciate greatly. :)
This is funny! I can't wait to read more!
Author's Response: Thank you! I'm going to start writing the second chapter momentarily!
Aww please update soon!
Author's Response: Thank you and I'll be sure to!
Brilliant!Really good story, I can't wait to read the rest.Great ending, too.
Author's Response: Aw! Thanks so much! Ya, lol, I like the ending.
nice! quite sweet too. and you could actually see a bit of fred in holley. please keep updating it!
Author's Response: Thank you! Yeah, I there will be more on the holley acting like fred thing later. I will update as soon as I can.
thhis story is very lol
Author's Response: Thank you!! Your my first ever reviewer on mugglenet, yay!